INTER-CASTE MARRIAGE

by Jeneeya Suwal

A caste system has existed in Nepal for a long time.  People are categorized by caste like they are by race in the United States. Marriage within the caste is normal, but if there is a marriage between castes then it is a big issue.  The parents arrange almost all the marriages.  A girl and a boy cannot make a choice not to marry a person selected by the parents.  Especially, girls are to marry the person the parent’s have selected.  Rejecting the person selected by the parents is rude and not acceptable. 

Love marriages have existed in the society for a long period, but the family does not easily accept them.   If a couple is from the same caste then it is easier to get acceptance; the parents even consent to arrange their marriage.  This type of marriage is called a love-arranged marriage.  However, the parents and the society will not accept the marriage if a couple is from a different caste.  The relationship between a girl and a boy is broken before it turns into marriage and even if the marriage takes place it is broken by forcing a girl to leave the boy or a boy to leave the girl.  Lots of emotional blackmailing takes place to break up the relationship. If the marriage takes place between different cast people, they have to struggle all their life to recognize their marriage.  In many cases both of the girl and the boy commit suicide, thinking: “If we can’t live together lets die together.” 

Here is an interesting story about an inter-caste marriage. 

A girl (Maya) and a boy (Prem) studied together in the same college.  Prem loved Maya but couldn’t tell her.  Prem told his friend (Ram) about the situation and told him that he thought she also loved him.  One day these three people gathered together in a coffee shop, at the very moment Ram told Maya that Prem loved her and wanted her to accept his love.  Ram said, “This man loves you with all his heart so he wants you to accept his love and be his. He is here and so are you.  You talk to each other and take care of the situation.”  Ram left them alone.  Maya accepted Prem’s proposal. 

The main problem was that these two were from different castes.  Maya was from a strict Newar family.   In Nepal, there are four categories of caste; Newar falls in the third category of the caste system. Newar community is very conservative community. They do not allow their daughters and sons to marry a person from a different caste.  So Maya’s family wouldn’t allow their daughter to marry a Kshetry man. Kshetry falls in the second category.  Technically Kshetry is higher caste than Newar according to the caste hierarchy. However, the Newars do not agree that they fall in the third category because they have their own division within the Newars.   There is no problem with the boy’s family because the boy could pressure the family to accept a girl from different caste. 

Maya’s parents found out about their relationship and had forbidden her from meeting Prem.  However, these new generation kids would do whatever they want.  Therefore, they eloped and married in a temple.  However, the greatest mistake they made was to go to their parents home separately rather than living together.

Maya’s parent, unaware of their daughter’s marriage with a Kshetry man, now found a groom from their own caste to marry their daughter.  Maya rejected to get married but her mother told her that if she did not get married with the man they had selected and went to Prem, the mother would kill herself (one example of emotional blackmailing).  Maya obeyed her mother and got married to the man her parents chose.  On the other side Prem’s heart broke. He cursed Maya for getting married to another person.  Nevertheless, he understood that Maya did not have any other choice. What would she have done? She did not want to be the reason for her mother’s death.

Maya could not have a good relationship with her new husband.  Her heart and soul were just for the man she loved.  She could not live with her husband so one day she decided to kill herself.  She took 100 tables of sleeping pills and went to sleep (no body knew where she got that many pills).  However, she did not die; she opened her eyes in the hospital.  Prem was with her in the hospital. Maya told him that she did not want to go back to her husband.  Prem who loved her so much and could not forget her, easily accepted her and took her with him to the city and they lived together afterwards. 

Now the parents could do nothing.  If they pressure the girl to go back to her husband, they are scared that she may try to kill herself again. If the parent’s had accepted their relationship earlier, this situation never would have come. 

Now this couple is living happily together.  Maya is happier than ever to be with the love of her life.  However, the family will not accept them easily.  It will take them time to get acceptance.  Once they have a child then everything will be fine.  Nowadays they share their happiness with their friend Ram who is now in the United States and his fiancée (me).

            The significance of this story is that both the name Maya and Prem resembles love in the Nepali language.  Therefore, I gave these names to them in respect of the successful love story that their love will never end and they would win the hearts of their family with love. ***