Javier Bannini (Analyst and Entertainment Manager)

The birth of this great warrior of Earth�s intellectual army was announced by the poignant words of his mother, when she declared at the top of her voice "Aaagghhhhh". The son of a sheep, he grew up in privileged surroundings - luxury, comfort and safety just some of the words that he knew. In fact, with a plethora of servants at his disposal, the professor was a late starter intellectually; indeed he was seventeen before he first successfully wiped his own bottom (previous unsuccessful attempts should not be mentioned in his presence). However, this delayed onset of intellectual stimuli acted only to stimulate his thirst for knowledge, so much so that even from these humble beginnings, by the age of nineteen he had graduated with a first-class honours degree in Anal Cleanage, from the University of Upper Colon. It goes without saying that this led directly to a Masters Degree in Particle Physics, and a PhD in Sickula Regurtology, with his stunning Thesis "An Invasive Investigation of the Hyperactivity of the Carrot Gland During Times of Great Physical Upheaval" winning critical acclaim, with a feature film to follow in the near future.

The Professor completed his formal education with his Professorship, which was granted in recognition of his life-long dependency on heroin (from the age of seventeen). He is keen to point out that learning never ends, indeed, since 1978, he has learnt a new thing every day. (The Professor is keen not to over-exert himself: on learning a new thing, he locks himself in a dark room for the remainder of the day).

He married a woman in 1956, and they now have four beautiful fish. He was a keen train-spotter until just last year, when he realised he had seen all of them, and has now moved on to doing jigsaws. Shortly to enjoy his 745th birthday, he is indeed an intellectual giant of our time.