White Wolf Magazine was published for a span of 50 issues in the late 80s/early 90s (and would later flourish to become White Wolf of Vampire fame). Like all gaming magazines of the time, games of other companies were covered, too - even White Dwarf featured a review of BatteDroids!
White Wolf only featured BattleTech content in a couple of issues, most articles being scenarios. White Wolf #9 was the one exception. That issue featured an article with 5+1 'Mechs which were funny, interesting or useful (or should that be useless?!) and which each sported their own illustration. Too cool to resist posting it on this page, and quite "LosTech" by any standards of the typcial BattleTech fan.The introduction on the TRO page is from p. 41 of said magazine, the title really is The Useless Mechs.
Please note:
authors: editors/brothers Stewart and Stephan Wieck
illustrator: Richard Thomas
no further information about manufacturers, etc were given
all record sheets created with Heavy Metal programmes, all BV = BV 1
'Mechs:
Sprite: White Wolf #9, p. 46. Original speed 3/5/6 - one of two designs that completely ignored the cap for mounting jump jets. Unlike the Meteor, the Sprite could be fixed easily, a 4/6/4 speed being quite acceptable and true to its description. The extra .5 ton that was gained was invested in upgrading the SL to a ML. Location of jump jets were not specified.
Hawk: White Wolf #9, p. 44. 1 ton underweight, added 1 Heat Sink. I included two variants, both based on the description. The stat-block featured the designation HWK-3W, while the text referred to the HWK-4W. The text specifically mentions the HWK-4W as being the "shrieking" model, the large laser variant may well be a reversion to its original specification, hence the choice of HWK-3W for that version.
Weapon quirk: Sonic Cannon: It builds 5 points of heat and delivers 10 points of damage. Additionally, the weapon can cause an internal critical hit on a roll of 10 or more anytime it hits because of the vibrations it causes. If the weapon strikes the head of a mech, the pilot of that mech will suffer one wound as if his mech had fallen, again due to the sonic cannon's vibrational effect. [...] After about one year of use, the cannon becomes unreliable, firing only on a roll of 7 or more. Roll everytime the gun is fired. If it misfires, nothing happens. The condition is unrepairable and often gets worse through extended use ("8 or more" or "9 or more" on the roll). Cut from 2nd paragraph. Note that no range was specified at all. Given how stupendously powerful that weapon is - even with its quirk - I decided to enter it into HMPro with a minimal range.
Ballista: White Wolf #9, pp. 41-42. No editiorial corrections needed! This one worked as-is. Yes, the LRM-10 ammo is in the head and the arms only sport 2 points of armour! After all, this is a "Usless 'Mech", too.
Meteor: White Wolf #9, p. 45. Original speed 4/6/8 - see Sprite. I filled the extra space with heat sinks, as I did not actively want to change the 'Mech. Location of jump jets were not specified. Needed to move the MG ammo from CT to LT.
Jack in the Box: White Wolf #9, pp. 42-43. Needed to move AC2 ammo from RA to RT. In lieu of a conventioial ejection system, the Box carries the Jack light 'Mech/ejection system.The housing frame weighs 3.5 tons and occupies the CT critical slots. Both 'Mechs share the same head armour, engine and gyro.
Interpreted 'Mech quirk: to eject the Jack from the Box, the Box needs to be standing and the housing frame needs to be undamaged. As gyro and engine are shared, those items need to be in working order (no more than 1, respectively 2 critical hits) for the Jack to work. Gyro and engine damaged are hence marked on both sheets at the same time. In the turn in which the Jack ejects, the Box may do nothing other than remain standing, meaning that the Jack can eject using its jump movement in the movement phase. Any head armour remaining on the Box will transfer to the Jack, apart from which it will carry no armour (and hence suffer the consequences in hostile atmosphere/vacuum).
'Mech quirk: Note that the small laser cluster was designed so that all the lasers fired at once on the same target (roll to hit separately for each laser in the cluster however). Cut from 3rd paragraph.
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