Courtney: Whoa.

Leigh: I know. Not a single, freakishly large-eyed, furry critter in sight.

Victoria: Wait.. I'm getting an idea.

Courtney: I always wondered what that felt like.

Leigh: I shy away from even asking...

Victoria: That's okay, because I'm going to tell you anyway!

Courtney: Goody!

Leigh: Yes. Goody.

Victoria: Clearly, this candy is made for Japanese BOYS.

Leigh: ...What?

Courtney: They have those over there?!

Leigh: Uh, hello... What about your beloved Fruits Basket? You know, Yuki... Kyo?

Courtney: ...I thought they were girls!

Victoria: All talk of Fruits Basket aside, look at the array in front of us here. We have pink hamster strawberry pocky stuff, pink and yellow hamster caramels, pastel-coloured ice blocks with penguins, and a pink Hello Kitty tin. But Lotte Pepero Almond... Has none of these things.

Leigh: Well, it is pastel but... I'm going to refrain from finishing that sentence.

Courtney: Yeah. I have a pillow, and I'm not afraid to use it. Tee hee!

Leigh (slightly scared): Okay, Victoria, tell us more.

Victoria: Well, clearly this candy is not like the others. This candy is for MEN. Look at the pieces of almond jutting out on the sticks! It's like the pocky stick is flexing its muscles! It's saying EAT ME OR PREPARE TO LOSE YOUR HONOUR!

Courtney: Yeah, and then you clearly have the phallic shape of the sticks themselves. It's a "Lott-�" masculinity, my friends!

Leigh: ...But uh, the strawberry hamster sticks are the same shape.

Courtney: Are they, Leigh? Are they REALLY?

Leigh: Yes!

Victoria: Okay, we'll give you that technical detail, but you have to admit the packages in front of us lead to my conclusion.

Leigh: Though it pains me, I think you may be on to something there. And along those lines perhaps this, our final packet, is aimed at both genders.

Leigh: Well, for starters, 'Pepero' is clearly the biggest trademark ripoff this side of the equator.

Courtney: Isn't Japan on the other side of the equator?

Leigh: NOW who's naysaying?

Courtney: Me, baby. Me.

Leigh: Yes, anyway; I don't know why the good people of Pocky didn't trademark the colour red -

Victoria: Are you kidding me?

Leigh: About what?

Victoria: You can trademark colours now?

Leigh: Now and forever, my friend. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that our mind-numbingly boring Western brand of Cadbury has long since claimed the colour purple for its chocolate, ice cream and milk beverages.

Courtney: That's friggin' insane.

Leigh: Yes, but on the other hand, it protects us from the kind of tomfoolery Pepero is rejoicing in. I mean, compare the packaging of Pepero with this ravaged box of Pocky I just happened to find in the fridge:

Victoria: Pope Joan's Beard!

Leigh: Going back to my own theory, you'll notice the box is in a nice, sensible red with the so-called 'masculine' product displayed. There is little frippery -

Victoria (snorts): ...frippery...

Courtney: Oh yeah? What about THIS unholy little creature?

Victoria: Ah, I don't think you were.

Leigh: I was.

Courtney: It's okay, Leigh, there's no shame in being wrong.

Leigh: But I was -

Courtney: There, there. Just let it all out.

Victoria: Hey, wow, that's an excellent point Courtney. I'm actually surprised Leigh didn't spot it first.

Courtney: Yeah, it does suck to be Leigh.

Leigh:... will all pay...

Victoria: Anyway, I think it's safe to say that a winking yellow demon with chocolate for skin and disturbingly Pocky-like protruberance from its head is enough to keep all of us awake at nights.

Leigh: Tastes just like regular Pocky though.

Courtney: So you're saying it's like sweet, sweet Pocky - which rules all of our hearts with its sugary first of love - but at a fifth of the price?

Leigh: Well, yes.

Courtney: I think they're excused for their trademark ignorance then.

Leigh: A fifth of the price, a quarter of the amount. You decide.

Courtney: Can't decide, can't decide! Brain aneurysm!

Victoria: Why do you think she keeps quoting Tenacious D?

Leigh: I'm not really sure. It could be something to do with the fact that she�s not actually here and we�re writing all her dialogue for her.

Courtney: Tra la la, my name�s Courtney and I have a website all about THE HOFF!!!!ONE!

Victoria: So... Is that it? Are we done here with the candy?

Leigh: Yeah, I bet now you wish we'd bought the candy flavoured like various Japanese soft drinks.

Victoria: Not really. I was more reminiscing about the Korean peanuts with the cute little cartoon squid on the packet.

Leigh: That WAS intriguing.

Courtney: Well, I guess for me, it's about time to go and watch Fruits Basket. Kyo and Yuki are THIS CLOSE to making out - and it's even better now that I know they're dudes!

Leigh: Uh, Courtney, you've seen the entire series of Fruits Basket three times. We all know what happens, and it's safe to say there isn't any making out.

Victoria (snorts): Leigh, you're as right about that as you were about the un-gendered Pepero. And let's not forget you ENTIRELY over looking that creepy litttle dude on the packet.

Courtney: Oh, Snape!

Leigh: I was GOING to say that the creepy little dude balances out the -

Courtney: Well, I'm going home now, see you guys later!

Victoria: Bye Courtney! Leigh, get out of my room.


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