And this concluding chapter in the epic saga shall continue once the author comes onto his next sugar high...
The author has discovered that Cappuccino will not serve as a substitute for a sugar high...
"WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Ken as he rode down the hill with Kyle beside him.
A perfect introduction!
"Master, I think we're going a bit too fast down this treachorous hill!" yelled Kyle, clasping tightly to the mustang's mane.
"Can't you learn to live a little?" Ken shouted back, not taking his eyes off the path ahead of them.
Kyle considered this for awhile. Shortly after he had made up his mind about the whole affair, he stated: "You're right! Let's go faster!"
It was so that Ken gave the horse a good kick in the side, sending them hurtling forward ever faster, until unexpectedly, the steed caught one of its hooves on a rock. The two Things were thrown violently from the tumbling horse, so startled and caught off-guard that their minute brains could not have the time to process enough thought for them to scream unneccessarily strong obscenities.
"Son of a bitch!" shrieked Ken as his foot slammed against an improbable rock.
Still tumbling ever downward, the two Things worried for their lives as the Mustang, as sleek and '75 as it was, came rolling down the hill at a threatening pace. Unfortunately, the horse was able to regain control of itself, and trotted promptly away from the situation and back up the hill, leaving the two Things to fall to their deaths.
As Ken reached the foot of the hill, he checked for any injuries. After concluding that his head hurt a lot, Kyle rolled right into him, knocking him over.
"This is exactly like the friggin nursery rhyme," mumbled Ken as he got slowly to his feet, shoving Kyle into a boulder.
"Master Ken," answered Kyle, "I daresay your comparison is most unfitting for the current situation."
"How?" spat Ken.
"Well, uh... yeah, well, I'm a guy, and as it goes, Jack falls down and-"
"Oh, you're girl enough. Shut up about gender confusions and let's go."
Kyle, though deeply offended, did as he was told. The two Things traveled onward towards the McBurgerKing, where a small festival was under way. As they approached the entrance, a dancer skipped over to them, blocking the doors.
"You don't want to go in there," she said coolly.
Ken, too mezmerized to actually comprehend what she said, just stood and stared at her. Kyle, on the other hand, was quick to respond.
"Hey baby, you're right! Let's go!" he replied.
At this, Ken became confused beyond understanding. Too much was going on for him to take in, so he started to cry. The dancer turned her attention back to him and put her hand on his shoulder to console him.
"What's wrong?" she asked innocently.
Ken, barely audible for his stuttering sobs, replied slowly. "I... I... don't know!" he wept. "I can't take this! I was just... riding to this place, and... then I try to go in and.... some festival girl comes over and stops me.... and Kyle talks to her like a boyfriend.... and.... get the hell away from me because this is gonna take a lot of beers!" At that, Ken shook her off and ordered a pint from the Jamaican bartender a few tents away.
The dancer looked after him for a few moments, and then turned back to Kyle, who had put his arm around her during the event. "You know," said he, "Ken would be really jealous right now, if he was in a normal state of mind." The dancer moved away, shaking Kyle's arm off.
"You're too small!" she screamed, frightened out of her senses. She then sprinted back to the dance, where she performed a number of impressive spins.
Kyle stood rigid and dumbfounded. Her words cut through him like nails through an electric tissue. As he realized what had just happened, he walked slowly over to the bartender and got some alcohol. After he had accomplished this, he sat down next to Ken, where they drank in solemn depression.
"Hey mon, don't give up like little Furbies without no batteries guys!"
Ken and Kyle turned to see the bartender dancing to a funk tune towards them. "I gots a little present for ya!" said the bartender, tossing each of them a box wrapped in the finest wrapping paper in the kingdom, with just the cutest little bows on top. Both Things caught their respective boxes and opened them with the utmost eagerness. Inside each box was a brand new minicar!
"No fed to Poopoo for you, eh, mon!" laughed the bartender as he skated back to his tent.
For a few moments, Ken and Kyle just looked at eachother. Then, Ken said slowly to his companion, "Dammit, I forgot what our mission was."
Kyle thought for awhile. "I think it was to get some guy's fries back," said he.
"No," contradicted Ken, "wasn't it to get our minicar back?"
"Oh yeah, that was it, wasn't it...."
"No, wait, I think you were right. We didn't lose our minicar."
"Oh, we didn't?"
Ken looked up, as if looking for answers. "No, I don't think we did."
Kyle was disappointed by now. "So... we're trying to get fries back. Right?"
"I guess so."
"Yeah."
Ken waited a moment before saying "Ah, dammit! I don't even know who wanted the frickin fries!"
Kyle looked at him as a revelation entered his brain that could have possibly changed their situation, and lives, forever.
End of Book One*
*May not qualify to be called a book. Actual length is approximately one page.