some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
I've been back at my mum's place since sunday and I have done absolutley nothing but root for Canada in the olympics. Been a very lazy few days and I have a few more lazy days ahead. It's great not having to get up in the morning to go to class, or doing homework when I get home(though I am still procratinating with that). In these last days I have been so relaxed, my depression is pretty much gone, in short I'm a happy camper.
So I have been reflecting on what my classes are doing to me. I thought it was just my doubts that were stressing me out, and that was part of it, but away from the classroom my head has been clear. I think class has done a lot to me to stress me out and to depress me since I really don't like my program anymore. And I seriously would drop out but I can't. I would let my mom down, and with only two months to go before graduating and all my money already gone into school, what would be the point? Other than stress relief.
This program won't do anything for my future, I'm sure of it, but I guess it is something to fall back on and I did meet some nice people in the process, had experiences that only college could give me. If only I could have all that without the classes. Ah, but two more months I can handle that.
As you can see, I really have nothing to talk about today. I just felt like typing so I thought I would come here and give you a nice bore, you know a good bedtime story to help you sleep. Is it working yet, or you want me to continue? Continue, really, if you say so.
Well now my mind is blank...my stomach to actually.
Okay, let's see, think girl think.
Watching the olympics, in its way, kinda depresses me. Depresses isn't the right word, it makes me feel...inadequate, unaccomplished. So many young people already doing so much with their lives. Knowing exactly what they want to do in life and already doing it.
Take Sarah Hughes for example. American gold medal winner for woman's figure skating and my favorite. She is only sixteen and tonight she won the gold medal. At sixteen I was in grade ten walking to the mall at lunch time and sitting in the hall talking with friends. Now at twenty I am still in school, walking to a different mall on my breaks and still with the same friends, plus or minus a few. At sixteen Sarah skates in front of thousands of fans, and is watched by millions more at home. At sixteen I was speed talking my way through oral presentations and stumbling over my own tongue in front of twenty people. Now at twenty I am still flustered in front of my peers durning presentations and rarely talk to my own friends. Sarah definately has a talent for skating, she has determination, courage, and a great spirit that has gotten her so far in her young life. I thought I had a talent for writing, hense my desire to be a writer, but somewhere in the last year or so I lost that desire and rarely write anything anymore. I keep saying it's because I am too busy with school, but if I truly was a writer I would make time to do what I love, I would use my breaks, I would use the time when I procrastinate to write. I do none of that.
But I guess Sarah has also been skating since she was like five, had the desire for an olympic gold since she was very young and worked hard and everyday to get to where she is. I have planned my writing career since I was seventeen, and writing works around ideas and not around the same few routines and jumps over and over. Maybe one day I will get the gold medal of writing...but I still have many years of work ahead of me before I should be comparing my lack of accomplishments with the accomplishments of olympic athletes.
I wonder how different of a person I would be if I had been figure skating since I was five, or if I was a member of the Canadian Womans Gold Medal Hockey Team. I wonder. I wish I knew.
Nite all.
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!!!!!!!!!!!!GO TEAM CANADA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!