Victoria (laughing merrily): Oh-ho, you are SO right, Leigh.
Courtney: Sup fags.
Leigh: Indeed.
Victoria: So all you folks at home can be pleased that we are about to take you on a magical journey, through the many squiggley-symboled, cute-animal-covered brands of Japanese delights.
Leigh: Where shall we begin?
Victoria: Let's start with this happy little fellow here.
Leigh: Good choice. We all love hamsters. Especially for breakfast purposes. I don't know about you, but I didn't know there were such a wide variety of hamster candies out there.
Victoria: I was both delighted and dismayed to see it was so, Leigh. Courtney, your thoughts?
Courtney: It's in my eye.
Leigh: It sure is! And the benefits of this candy is that not only does it have no English label, but the graphics on the yellow box promise to contain some kind of cylindrical device. My hypothesis is an eraser.
Victoria: Whoa whoa whoa! Hold the phone, Leigh. Let's not jump ahead of ourselves. For all we know, this could be a completely new Japanese invention, superior to any of our Western hamster-brand products.
Leigh: You're quite right. Some things man was not meant to know.
Victoria: I suggest that you be the first to taste this hamster product.
Leigh: Hell no. Courtney?
Courtney: Certainly.
Victoria: What you at home cannot see is that the lower hamster box contains six small, rectangular -
Leigh: I would say square.
Victoria: Of course YOU would.
Courtney: Shazam!
Leigh: Stop making the 'square gesture' at me.
Victoria: Would you prefer THIS gesture?
Leigh: ...No. Square is fine.
Victoria: AS I was saying, five small rectangular candies... Five?
Courtney: The square candy got in my mouth. And then I ate it. Can I have another one?
Victoria: What did it taste like?
Courtney: I don't know Victoria... Have you ever tasted death? Because if not, I don't know how else to explain it.
Leigh: Oh, give me those. ... Rather bland. Caramel toffee. A plastic texture on the tongue.
Courtney: Oh, so now you're an expert.
Victoria: Girls, girls! Please! Put down those pillows, let's move on to the next item on the agenda!
Courtney: You never let me have any fun.
Leigh: I think we should move onto the hamsters.
Victoria: Hamsters? We just did the hamsters, geez. You have a memory like a goldfish. A stupid one.
Leigh: No, the OTHER hamsters.
Courtney: You know, it's my suspicion that all Japanese candy has hamsters on it.
Victoria: ...Good point. I second that.
Leigh: That's a damnable lie.
Courtney: Is it? Is it REALLY?
Leigh: Yes.
Victoria: I see. And did you read that in a BOOK? Did you, BOOKWORM?!
Leigh: No. The packets are right in front of us.
Courtney: Geez Louise, Leigh, some of us don't have the time to look at EVERY SINGLE BOX before we eat its contents. Some of us have LIVES.
Victoria: Boo ya!
Leigh: That was hardly high five moment. Moving along to our delicious hamsters...
Courtney: I think I speak for us all when I say, this box scares me.
Leigh: Their eyes... The gleaming...
Victoria: Suck it up, guys. Of course they gleam. Everyone knows the achilles heel of the teenage asian girl is a gleaming hamster... Or anything that gleams, for that matter. It's just a marketing ploy. In fact, it's NOT just a marketing ploy. It's a scientific fact. It's GENETICS.
Leigh: ...Right.
Courtney: Um, I think Victoria would know. She took BIOLOGY.
Leigh: So did I, for a year longer than her!
Courtney: Do you always have to be so pedantic?
Victoria: Once again, you two are losing sight of what's really important here: hamster candy.
Leigh: These pink candy sticks are most Pocky-like in appearance... And yet, yoghurt-like in taste.
Victoria: I concur. The kind of yoghurt on muesli bars, n'est pas?
Courtney: Oh, pas.
Leigh: Next candy! Now, you'd better stand back guys, and whoa, hold on to your Sailor Scout hats, because I have a scary observation to make. Obviously, the hamsters are linked by virtue of their hamsteritude. But the next candy -
Victoria: Mmm. Taste good.
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