Part nine: Reputation or
love
She was at home one day, writing. She had gone past
writing plays and into poetry. She found that she could express herself more
with it. She heard a knock on the door and went to answer it. When she opened
the door, Nini, one of the courtesans that still
lived at the Moulin Rouge, was at the door, bawling.
"Nini, what's wrong?" she asked.
"It's Zidler. He can't keep up this place any more and, and, and,"
she started, but collapsed and cried. "He's selling it. The duke's
renovations added more to the rent and since no money has been coming in, he
has to get rid of it. They're tearing down the Moulin Rouge, Emma. They find it
useless," she continued.
"Maybe there's something we can do. Maybe I can write another play. Or
maybe I can get Christian to write another play. There has to be something we
can do," she said softly. Inside, she was screaming. This place was hers
and she couldn't find somewhere else to live. She couldn't live with Christian.
They weren't married and she had already broken her virtues with him. If she
couldn't live here, she had to go back to
"You don't get it again, do you? Their tearing down the Moulin Rouge,
whether you try to stop them or not. You can't save the day again, Emma. This
old dump will be gone by this time next month." Nini
got up and looked her square in the eye. "And lover boy won't be able to
stop it. He may love you, Emma, but there will only be one love for him and
that was Satine. If she were still alive today, you wouldn't be in his pants
and I highly doubt that if you were living here, you wouldn't be a writer. Just
get on with your life. All he wants is someone to do the deed with and when
you're off and knocked up, he'll leave you. The only love he'll ever have is
Satine," she said coldly. Emma couldn't believe she was hearing this. Out
of hate, she slapped the whore once, twice, three times before she said
anything.
"You're just jealous, you old whore. Satine had a love and I have a love
and all you want is to be loved! Well, if you want to be loved so badly, stop
trying to tell people what you think is the truth and start caring about their
feelings. Because Christian would never do that to me.
Never in a million years. He may have loved Satine, but that was then and this
is now. And he loves me!" she looked at her coldly. Then she figured it
out. "And you'll never have his love. Because all you want in life is him.
And being the bitch you are, you'll never have him or anyone like him until you
drop you're bitchiness," she yelled, before slamming the door in Nini's face. She walked to her window and hot tears ran
down her face. Nini was jealous of her because she
had Christian. Well, she wasn't going to give in that easily. But the question
kept lingering in her mind. Would Christian really do that to
her? Would he disown her like that? She knew him better, though. It had
been a year since they had met. And she had learned more about him in that year
than she knew of anyone else. And knowing him, he wouldn't do that. Or at least
she thought he wouldn't.
She only had a month to leave. She spent days looking for a place to live. But,
yet again, like when she first came to
She was out on the rooftop that Christian had shown to her. It made her whole
body hurt thinking about breaking the news to him. She heard a noise behind her
and immediately knew it was him.
"Emma," he called out to her. She hadn't realized that she was crying
and turned around. She saw gentleness in his eyes and walked to him. "Why
are you crying? What has happened?" he asked. Deep inside, he had fear
through him. Was she in trouble? Was she sick? He prayed it wasn't for the
worse. She had held it all inside her and it finally came out. She bawled and
bawled and fell in his arms. She held him with an iron grip. He held her back.
"Christian, Zidler is selling the Moulin Rouge. I looked and looked for a
place to live, but there were none. Christian, I have to go back to
"Emma, you can live with me," he said to her gently. She looked up at
him with angry eyes.
"I knew you were going to say that. You don't understand do you" she
asked angrily. He looked at her quizzically. She pushed him away.
"Christian, I have broken more of my virtues and settings with you than
ever before. And living with you before without being married is the icing on
the cake. Even if my father didn't know, it would kill me to disobey him from
afar. I have let it go this far, but I don't think I can hold it up anymore. It
kills me to disobey him. Even if he was harsh," she said irritated. He
looked at her with bewilderment.
"I let one love go already in my lifetime and I can't let another go.
Emma, it will kill ME if you left. My heartbreak with Satine did enough damage.
Letting you go would be the icing on MY cake," he said back. She wiped the
tears from her face.
"Christian, there are just some things you have to let go in life,"
she said, her heart aching with every word. "I, I, I," she couldn't
finish the sentence. She broke down even more. She looked up at him and he was
standing before her.
"You just have to let me go. You have to make a choice and you chose me. I
can't believe this! I proclaim my love and share everything passionate with you
and put my heart on the line and you break it again!" he screamed. She was
crying harder now. "Have a nice life. It was great while it lasted,"
he said to her. He left her crying.
Inside, he was screaming. He could persuade her. He loved her with more than
his heart. But he let stupid emotions get to him. When he went to go apologize,
he saw that she wasn't there. He looked around and for the first time in almost
a year, he felt so alone that it caused him to cry.
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