Sidney Gandillo (Analyst and Marketing Manager)

As an infant, Sidney lost both his parents including his father, in a tragic accident with a polar bear during a field trip in the jungles of the Congo. Raised and tutored by jungle apes in the treetop metropolis of Kangaroo Pouch, he left Ivory-Poacher Grammar College to attend the prestigious Royal University of Fallopian Research, where he graduated with a first-class honors degree in Political Theology, Global Thermonuclear Warfare and Fine Art. Whist studying for a doctorate in Bio-chemical and Molecular Mathematics, he was also schooled in the ancient arts of Ninjitsu and fencing.

A deeply religious man, Sidney practices Taoist philosophy whilst maintaining a keen interest in voodoo and black magic. A keen writer, he has had many works published, most notably his groundbreaking analysis on "The Psychological Link Between Man and Turkey" and his book �Pigeons: Pie or Porn?�, in which he explores the links between pigeon pie and latent homosexuality. His latest literary masterpiece focuses on the direct correlation between sunspot activity and the menstrual cycle of grey seals.

Highly respected throughout the scientific world, Gandillo is currently conducting research into the discovery of a link between hurricanes in the Southern Hemisphere and canine distemper. His most controversial work to date is his theory which challenges the widely held concept of the seven day week in favour of an eight day week and reveals the discovery of Pwangsday, which was widely used during the Cretaceous period but which mysteriously vanished from computer records during the last Ice Age.

In his spare time, Gandillo lectures at Ivy League colleges, whilst crusading for world peace and advising on pre-emptive tactical nuclear warfare.