I have long wanted to create a support site for others, like me who have suffered a loss. I know there are many wonderful sites and listservs and posting boards that do this already. I however want to take a bit of a different approach. While I am intent on making this a support site, I also want it to be informative not only for those who have experienced a loss, but also for friends, lovers, and families of these wonderful women. I am certain that losses have left husbands and boyfriends speechless. In some cases they are forced to privately grieve, while publicly supporting and being strong for their loved ones. Many women find that they are isolating themselves from those who simply cannot understand their sorrows. I want to bridge that gap. Those who have never experienced a loss can never fully understand what we have gone through and continue to deal with every day of our lives. But perhaps through this site, I can help them be more patient and to see why we will always be grieving, why we do not get over it on their imaginary timetables. We will never just get over it.
If I can help to reduce the use of the phrases from would be comforters mouths and minds, all the better:
-It was for the Best.
-Something was wrong with the baby.
-It was God's will.
-Don't worry, you're young, you'll get pregnant again, you'll have others.
-That's just great! This was actually said to a friend by one of her co-workers. When asked to explain this remark the co-worker declared that at least my friend knew she could get pregnant and that was what was really important. Apparantly to this church-going, bible-thumping co-worker the life of the baby that my friend had lost was a non-issue?
I also want to raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss. More and more women are joining our ranks everyday. It is very likely that you know someone who has experienced a loss. And while it is true that every person deals with their loss differently, I have yet to meet one who didn't grieve at all. One in three pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth. Thirty-three percent (33%) of all pregnancies end in heartache. That needs to change.
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