AYN CLOUTER

These are my old archives, from the start of this site on August 13, 2003, through the last post here on November 23, 2003. Since then I've been posting my latest rants at:

AYN CLOUTER'S BLOG

The new web log is much more frequently updated, and even has built-in Commenting, so you can lavish praise or nitpick typos. Come on over and join the fun.

WHAT OTHERS SAY:

For a collection of remarks about my stuff by other sites see THIS PAGE.

THE VERMEER CODE (May 6, 2005)

Posted on this site because it's easier to put up pictures here than on my web log, this copiously illustrated immorality tale of a libidinous ex-President, a bibulous Presidential daughter, an ambitious Congresswoman, a light-intoxicated Old Master, and warring secret ancient cults of Persian religious fanatics, with some names changed to protect the gelt, all at "The Vermeer Code" (May 6, 2005).

OLDER STUFF:

Below are links to the old pre-blog stuff on this site. Looking back today, the one that seems to hold up best is my August 15 entry for Fair and Balanced Day; the one I most enjoyed writing at the time was The Blogfather; the one I have the most second thoughts about was November 4, which seemed to go right past almost everyone's head; and the one which produced the strongest and most disparate reactions (including Sasha Castel's "It's difficult to tell if this person is joking or not.") was Canonize Bush.

SHOWING THEIR CLAWS (Nov. 23, 2003)

This week the evil League of Liberals are "suggesting" that their deluded dupes call attention to their new member Anarchy Xero's entry in the New Blog Showcase, "Iraq = Death". Their effort is a revealing Lorenzian slip (that's like a Freudian slip, but with animals). Read more about the insidious "cat blogging" code, feline politics, The Clenis (TM) and his pets, and big cat and donkey terrorism in "Showing Their Claws".

Old Europe Cowers Again (Nov. 19, 2003)

Just how pathetically anxious are the denizens of "Old Europe" to kneel down before Islamofascists and imitate Monica Lewinsky? This story shows why the President of Arbusto has declared a true "War On Terra". (Reporters keep misunderstanding this, because they think he is just saying "Terror" with a Texas accent.) Read the disgusting details HERE.

Mission Accomplished (Nov. 16, 2003)

Just as George W. Bush proclaimed aboard that aircraft carrier, I have achieved a great victory in the War On Terrorism. In my case, it was the successful infiltration of an insidious left wing conspiracy to try and spread their vicious ideas by mutual linking among members of the so-called "League Of Liberals". These short-sighted dupes actually invited me to join, asking only that I vote in N.Z. Bear's showcase contest for new bloggers, suggesting that I post something like this: "And Then's entry in the New Blog Showcase is Late Night With Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist." Read more about this triumph of espionage HERE.

The Blogfather (Nov. 14, 2003)

This novel presents the blogging world like a struggle between Mafia bosses, fighting not for money or power, but for links to their web sites. The main figure is the one with the most traffic and the most powerful links: Instypoohbah, the Blogfather, referred to by his supporters (who truncate his site's name at both ends) as Typo, or more respectfully, Don Typo. The book begins in a courtroom, where TV commentator Bob Oriole watches in helpless anger as a judge, corrupted by fuzzy liberal ideas, throws out his lawsuit against a so-called comic for stealing the slogan of his news network. When his shouts of "Shut up!" are ignored by the judge, he realizes that the only place he can go for justice is to the Blogfather. Read the rest HERE.

How I Came To Hate Liberals (Nov. 4, 2003)

My readers often ask me, "Ayn, most real Americans don't like liberals' absurd ideas, but don't actually loathe liberals themselves with your intensity. How did you come to hate them so much?" Well, I burn for the far right because the left-leaning glaciers nearby must be boiled away. Read the rest HERE.

Rename The Democrats (Oct. 29, 2003)

Incoming California Governor Schwarzenegger has a great opportunity to terminate a true enemy of all Americans. Using the same state law that Nike was sued under for its allegedly misleading ads, he can sue the Democratic Party for its phony claim to stand for democracy. As they prove each day, with filibusters, quorum-breaking walkouts, and fights against recalls, the Democrats are really only committed to opposing the rights of political majorities. For the sake of truth in advertising, they must be required to change their name. Naturally, I have several helpful suggestions for a new label. Read the rest HERE.

Canonize Bush (Oct. 21, 2003)

Mother Teresa has just been beatified, to the acclaim of liberals across the planet. Yet this heroine of do-gooders everywhere did nothing more than provide poor people a place to die. The time has come to honor someone who stands not for the passive self-sacrifice of "old Europe", but the proactive "tough love" described by Nietzsche: "The weak and the failures shall perish: first principle of our love of man. And they shall even be given every possible assistance." Who better to embody this attitude than the compassionate conservative who is leading the new crusade against the heathen infidels and bleeding-heart big spenders? Let's begin now the process to beatify, then canonize, a new American Saint George -- George W. Bush. Read the rest HERE.

The Zeroth Commandment (August 30)

Let me throw a bone to the mealy-mouthed moderate mutts nipping at my well-turned ankles. They've accused me of violating Ronald Reagan's Eleventh Commandment -- "Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican". I have nothing but good words for one Republican who is the true unsung hero of the fight over the Ten Commandments monument in Alabama. That man is Tony Scalia. The Justice for Opus Dei, who didn't let the precedents of his own decisions stand in the way of his picking the President of the United States, has struck another mighty blow against liberals. Think of him like Charlton Heston: he has brought down for us a new Zeroth Commandment. Read the rest HERE.

Visit The Utah State FAIR AND BALANCED Rock -- See The Stone Clenis!! (August 15)

Right-thinking moral Americans are always asking me "Ayn, where can I take my family on vacation without exposing them to decadence and acres of exposed flesh?" Here's my suggestion: go to Utah, the most Republican state in the union, where the values of an Old Testament God are still honored (but without all that bothersome Jewish stuff about circumcisions and not eating blood). Read the rest HERE.

My Next Book: Jaywalking (August 13)

Think about it: why did Jimmy Carter, later to disgrace himself by accepting the Ignoble Prize, get out of his car and walk down the middle of the street at his inauguration? And since this was clearly against the law, why wasn't he arrested for jaywalking? Read the rest HERE.