| Internal Stresses |
| SOURCES OF INTERNAL STRESS For all of us, survivors or not, external pressures (stress) hook into our own personal histories. Often how we behaved during our formative years in order to receive acceptance or love carries on into adult hood, bringing with it an internal stress - leftovers from childhood that contribute to how we behave and drive ourselves as adults. These messages, or leftovers, form persistent �tapes� which run through our heads and are not always appropriate now. For instance we may have felt: the need to be �perfect�. the need to be loved and appreciated by everybody. the need to be seen as thoroughly competent in every situation. the need to respond to every demand by saying �yes�. and so on. The value of being aware of where these �tapes� or �back seat drivers� come from is that there then becomes an element of choice and we have the opportunity of getting back in control. �Tapes� can be very strong and may not disappear but at least there is the chance of being able to do something about them. The following set of 25 questions can help you to identify what your �back seat drivers� are. All you need to do is to answer each question �yes�, �no� or �to some extent� (ie sometimes) and keep a record of your answers. What to do with the answers comes later, and is a fairly simple process. |
| Section 1 1. Do you set yourself high standards and then criticise yourself for failing to meet them? 2. Is it important to you to be right? 3. Do you feel discomforted (i.e. Irritated, annoyed) by small messes or discrepancies, such as a spot on a garment or the wallpaper, an ornament or tool out of place, a disorderly presentation of work? 4. Do you hate to be interrupted? 5. Do you like to explain things in detail and precisely? Section 2 6. Do you do things (especially for others) that you don�t really want to? 7. Is it important to you to be liked? 8. Are you fairly easily persuaded? 9. Do you dislike being different? 10. Do you dislike conflict? Section 3 11. Do you have a tendency to do a lot of things simultaneously? 12. Would you describe yourself as �quick� and find yourself getting impatient with others? 13. Do you tend to talk at the same time as others and finish their sentences for them? 14. Do you like to �get on with the job� instead of talking about it? 15. Do you set yourself unrealistic time limits (especially too short)? Section 4 16. Do you hide or control your feelings? 17. Are you reluctant to ask for help? 18. Do you have a tendency to put yourself (or find yourself) in the positions of being depended upon? 19. Do you have a tendency not to realise how tired or hungry or ill you are but instead �keep going�? 20. Do you prefer to do things on your own? Section 5 21. Do you hate �giving up� or giving in� always hoping that this time it will work? 22. Do you have a tendency to start things and not finish them? 23. Do you tend to compare yourself and you performance with others and feel inferior or superior accordingly? 24. Do you find yourself going around in circles with a problem, feeling stuck but unable to let go of it? 25. Do you have a tendency to be �the rebel� or the �odd one out� in the group? |
| The Questions |
| For each 'yes' score 1 (one) point For each 'no' score 0 (nil) point For each 'to some extent' score � (half) a point You will see that the questions are divided up into 5 sections of 5 questions each. Add up your score for each section. You will score between 0 and 5 points. If, in any section you score 3� points or above, it is likely that the driver for that particular section is too dominant. Click on the link to that section for more information. |
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| Graphics courtesy of |