Makes my eyelashes curl

Women would kill me for them, I know. But they're thorns in my eyes, literally. Getting my contact lenses in without impaling myself has all the tension of a Cirque du Soleil act. My ex-boyfriend's brother, a hair colorist, once dyed them for me, but I ended up looking like a cross between Tammy Faye and an alpaca. No one can see them because they're so light colored, but I know they're there. Oh, do I know. A few months ago I tried applying clear mascara and almost had to be rushed to the emergency room. I trimmed them once and was practically blind from the stabbing stubs that remained. Like a cat's whiskers, they somehow affect my balance.



I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna buy an eyelash curler.