In almost all cases, the Alzheimer's patient will progress in his disease no matter where he is or who takes care of him. Sometimes a drug may slow down the progression, but under the best of circumstances, the patient will always continue to decline. It is the caregiver, then, that really needs to be saved and that's one of the hardest parts of Alzheimer's caregiving.

Not to minimize the profound stress on other caregivers, the statistics for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients are scary. The American Health Assistance Foundation reports that 43% of such caregivers fall into a clinical depression that can linger for years even after the loved one has died. Other statistics estimate that 15% of them will die before their contemporaries and many will die before their loved one does.

The Journal of the American Medical Association, December 15, 1999, Vol. 282, No. 23 states that elderly caregivers with a history of chronic illness themselves who are experiencing caregiving related stress have a 63% higher mortality rate than their non-caregiving peers. Scary.

Others have to do their best, gently if possible, to try to see that caregivers, especially the elderly, get regular help, even though they may routinely say 'no thanks'.

The problem for the caregiver is that as the patient loses more and more cognitive abilities, the caregiver has to be in a constant crisis mode, always on alert, 24/7 even through the night. Stress, frustration, feelings of helplessness are unending. Emotions are stretched to the breaking point. Sleep deprivation is a given. It becomes more and more physically draining.

In addition, the caregiver is often going through a deep, prolonged grieving process, not only from seeing a loved one fade away in front of them, but also for the loss of a life style, a career, education, losing friends, other family members, social activities and personal freedom. This is particularly true for younger caregivers, especially those with small children.

There is never enough time or money. Marriage, children, other relationships, the home and the caregiver's own well-being are frequently neglected as the Alzheimer's patient demands more and more immediate attention to the exclusion of all others.

So if you are the caregiver, understand what you may be up against and don't hesitate to ask for and accept help whenever possible.

Professional caregivers are beginning to refuse to go into an Alzheimer's house without another caregiver to share the load. Caregiving agencies will tell you that those going on calls for Alzheimer's patients burn out much sooner than others and many simply stop accepting such assignments.

If you are not an Alzheimer's caregiver, but know someone who is, you may not have realized how difficult and challenging that job is. Even when it is done with love, it is daunting beyond belief. There are things you can do that are not expensive or terribly time consuming. Please give thought to the following. If you do any of these things, a place of honor will be reserved just for you in heaven and your karma will runneth over.

Give time: Offer to stay with the patient while the caregiver rests, takes a walk, shops, visits the beauty parlor, goes to a movie. Make a scheduled time--maybe once a month for a few hours, or even once every other month. Don't say, "Call me if you need anything." Chances are a caregiver will not call unless it's a dire emergency. If you cannot do it yourself, but you have the resources, arrange for a professional caretaker, even if it's only half a day.

Little chats: A phone call or a short visit will be appreciated. Don't assume the caregiver is always so busy that she can't take time to talk. Phone before you visit. If you call while she is giving her loved one a bath or a meal, if she's unable to chat when you phone, ask her when it will be convenient for you to call back--and then--remember to do so. Don't be put off if she says she can't talk at the moment.

Food: Prepare extra portions when you cook your own meals. Put the food in disposable containers and take them to the caregiver. When you shop, buy an extra pie or ice cream for the caregiver and her patient. Prepare some pudding. Almost all Alzheimer patients love sweets.

Chores: Be specific. Offer to pitch in and help with small chores--dishes, vacuuming, laundry, shopping, doing errands--but don't get too pushy. Sometimes, 'no thank you, I'm fine', means just that.

An outing: If the patient is easy to manage and able to go out, arrange to take him away from the house for a couple hours--picnic in the park, walk along the beach, visit a museum--short, simple activities. This will give the caregiver time in her house for a leisurely bath, to finish a book, watch a video--just to be alone for a bit without interruption.

Listen: This is possibly the best thing you can do--just listen. Don't judge, criticize, deny what she says, or offer unsolicited advice. Be supportive, encouraging, and let her vent.

Many communities have respite programs for caregivers alone or with their loved one.

Send for the booklet:

"Share the Caring: Helpful Hints for Caregivers & Those
Who Care About Them"
National Family Caregivers Association
10400 Connecticut Av. #500
Kensington MD 20895-3944
*800-896-3650
301-942-6430
www.nfcacares.org

We Care at Home
groups.yahoo.com/group/WECAREATHOME

HelpGuide
http://www.helpguide.org/sitemap.htm
Click on Alzheimer's/Dementia

Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center
Click - 'Caregiver Issues'
www.usc.edu/lacrc

The National Woman's Health Information Center www.4woman.gov/faq/caregiver.htm

Indications that a caregiver needs additional assistance:

1. Not sleeping
2. Crying uncontrollably
3. Not getting things done
4. Anger at and hitting your loved one
5. Relationships with others deteriorating
6. Increased drinking, smoking, use of drugs
7. Poor appetite or uncontrolled eating
8. Retreating into yourself
9. Thinking no one else can adequately care for your loved one and
refusing help.
10. Always feeling sorrow, guilt or hopelessness

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