5 jan - 29 mar
2001
It is universally
agreed that the deluded Neil Fraser of Canada, a self-appointed heriditary
"chief", is a sanctimonious prig. Why?
Who
cares. The gobshite deserves a hard time. - 40%
Difficient
genes. Definitely not a Celt. - 18%
Warped
guilt for being of Scottish decent - 16%
his
parents tried selling him to a band of gypsies. - 6%
His
mother tossed him out with the bath water - 6%
A
love for England - 6%
Total votes - 18
7 dec 2000 -
5 jan 2001
Madonna's getting
hitched in Dornoch (Great camp site there). A bonzer wedding gift from
Clan Simidh:
nothing,
but let her spend like crazy locally - 40%
A
toaster - 20%
The
real names of the fathers of her children - 20%
Referral
to a good hairdresser - 20%
Sex
manual - 0%
The
latest Spice Girls disque - 0%
Total votes - 5
12 okt - 7 dec
2000
With americans
disinclined to vote, the rest of the world now gets a chance. Remember,
this will count.
Ralph
nader (Green Party) - 60%
Skippy
the Kangaroo - 40%
Bore
(Corporate lackey party) - 0%
Shrub
(Corporate Lackey Coke-head Party) - 0%
Buchanan
(Nazi Party) - 0%
Hagelin
(Science Nut Party) - 0%
Richard
Nixon (Dead's No Excuse Party) - 0%
Total votes - 14
7 sept - 12 okt
2000
Which Olympic
events will the Clan Simidh Team garner the most gold in Sydney?
Fraser
Slagging - 36%
Crocodile
Wrestling - 18%
haggis
Shooting - 18%
Sprinting
away from enraged haggis - 18%
Cow
tipping - 9%
Caber
Tossing - 1%
Bingo
- 0%
Grog
Swilling - 0%
Total Votes - 7
9 aug - 7 sept
2000
With Alex Salmond
stepping down from the SNP leadership, who should replace him?
John
Swinney - 36%
Alex
Neill- 27%
Alex
Salmond - 19%
Sir
Sean connery - 18%
Total Votes - 8
12 jul - 9 aug
2000
Which is the
best organization for Clan Simidh to forge an alliance with?
Veterans
of Clan Society Shite - 33%
Highland
Grrrls - 28%
The
Highland HillWalkers Blister league - 17%
Scottish
haggis Intensive Total Eradication - 9%
Surfers
Paradise Bowling Club - 9%
The
Caledonian ZZ Top Society - 4%
Total votes - 14
7 jun - 12 jul
2000
With million
quid offers pouring in, which products should Clan Simidh endorse?
Green
tourism in Scotland - 36%
Scottish
arts - 28%
Beer
& Whiskey - 12%
Haggis
& chips franchises - 12%
Both
Rangers & Celtics football clubs - 8%
Othopeadic
footwear - 4%
Total votes - 16
26 maj - 7 jun
2000
Appropriate
actions regarding the Mike tyson bout in Glasgow:
Continue
sabotaging ticket sales - 27%
Rape
& beat Tyson with a cricket bat - 27%
Obstruct
access to the venue - 18%
Put
Jack Straw in the ring with the beast - 18%
Phone
in bomb threats to Hampden on fight day - 10%
Let
him fight. Groveling to big money is good -0%
Total votes - 5
7 - 26 maj 2000
Which popular
sporting events should Clan Simidh sponsor?
Misdirecting
sullen, unfriendly German tourists - 26%
Shopping
trolley gran prix - 16%
Caber
spitting - 16%
Cordless
bungy jump racing - 16%
Fraser
bashing - 16%
Television
channel surfing - 10%
Total votes - 10
26 apr - 7 maj
2000
Bonzer, yet
modest aspirations for Clan Simidh:
More
defections from Clan Fraser - 46%
New
chapters in other countries - 18%
A
seat in the United Nations - 18%
Gift
of a small island - Australia - 9%
The
world...no, the Universe! - 9%
A
couple members in the new Scottish Parliament - 0%
Total Votes - 7
13 - 26 apr 2000
Scotland's most
pressing issues needing to be addressed by the new Parliament:
Unemployment
- 41%
Drugs
- 25%
Poverty
- 16%
Land
Reform - 10%
The
weather - 8%
Perks
for the MSP's - 0%
Total votes - 10
28 mar
- 13 apr 2000
With the destructive
rape of Urquhart Castle, what's the best course of action?
Organize
a tourist boycot of the site - 33%
Who's
making money out of this? Get them - 26%
Sic
macBeth's Wiccans on them with a curse - 20%
monkey
wrench raids on the construction equipment - 13%
feed
the approving poitikos to Nessie - 8%
have
nessie strike. no more sitings. - 0%
Total votes - 11
9 - 28 mar 2000
What should
be done about the new Parlaiment building fiasco?
Bring
in a Scottish architect - 31%
Sack
Donald Dewars, too. It was his call - 22%
Sack
the architect -13%
STOP!
The cost is out of control - 13%
Fill
the big hole, creating a big duck pond - 10%
Leave
the MSP's where they are - 9%
Total votes - 14
10 feb - 9 mar
2000
Clan Simidh
just might win the lotto. What to do witht he dough?
job
creation schemes for the Highlands - 25%
Tow
Scotland to a warmer climate - 23%
Computers
for Highland schools & libraries - 20%
Buy
ancient fraser estates. Then ban Frasers - 15%
open
a haggis, curry & chips franchise - 10%
Fly
the entire Clan to the Sydney olympics - 7%
Total votes - 23
2 - 10 feb 2000
Which potential
US presidential candidate would be friendliest to Scotland's interests?
Bill
Bradley - 42 %
John
McCain - 42%
$teve
Forbe$ - 14%
Al
Gore - 2%
Shrub
(sniffsniff) - 0%
Pat
"Hitler was framed!"Buchanan - 0%
Total votes - 5
23 dec 1999 -
2 feb 2000
What shall we
expect after the year turns to 2000?
it's
the end of the bloddy world, mate! - 27%
Just
wait and see. - 27%
An
independent Scotland, at last - 18%
We'll
awake back in the year 1900 - 18%
Same
ol', same ol'. - 9%
We'll
awaken in the Jetsons - 1%
Total votes - 7
23 - 30 dec 1999
Choose your
own Clan Simidh holiday blessing:
Happy
Solstice - 50%
Ho
Ho Ho Hare Krishna - 25%
Stomp
WTO - Democracy Now! - 25%
happy
Christmas - 0%
Bah
Humbug - 0%
Total votes - 4
16 - 23 dec 1999
Genre from which
to draw a Clan Simidh anthem:
Whatever
annoys the Frasers - 100%
Traditional
Scottish Folk - 0%
rap
(spelled with a capital "C") - 0%
Disco
- 0%
Jazz
- 0%
Hip-hop
tribal trance - 0%
Total Votes - 2
9 - 16
dec 1999
Best movie out
now (whether you've seen it or not)
Clan
Simidh is Not Enough - 50%
Being
John macSimidh - 50
Simidh
Hollow - 0%
End
of Frasers (starring Ah-nuld Simidhnegger) - 0%
Total votes - 2
2 - 9 dec
1999
Which of the
world's major religions should Clan Simidh identify with?
Leave
it to the individual, mate - 100%
Elvis
- 0%
television
- 0%
Blind,
rampant consumerism - 0%
Footy
- 0%
Grog
- 0%
Total votes - 3
25 nov - 2 dec
1999
Choice use for
those damned Frasers:
Novelty
paper weights and doorstops - 66%
Buoy
shark nets at swimming beaches - 33%
Zoo
exhibits - 1%
18
hour shifts down in the coal pits - 0%
Medical
experiments - 0%
Gifts
to enemy clans - 0%
Total votes - 3
18 - 25 nov 1999
Worthy Endeavour
for the Clan Simidh Ministry of Science:
A
cure for haggis - 66%
Drain
Loch Ness, finally resolving the enigma - 33%
Invent
instant deadly retaliation on spammers - 1%
(Wo)manned
spaceflight to another planet - L.A. - 0%
Concoct
ideas for worthy scientific Endeavors - 0%
Discover
sneaky access to Bill gates' Bank acct. - 0%
Total votes - 3
11 - 18 nov 1999
Favoured locale
for a Clan Simidh gathering:
loud
and rowdy adjacent to a Clan Fraser event - 100%
Inverness
Aquadome (cool waterslides!) - 0%
Elsewhere
in Inverness - 0%
A
Glasgow pub - 0%
Bondi
Beach, Sydney, Australia - 0%
Kiev,
Ukraine - 0%
Total Votes - 8
4 - 11 nov 1999
Aye, the ubiquitous
party preference poll. So which one should Clan Simidh throw it's hefty
weight behind?
Scottish
Socialist Party - 66%
Scottish
nationalist Party - 33%
Remain
Autonomous - 1%
Liberal
Democrats - 0%
New
Labour Corporate lackeys - 0%
Tory
Bastards - 0%
Total Votes - 3
29 okt - 4 nov
1999
Which would
make the dandiest new Clan Simidh slogan?
I'll
be ready when I'm ready, damnit! - 30%
Back
to the pub for some better ideas - 30%
For
the criac! - 20%
Gaidheal
gu brath (Highlander forever) - 10%
Stomp
Corporate Tyranny - 10%
Long
live King Sean 007 - 0%
Total Votes - 10
21-28 okt 1999
What shall grace
the new Clan Simidh crest?
Kangaroo
- 50%
Famke
Jannsen - 50%
Another
bloody stag - 0%
Bicycle
- 0%
Glenn
Mor - 0%
Wait
for better ideas - 0%
Total Votes - 2
Overtime was coughed
up to tally all the ballots. With a dead heat, we decided to attach Famke's
lovely head to the body of a roo.
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