You Must Be An Iowan If.... You have never met any celebrities. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. You know a brat is something you eat. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. Someone in a store offers you assistance...and they do not work there. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Advertureland. You have seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. You measure distance in minutes. Down south to you means Missouri. East to you means Illinois. You know several people who have hit a deer. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines". You know someone who has an air conditioned hog house but their home is not air conditioned. When told a joke, you laugh at the punch line "udder college" and know what it means. You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?". Your school classes were cancelled because of cold weather. Your school classes were cancelled because of hot weather. You know where all the Yoders live. You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are. You have ridden the school bus for an hour each way. You have switched from "heat" to"A/C" in the same day. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better". You know what is knee-high by the Fourth of July. Stores do not have bags, they sacks. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where is my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with." All the festival across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable. You can locate Iowa on the United States map. Detassling was your first job. You get tired saying, "No, our major crop is not potatoes". You have been on a "Geode Hunt". Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice. You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner. You learn your pickup will run without a muffler. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different." Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up. You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor. People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them. You carry jumper cables in your car. You drink "pop" not "soda". You know what the numbers I-80, 280, 35, and 380 mean. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You design your children's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. You think deer season is a national holiday. You find minus 20 degress F "a little chilly". There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 of more. Sign Guestbook View Guestbook Home Page Previous Page Next Page Overview Page © 2000 [email protected]
You Must Be An Iowan If....
You have never met any celebrities. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. You know a brat is something you eat. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. Someone in a store offers you assistance...and they do not work there. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Advertureland. You have seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. You measure distance in minutes. Down south to you means Missouri. East to you means Illinois. You know several people who have hit a deer. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines". You know someone who has an air conditioned hog house but their home is not air conditioned. When told a joke, you laugh at the punch line "udder college" and know what it means. You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?". Your school classes were cancelled because of cold weather. Your school classes were cancelled because of hot weather. You know where all the Yoders live. You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are. You have ridden the school bus for an hour each way. You have switched from "heat" to"A/C" in the same day. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better". You know what is knee-high by the Fourth of July. Stores do not have bags, they sacks. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where is my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with." All the festival across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable. You can locate Iowa on the United States map. Detassling was your first job. You get tired saying, "No, our major crop is not potatoes". You have been on a "Geode Hunt". Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice. You say catty wampes instead of kitty-corner. You learn your pickup will run without a muffler. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different." Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up. You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor. People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them. You carry jumper cables in your car. You drink "pop" not "soda". You know what the numbers I-80, 280, 35, and 380 mean. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. You design your children's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. You think deer season is a national holiday. You find minus 20 degress F "a little chilly". There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 of more.
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© 2000 [email protected]