AYN CLOUTER

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Mission Accomplished (Nov. 16, 2003)

Just as George W. Bush proclaimed aboard that aircraft carrier, I have achieved a great victory in the War On Terrorism. In my case, it was the successful infiltration of an insidious left wing conspiracy to try and spread their vicious ideas by mutual linking among members of the so-called "League Of Liberals". These short-sighted dupes actually invited me to join, asking only that I vote in N.Z. Bear's showcase contest for new bloggers, suggesting that I post something like this: "And Then's entry in the New Blog Showcase is Late Night With Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist."

Here's how this triumph of espionage happened. On November 14, I posted a review of The Blogfather, which mentioned the "League of Leftys", a group foolishly trying to link-whore their way to surpass the influence of the noble and conservative Instypoohbah. The Bear himself, another noble conservative, has exposed the communalistic underpinnings of these evil left wingers in this post. My clever reference attracted the attention of the always self-obsessed League Of Liberals members, resulting in this email to me:

"I would like to invite you to join our League of Liberals. Anyone who "hates" liberals as much as Ayn Clouter should be a member so we can keep an eye on her 8^)"

Why would these quasi-Marxist dupes invite such a known enemy into their midst? One reason is the same thing which always makes them defeat themselves: guilty consciences which are never sure they are always right, and so insist on reaching out to other ideas, diversity, and tolerance. Hah!! We on the correct, that is the right, side, have never had any trouble with self-doubt, despite any possible "evidence". When you are certain you have the truth, "facts" are merely distractions.

But there is another key to this victory. We had previously inserted another saboteur within the ranks of this League. By cleverly pretending to be one of them, he weaseled himself into a position where he was able to make invitations to new members. Thus he could ask me to join, and by phrasing his notice to them in terms of a liberal attitude to their foes, make the guilt-ridden self-doubters acquiesce in this coup de blog. I wrote back to him:

"Dear Agent In Place #BB67385, a.k.a. Barry:

"I'm delighted that you have managed to infiltrate this insidious conspiracy far enough that you can invite more true and just reactionary authoritarians to join in and stack the deck even higher against those foolishly unsuspecting liberal wimps. By all means, tell everyone that you want to admit me "to keep an eye on me". As one of my favorite writers said (though it is prettier in the original Deutsch) "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." But stick with that story, which should keep them deluded while we subvert and sabotage from within. No one should suspect the plot, unless I make a mistake and hit "reply to all" instead of just "reply". "

So now they have been intimidated by the inherent contradiction of their own ideology into welcoming the open and explicit wolf into their own pre-industrial cave. Of course, we had to strike fast to mop up the holdouts. The next email that went out on the subject said this:

"Sound the alarm! There's a Rightwing Conspir...gahhh! [We are currently experiencing difficulties. Please stand by.]" --NTodd of Dohiyi Mir.

Yes, he has now been replaced by a pod. This wonderful technique for permanent replacement of our enemies by substitution of duplicates was unfortunately leaked many years ago in a cult science-fiction film. More recently, to undercut this revelation, we arranged for that movie to be remade in a version so unwatchable that it sank into oblivion -- but since it is more recent, the older and more frightening one has faded away. We know how to co-opt the weapons of our Hollywood foes.

My still-undercover correspondent in the League then wrote this:

"Agent Ayn:

"With Agent In Place #BB67385, a.k.a. Barry as a sponsor you are automatically in. None of the usual hazing and 'completion of quests' -- no "polygraph tests" or the usual ritual torture."

It was with mixed emotions that I replied "can I get to do 'the usual ritual torture' next time, pretty please??"

His response was this: "In the background -- "Heat up the battery charger Jack and fill up those buckets with water. We've got a live one who gets a charge out of your specialty" 8^)"

I am certainly looking forward to that opportunity.

Our victory was celebrated when the League posted this on their web site:

"The League of Liberals is PROUD dismayed to WELCOME tolerate the inclusion of AYN CLOUTER just to keep an eye on her. AYN is the infamous author of THE BLOGFATHER review and the shrill twisted diatribe "How I Came To Hate Liberals" Ayn's work like CANONIZE BUSH and RENAME THE DEMOCRATS has caused speculation about her possible membership in The Landover Baptist Church There should be no question now that The League of Liberals is unbearably Liberal. We are truly the "party of inclusion" and we may see applications from LITTLE BROWN POOHBALLS and the INSTYPOOHBAH. NOTE: If any of the membership wishes to call into question the leadership that has allowed inclusion of Ayn Clouter and The Politburo Diktat to the League now is the time to speak your piece. Welcome to "The Big Tent"."

The possibilities for undermining and distorting this campaign by the left wingers are legion. In coming weeks I shall also reveal to my faithful conservative readers more of the hideous deep internal secrets of these traitorous liberals in the League and their laughably "revealing" web sites. Check back with my site each week for more juicy details about these evildoers in our midst.

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