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some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
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2002-02-06 - 11:20 p.m.
love is innocent not sinful
I think I might come out to Sanita this weekend. Mel, Raj, and Hardip are all going home so if Sanita stays here and not at her aunts it will be just the two of us. I think she will take it good, I think. But do I want to tell her before I tell Raj? Does it matter the order of the people that I tell? As long as she doesn't say anything to Hardip I think it would be fine to tell her before I tell others.

I'm sick of thinking about coming out. I just want to be out. No one comes to me to tell me they're straight so why do I have to go to them and tell them I'm a lesbian. This world is so concerned with differences and right and wrong that  it has overlooked the pure innocence of love between two people. I just want to love and be loved, is it really so bad that the person I love is also female? What does gender, age, race really matter when you are happy. Shouldn't the happiness of people be enough to counteract any thoughts of sin concerning the person who makes you happy?

Would Daddy have accepted my sexuality if he was alive? He answered my wish for a girlfriend by bringing Lisa into my life so maybe it was a sign telling me that I deserve happiness and if a girl makes me happy then he is happy.

I just don't want to feel the way I have been feeling - depressed, unsure, scared, tired - I want to be happy and in love and with Lisa I am. It's thinking about other people and fear that I could loose her that makes me feel everything else.

I think far too much.
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