What did u go through physiologically during the transport passage?

Although it has often been said that each & every day is a special & unique experience, I beg to offer a new perspective.

Our experiences are related to our surroundings & self, thus when the surroundings are familiar & we are, well, ourselves, what we actually feel & experience each day can be understood as detailed, specific scenarios of a steady-state system. This system consists of our external surroundings (in this case, the buses & the passengers) as well as our internal self (bodymind & spirit). There can be as many experiences as we want from these different probabilistic combinations of various external & internal circumstances.

However, this is an enclosed system. There are limits & boundaries to this system, hence the number of different combinations are finite - that is, every different experience is actually within the domain & confines of this system. Thus, by living & experiencing within this system, we are feeling what that is in store already abet in various forms.

With this, I like to elaborate on my feelings that are going through my body ever since I first boarded a bus decades ago.

Talk about your feelings?

These feelings are the aches & pains I felt, the subsequent awareness & relief before they resurface.

As in any analytical explanation, we need a reference point to start & from there, progress under the systematic logic.

A good starting point would be my aches & pains as follows:

• Stiffness in the neck, shoulders & knees
• Eye-strain & throat dryness
• Tightness & general discomfort of my stomach: it does not seem to calm down, in constant activity
• Breathlessness: difficulty of coughing, heaving & breath shallow
• Social pains: awareness & attraction towards others, & not absorbed into myself

These pains occur when I am least able to detect them, whether I overestimated my ability to handle them or I'm distracted by other worldly concerns. Nevertheless, these pains would always come back.

As these pains progress & deepen, I slowly become aware, from slight unnoticed discomfort to neglected pain to recognition to finally a need & urge to relieve myself lest troubles brew.

The awareness of these pains does not stop them, in fact, it makes me feel worse. It is like an unnoticed wound where you feel discomfort but unnoticed. However, when you realise it, you are attracted to it & feel its pain more intensely.

The recognition of these pains inevitably lead to "down's syndrome" & depression. It gives a dull veil over my feelings & hopelessness arises. The pains are there & keep recurring, but I'm not able to do anything about it - it's frustrating & impeding to fulfillment.

Hence, after the point of accelerating depression, a feeling of hope, courage & resilience starts - I begin seeking, experimenting & finding ways to cope & handle these pains - even to cure & prevent them. Now I constantly & conscientiously focus on these pains not to be distracted by them, but to find their weaknesses & control them accordingly.

The following are the living techniques that I have time & again discover, lost & rediscover over umpteenth pain-relieve cycles:

1. Sighing with sound: relieve breath & tension, just like sneezing & yawning - it's a compulsive reaction that is natural
2. Deep & rthymic breathing: the prerequisite towards a calm mind; at first, I try counting, but later it turns more organic & naturally unforced
3. Stability of my motion: the legs are not used for walking, they are used for stabilising our body & mind. I visualise & feel my legs, feet, knees & muscles - how they work & cooperate in stability & fight in unstability. The bus & any moving transport are perfect for training our legs & having fun at the same time. The bus move & stop, sometimes arbitrarily. This ensures that I focus sorely on my legs & the stability of my stand - in stable equilibrium. This firmness is the foundation to my temporary recovery.
4. Handling with firmness: through a feeling of concentration, where doubts perish in my path. Pains are pains because our hopelessness towards them, thus the way to handle them is through confident concentration & unwavering determination. All within the constraints of our nature.
5. Analysis: using & exhausting this ability to handle my pains in other areas of living
6. Exhaustion: the reserves that are built up during the recovery period are now spread thin over many aspects of living. The concentration towards the pains is proportionally reduced, due to increasing overestimation of my ability to handle them.
7. Persistence towards the expanding & exhausting use of this ability to more areas, while slowly but surely recognising that the loss of pain handling. The pains & aches are gradually slipping back into the body. My life is degrading once again.
8. The cycle repeats itself.

The process is at last realised recently during a bus rife home.

This process might be a sub-process of a mega-process, but it is good enough for an insight into my cyclic pains. This is similar to the seasonal changes & the feelings that animals are going through - the abundance of spring & the exhaustion of autumn.

As the system is enclosed, its supreme set of logical order is encapsulated within & the specific seeds of the beholder would blossom in accordance with the order of the systematic progression.