29 juni 2004
Ta for the book sugggestions. How about films, mate?

     Pierre Simpson, Rennes, France

1 may 2002
Get in touch with your inner sheep dog.
 http://www.sheepgame.co.uk

P.S. - Happy May Day, Comrades!

     Guru Angus MacSimidh

9 feb 2002
Aye, it's not very Scottish, but you might be interested in your inner Hobbit
 http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/default.asp

     Merimac Loamsdown of Deephollow

22 dec 2001
My gift to the world this holiday season, is enlightening folk of one of our unsung singers. A Pavarati and Frank Sinatra rolled into one. A living cultural treasure. A light in these darkening times as the simian Crusader Bunnypants rids the world of evil Dewars and democracy.
 http://www.kevin.bloody.wilson.com.au/

     Pierre Simpson
     Rennes, France

8 dec 2001
I want to thank Clan Simidh for arranging the Faerie blessings for the coming Solstice. Both my legs had been lost in an unfortunate accident aboard a tramp freighter I was working. The doctors said I'd never walk again. Within a week of the that smile from within The Aird, my legs grew back. Sure, I won't be running the Boxing Day Marathon. Next year though. And claim the prize at that. Cheers.

    Rodney Livingstone
    Norfolk Island

4 feb 2001
An invitation to the Wally Close.  We are a ragtag band of refugees from other "Scottish" discussion boards (Like Shite.com, AKA Scotland.com), and chat rooms all over the WWW. For starters...The original residents of the Wally Close had in mind a place where Scots, ex-pat Scots, and non-Scots savvy about Scotland could get together and chew the fat. No Frasers.  No MacWannabes. No kilt fetishists. We don't have free homepages, free e-mail, or 945,346,289 members, but we do have rhythm.  And music.  Who could ask for anything more?

Anyhow, Clan Simidh and all its septics are invited. Here's the directions:
 http://pub24.ezboard.com/bthewallyclose

29 jul 2000
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds.
"Look son, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
God replied, "It's a planet and I've put LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there is a balance between everything on it." For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of white people in the north and another one of black people in the south".
The archangel then said, "And what's that long white line there?"
And God said "Ah - that is Scotland - the land of the purple heather and that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth: beautiful Mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, islands and an exquisite coast-line. These people here are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world inventing all of life's necessities. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working, and high achieving."
Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said they're was going to be a balance".
God replied wisely "Wait until you see the utterly irritating loud-mouthed wankers I'm putting next to them."

    Solitaire

14 maj 2000
With wild feral haggis becoming endemic, folk in both rural and urban areas are being urged to take haggis survival precautions. A training range has been made available to all, free of charge as a public service (except to Frasers).  http://www.cybersurf.co.uk/home/shockwave/haggis.htm
    Donald Stewart, Scottish Haggis Intensive Total Eradication (SHITE)

(NOTE: The training range has been over run and destroyed by a warm of wild haggis. The good news is that it occurred on a day resesrved for Frasers)

1 maj 2000
Happy May Day!!!
    Kiwi Simidh's, Christchurch, New Zealand

29 mar 2000
Och an' aye, lad, it was a wild haggis I did see but two night ago at the corner of Main and Bridge Street, Cathair na Mart, County Mayo! I was minding me own business delivering the wee papers to the corner shop, when I heard the call of nature, and being a 'real mon' I did look aboot and when I saw no WC I headed for the nearest shrubbery to deal with nature's call, as any real mon would do.  No sooner had I fetched me lad from his hiding place but I did hear a fearful sound coming up fast behind me!  At first I was startled, and looking down at 'willie' I asked "Was that you, Willie?" even though I'd never known me lad to make such a great sound before this night.  It was then that I heard an even more fearful sound as I swung around, clutching Willie close beside me
for I had yet had the chance to finish the duty for which nature had summoned me, did I see what had to be a snarling, mouth-foaming mongrel haggis of great size and canny smell (the likes of which I have never known afore)!  So wretched and foul was the beastie before me that I near fainted as the wind did waif his rank and vile order toward me! There was nothing a mon could do but flee, and flee I did heading down the street clutching me lad and heading toward the cannery, where no self respecting beast would follow.... but follow the wild mongrel haggis did! I ran until I thought I could run no farther, and that was just as I reached the steps in front of Our Lady of Perpectual Sorrows, right when the Women's Against Pornography Citizen's Volunteer Army were letting out of their monthy meeting and coming down the steps to spot me standing there.... breathless, holding me lad in me hand and them not knowing a wild mongrel haggis was close behind me with teeth barred and ready to attack! As I tried to gather
my wind about me to warm them of impending terror and doom close behind me, the old bags did raise their umbrellas in one unified motion as they came roaring down the steps heading straight at me -  yelling at the top of their lungs  the likes of which I never thought women of good Christian baring would say!  I bopped and dodged their flailing umbrellas..... but the haggis, coming up late behind me as he was, was unprepared and they hit him square and fair and laid him out cold, and while they were gaping at him as he lay spread-eagle before them, I did I seize my chance to sneak around behind them and make it to safety behind a less populated shrubbery as the last, and with great relief did I finally get to relieve myself.  And that is the whole of my tale of sighting a
wild mongrel haggis two nights ago.
    Angus MacSimidh

18 mar 2000
My mates and I had just been tossed out of the fookin' Glasgow Exhibition Hall for being pissed and rowdy. Aye, we were. So what. I stumbled over to the Clyde for a quick spew, ken. What I witnessed struck me with instant sobriety. A pair of 'em swimming up river. Wild haggis, urbanized.
    Clive MacKenzie, Glasgow

10 mar 2000
I was rambling along the moor, peering up at an interesting cloud, when I tumbled into a hole. That saved my life. For just as I began picking myself up, a frightening roar caused my bowls to loosen. The ground trembled with the beast's passing. Finally, I peeked up through the heather, and saw to my horror the retreating back of a wild haggis.
    Comrade Angus

22 Feb 2000
Return me to Scotland, where I belong.
    Elian Gonzalez, [email protected]