journal9

I was continuing to deal with an unpleasant legal situation back in Missouri. Even though this email was dated Sept 9, I am using it for week 9 to give some background on the problem. Also, my book proposal was rejected—but I think I was too optimistic—this was only the first publisher the proposal had been sent to. Still, I had my heart set on the book being published, so it was a difficult blow. The legal situation in particular kept me distracted and I had a difficult time concentrating on course work:

This rejection hit me particularly hard--I had high hopes of getting the
book published immediately. But, I also understand that it would be unusual
to be accepted by the first publisher for a first book.

I have had a difficult time since arriving at BSU. I am embroiled in legal
issues with my former husband. We have two children together--Andy is 18
and Albert is 21. Albert is emancipated and Andy is attending OTC and
living with his brother. According to Missouri law, because I was
designated primary residential custodian of Andy, I was supposed to notify
my former husband that I was leaving the state. I didn't think about that,
as Andy had moved out of the house and was settling in down in Springfield.
His father wants to pay child support directly to Andy, which I have no
problem with, but he also wants the court to order me to pay child support
based upon my anticipated PhD earnings, and has filed a motion in Jackson
County to that effect. He and his lawyer argue that my PhD is not necessary
and that I am highly employable with an MA, and surprisingly, the law is
more on his side than mine. I am incensed that this man continues to try to
control my life--I have never seen such a bitter, vindictive person--all
because I had the temerity to file for divorce from him twelve years ago.
This is his 15 minutes of fame--

I'm stressed because of the new situation at BSU, and that I don't know
whether I will be able to continue on with my PhD studies. If I am ordered
to pay child support at my anticipated PhD earnings, there is no way I can
continue with my studies. Then I will have to find a job with my MA--either
way--he will have accomplished what he set out to do.

The book rejection was a disappointment, but you have made me feel it is
still a worthwhile project. Do you have suggestions regarding any
publishers? I'm also dusting off my BDSM group interview and will send it
off to a couple of magazines just to test the waters.

In another email, I will tell you about the teacher prep program at BSU.
How are things in the comp/rhet department at SMSU?

Write soon and often. Jason and I have been corresponding, but that
correspondence has dropped off slightly since we both began school. Gee, I can't imagine why--smile.

I'm miserable in Muncie. It's bad enough that I'm in Muncie, but . . . I don't know . . . there's something else. The program is an excellent program—the faculty is top notch. But somewhere along the way I have lost what it takes to do this thing. I can't muster enthusiasm for research—I can’t get excited about issues and ideas faculty members and my peers get excited about. I don't know if it's because I put so much into my MA, and my brain is tired. I've been off balance since I've been here and that hasn't improved over time. I'm not sure leaving Missouri at this time was the best thing to do—the legal issues still are not settled. I know I want to write, not necessarily academic work, but articles, interviews, journalistic type of writings. I'm thinking that perhaps a journalism program might give me more of what I want and need.