What You Need To Know

What works for one Alzheimer's patient is no guarantee that it will work for another.

Practice patience, backing off, being embarrassed, and keeping quiet.

Forget logic, reasoning, and fighting back.

Learn to lie to smooth things over for both you and your loved one. Your nose won't grow longer, you won't be punished. You don't have to explain facts like, "Your mother died long ago." You can say, "She's at the market. We'll see her tomorrow." Lying to an Alzheimer's patient is usually a kindness.

Don't ask questions like, "Do you want your breakfast now?" Instead, announce, "Breakfast is ready." Answering questions confuses Alzheimer's patients.

Understand that 'no' can mean 'yes', 'you' can mean 'me', 'he' can mean 'her'.

Learn to agree no matter how outrageous the situation may be, stay flexible.

Apologize for whatever upsets your loved one, especially when its not your fault.

Remember to take care of yourself, don't strain; keep your back strong.

Don't be a martyr--it's highly overrated--besides, it can kill you. Take all the help you can get.

Choose your battles, don't sweat the small stuff, and keep focused.

Knock off the guilt, it impedes your ability to function, and none of it is your fault. No one has total control all the time. Even Superman gets laid low by kryptonite.

Keep phone numbers handy for local police, ambulance and the fire department. If you phone 9-1-1, be sure it's for a valid emergency.

Find and join a support group. Go to on-line message boards and chat rooms.

Remember that a vow, promise or wish to care for someone doesn't mean that you have to do it all alone all the time in your own home. Sometimes professional care is best for everyone and it still fulfills your vows.

Develop a daily routine for your loved one, and stick to it sequentially as much as possible. Time means nothing to an Alzheimer's patient, so the sequencing is more important than the timing.

Prepare to set aside your own preferences, friends, and activities.

Be ready to rearrange your house and the schedules of all family members.

Get rid of all guns--no excuses.

When your loved one won't do what you've asked him to do, walk away for a few minutes, then come back and try again, and maybe even again, he needs time to process your words--and maybe he'll never get it.

Repeat instructions simply, slowly, over and over, word for word in the same tone. Changing the words changes the message and confuses him.

If your loved one gets angry, leave him alone, he's frustrated, unable to understand what's happening. Don't escalate his frustration by arguing with him.

Rather than saying 'I'm only trying to help you with this,' ask your loved one to help you, or say 'let's do this together.' He will feel better about himself.

What worked on Monday may not work on Tuesday.

There will be times when nothing will work.

When you do everything for him and he turns on you, it's hard not to take it personally.

You're human--when you make mistakes, lose your temper, and have bad thoughts--be grateful that you're normal.

Cry--it cleanses your system, releases tension, and you've earned it.

Laugh--really, it's OK--sometimes things are just so darn funny.

Caregivers need a long time to understand and learn these things. Don't despair; no one ever gets everything right all the time. It takes practice, experimenting, trial and error, incredible patience, and not being hard on yourself. The disease teaches you as you go along.

"There are only four kinds of people in this world: Those who are caregivers, Those who were caregivers, Those who will be caregivers, And those who will need the help of a caregiver." Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter

* Home * What you Need to Know * Words to Live By * Author's Notes*

* Endorsements * Foreword * Table of Contents * Sample Book Pages *

* Statistics * Stages of Alzheimer's * Save the Caregiver *

* Memory Loss in Alzheimer's, Dementia, & Normal Aging *

* Driving * Delusions & Hallucinations *

* I Have Alzheimer's * Remarks & Reviews *

* You're in Good Company * Where to Buy the Books *

* And God Laughs *