some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
I just finished watching Heavenly Creatures and these two girls who loved each other resorted to killing one of their mothers so they could be together. Of course in the end they were arrested and jailed and one term they were given when released was that they were to never see each other again.
So they murdered for love, what would you do? What would I do?
I don't think I would ever kill anyone, not because I don't think love is worth fighting for, but because no one has that kind of control over my life that the only way to be with someone was to kill. If someone stood in my way, I would walk around them and into my lover's arms.
But seriously, the farthest I think I would go to be with someone that I truly loved and who truly loved me would be to leave behind everyone and everything that I knew and loved and start a new life somewhere foreign where no one knew us and we could be together for ever.
I would move to the ends of the earth, run away to the moon, live in a cave ontop of the world if it meant living the rest of my life in the arms of the one I love, if it meant waking up beside her every morning and knowing that we had the rest of our lives together, if I could kiss her and know that no one would ever come between that kiss.
Murder however, I hope would never be an option. I believe there are only two times when it is acceptable to kill another human being, one being if it was either you or them to die, and the other if you were saving someone else who someone was going to kill. Saying that, I don't know if even in those situations if I would actually be able to kill, to pick up a rock and smash someone in the skull with it, if I could pick up an axe and chop into their body. Just thinking about that gives me the creeps. Hopefully this is as far as I will ever go with the idea, thinking and unsure. I never want to know for sure.
A word of advice for anyone who might be reading this and like me are still in the closet, don't rent a movie when you think it might have a gay theme when you live with roommates and they are home when you watch it, unless of course it is not unusual for you to watch movies of a gay theme when you are under cover of being straight.
No one said anything to me today, though a part of me wanted them to, but a few of them did come in and ask what I was watching, they didn't know the movie so they didn't know the main theme but had they I think there would have been questions running through their heads since I haven't rented a movie of such a nature while they were here, though they do know where I stand on the issue.
Had they asked me however, or if they ever ask me straight out if I am gay, I will be honest with my answer. I already feel like I am lying to them by not coming out, but if they asked directly it would be a direct lie if I were to say no, and I don't want to lie. I hate lying, I feel like I have been lying all my life and am sick of it.
So in conclussion what have I actually said today, that I would give up everything for love, I would kill in two situations but don't know if I actually could kill, and I hate lying. Yeah I think that about covers it, so on that note, I am off, it's early yet but my bed awaits me for tomorrow it is monday, the start of a new week full of classes, yipee. Three more months and I AM FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta love the sound of that, fer sure fer sure. Goodnight. Join me here tomorrow, same bat time same bat channel, BANG, SMASH, hehe, to the bat bed Robin;)