Early in their relationship Pat wrote extensively on his love for Jutta in his diary. The following is an excerpt from some of his entries. From what I gather from his diary Pat told Jutta that he loved her, but for some reason she did not believe him. This is what he wrote and I don’t know if he said it to her at that time or not:

"Do you believe me today? Oh, if I could only make you believe, because if you do not, then not only do you not believe in what I say, but you do not believe in me as well. That makes me feel so sad more than you may ever understand. I know that it may be hard to think that I care that much, but what does your heart tell you? Tell me what to do to convince you. If I tenderly held your hand and quietly kissed it would you believe? If I held you tight and whispered into your ear would you believe? If I yelled so loud that everyone could hear would you believe me? Let me just say that if the two of us were separated on this very day at this very moment and never to see each other again, there would be three things that I want you to remember about me and they are how much I truly love you, that you can believe in me and what I’ve written is for you alone. I sincerely hope with all my heart that we are never separated just as I hope with all my heart you will believe. To you My Love this is what I write:

I KNOW WHY

I suddenly awoke in the middle of the night.

I know not why.

I took a long deep breath as the sleep left me.

I sensed your perfume and I thought I was dreaming.

I rolled to my side and you were there.

Facing me.

I know not why.

I dare not move for fear of awakening you.

Your beauty and innocence glowed even in the dark of night.

Your hair fell softly across your eye.

I was compelled to gently reach out and move it back.

I know not why.

My hand soon caressed

Your face and you sleepily smiled.

The touch told me you were really there.

Oh the joy to touch you

Oh the joy to be near you

Oh I know not why

I breathed deep again and your perfume intoxicated me.

I became drunk with desire and aroused by your closeness.

Oh to be here beside me

Oh to see your smile

Oh the pride just to be seen with you

Oh if I could only tell you how.

I know not why.

I gently reached over and kissed you on the lips.

You tenderly kissed me in return.

You came closer.

I could feel the warmth of your body next to mine.

You put your arm around me and lay your head on my chest.

I know not why.

I ran my fingers through your hair.

You reached up and passionately kissed me again and again.

We became intertwined as one.

I held you tight and you held me never letting go.

I know not why.

We fell asleep in each other's arms.

When I awoke you were gone.

Was it a dream or just a desire?

I was sad and broken that you were gone.

I know why."

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4th Installment

"My Love,

I’m back to work and I miss you so much. I have never thought of being a millionaire maybe I’ve worked so much in my life that I never gave it any thought, but on this day I wish I was at least wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with you. "At home" now that is a relative term. When I’m with you that is how I feel – at home. Just think of how much I must love you to be able to say that. More than I am able to describe. When I say I love you the words just flow so freely off my tongue, as if this was the right thing to say. As if you and I were meant to be and I pray to God that I am right. I wrote the following for you:

If I

As I sit here and close my eyes

The pain from the previous day fades

As all I see is the gentle smile on your face

Your head placed delicately on my lap

As you sleep in the comfort of being near me

As I lean against a tree in a field of wild flowers

There is just you and I

I hear the birds sing

The wind blows gently against the trees and grass

The sky is clear and the air is crisp and pure

I softly and delicately brush your hair aside

Careful not to wake you

I study your face as to never forget

The beauty, intimacy and feeling of this moment

And if I say to you while you sleep

I Love You

Would you hear my words

Would you believe me

Or just continue to sleep

And if I say how much

Would you understand

Would you measure the amount

Or continue to have your doubts

And if I say for how long

Would you stay with me that long

So that I could prove myself to be true

Or would you move on

And as I sit here alone thinking of only you and I together

I say I Love You

More than you can believe, measure and time"

---

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