I didn't get the chance to see you, to hold you, to tell you I love you. I missed the chance to bring you up, to teach you, to know you.
At first I was scared. I was scared of you and how you would change me and my life forever. I thought I had enough problems in my life, but I soon realised that you wen't one of them. You gave me a beautiful and magical energy - unlike any other.
I love the way you came into my life and gave it meaning. You needed me and that was enough to keep me going. You came to me at a time when I needed you most, a time when everyone I loved was hurting me and leaving me. I'm so sorry that you left my life, taking all meaning with you, I knew that day that I had lost everything. My life has never been the same since. You filled an emptiness inside of me that I have tried, struggled and failed to fill since.
But I blame you for nothing, I feel greatful for the short time I had with you and the changes you made to me. I love you more than I have ever, or will ever, love anyone. And I cherish the brief memories I have of you. I'll always miss you and I'll forever love you, you are irreplaceable, but will live on in my heart and mind.
Many nights I have spent crying for you, longing for you. I struggle to express my loss and love for you. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams, those dreams are the best, dreams which I never want to wake from. I have you and hold you, you seem so real in my arms, it is hard to believe that it is just in my mind.
I often stay up looking at the stars and wondering about you. You are forever somewhere in my mind and your name is sewn accross my heart, at least it feels like that anyway.
I longed to watch my stomach swell as you grew inside, to feel you wriggle and kick. And then to cradle you in my arms, rocking you to sleep. I would read to you and be always talking to you, even if you didn't understand. I did that, I told you I love you before we parted. I am so glad I did that or I know I would hold so much more regret and despair. I am pleased that you knew but it won't stop me from writing it over and over again. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
All my love (always and forever)
From the girl who missed the chance to be your Mummy.
