Sunday, November 28, 2004
I LOVE Music, I listen to it most of the time, when I'm happy and when I'm not, for me it runs along in the background of my life, like a theme tune, I love music that tells a story, something I can connect to. At the moment I'm listening to Keane - Hopes and Fears Album they're a really great British band and I highly recomend them. Their song "We might as well be strangers" sums up me and Paul perfectly because that's just what we are to each other, strangers. We both had our Birthday's last week mine 20th Nov, his 24th. I had texted him extending the hand of friendship...but heard nothing from him, so I guess that's it.
I'm trying to move on, it's so difficult but I am trying. :0)
We Might As Well Be Strangers
I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well, we might as well, we might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well, we might as well, we might as well
Be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
posted by
8:29 AM
I LOVE Music, I listen to it most of the time, when I'm happy and when I'm not, for me it runs along in the background of my life, like a theme tune, I love music that tells a story, something I can connect to. At the moment I'm listening to Keane - Hopes and Fears Album they're a really great British band and I highly recomend them. Their song "We might as well be strangers" sums up me and Paul perfectly because that's just what we are to each other, strangers. We both had our Birthday's last week mine 20th Nov, his 24th. I had texted him extending the hand of friendship...but heard nothing from him, so I guess that's it.
I'm trying to move on, it's so difficult but I am trying. :0)
We Might As Well Be Strangers
I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well, we might as well, we might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well, we might as well, we might as well
Be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
posted by
8:29 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Between you me and the Gatepost, I'm down, really down. My Birthday is coming up on Saturday and it's an important one, one that I wanted to celebrate with my husband, his is 4 days after mine and we could have celebrated together BIG time. It won't happen... but it doesn't stop me wanting it and it doesn't stop the pain I feel because it won't. I held out the hand of friendship to him today and sent him a Text Message asking if we could at least be friends.
My Dad passed away 2 years ago today too :0(
Last night I was driving home from the shops and I felt so sad I couldn't think straight, part of me just wanted to drive into a Tree and stop the pain I feel. But I have Wesley, he needs me. So I just cried and came home to him and his dear little face. He depends on me and I love my little boy.
I found this today on Healthyplace.com and it is exactly how I feel
Cant stop the pain
Cant think clearly
Cant make decisions
Cant see any way out
Cant sleep, eat or work
Cant get out of depression
Cant make the sadness go away
Cant see a future without pain
Cant see themselves as worthwhile
Cant get someones attention
Cant seem to get control
Listening to Blue - Breath Easy.
posted by 7:46 AM
Friday, October 08, 2004
Every Romantic Film I watch just reminds me I've lost the one I love. Every love song on the Radio just reminds me of happier times with him. Everywhere I go couple holding hands...like we used to do.
All these memories in my head, all these regrets, how do I reach a place where they don't hurt anymore?
I took some photo's tonight, playing around with my Mobile Phone, they turned out ok I think, except there's a sadness I can see...in my eyes that wasn't there before, and that's not nice.
How do I make my eyes smile again with happiness, I really don't know and that's the scariest thing because if you are locked in but can see a way out you have some hope...that things can change, things can get better. I can't see a way out, I'm looking and searching but it's not there or anywhere, and then that makes me panic. Without hope what is there?
Then I look at my little Wesley sleeping, dreaming and barking in his sleep and I thank God for him. :0)
*hugs*
posted by 5:19 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
It's coming up to our Wedding Anniversary - 18th August.
This will be our 14th !!
I thought I'd tell you a bit about that day because it was truly a Beautiful Wedding and I was fortunate to have my Dad still alive and fit to give me away which I will always be thankful for.
Our Wedding Day was a Saturday, it started off in a bit showery in the morning but by lunch time it was sunny and dry. The Wedding was at 2.00pm in the Pretty little Saxon Church in the Village where I'd grown up.
I arrived with my Dad at the Church in a Blue "olde worlde" car, we only lived around the corner but it was so special to ride in this car and Dad loved it!!
Paul stood there waiting for me, smiling and I knew this was where I was supposed to be :0)
The service was lovely, we didn't have hundreds of guests there, just family and close friends but it felt right. I had 2 Bridesmaids, and a Page - my neice and grand neice, and Pauls nephew. The girls were dressed in Lemon and Pink. The little one Laura wore little Ballet slippers and carried a wooden ring decorated with flowers. They both had garlands of Pink and Yellow flowers on their heads. The Page wore a Dark Grey suit with a lemon cravat like the Groom.
After the service and Photo's we were driven to our Reception, which was also decorated in Pink and Lemon. We ate Roast Chicken and drank Champagne...and all was right with the world :0)
We danced to "We've only just begun" by the Carpenters and it really was the Happiest day of my life!
We spent our first night there in the Hotel, slept in a Four Poster Bed and left for our Honeymoon on the Isle of White the next morning.
posted by 9:57 AM
Monday, August 02, 2004
I'm scared,
I'm scared that I'll never get over this,
scared that I've lost the only person I'll ever love so much that it hurts, the only person besides my Mum and Sister that I'll ever feel really close to, really comfortable with.
Somehow I've let him go, he slipped through my fingers and I didn't know what to do or say to stop it happening. I thought he'd see sense, realise what we had and come back, but he's not going to......he'll never come back to me, back to us and I have to face up to that. Even if I went and found him, found where he and "she" live confronted him, spoke to him, he wouldn't change his mind, he wouldn't come back and I don't know how to deal with that fact.
I dreamt about him again last night, I was crying out for him, but he couldn't hear me and so I phoned him, but the number was dead and I didn't know what to do.
What do I do, if I can't get hold of him anymore? I haven't spoken or Texted him since the house sale, but the number's in my phone and sometimes I feel the need to hear him.
Some days are easier, but I don't think one goes by that I'm not reminded of him or I don't think of him. He was everything to me, my soulmate, my other half that made me whole.
I will never get over this, never feel complete again, because I will always love him and long for him......and it hurts.
posted by 9:52 AM
Friday, July 30, 2004
posted by 8:52 PM
Thursday, July 22, 2004
The start of me putting my feelings down in writing,
it makes me nervous for some reason, I got used to being open in my OCD Diary
and found it relatively easy, but this feels different somehow, maybe because I was so trusting with my thoughts before, and then found that "he" had been reading them. Maybe It will be hard to trust again.
"Trust" is a small word but it has HUGE meaning and repercussions. I put ALL my trust into someone once, was reliant and dependant on that person, I needed to believe that what they said was true not just in a personal context but also because my illness depended on it. If some things were a lie, then everything was a lie. I desperately needed to feel my "Trust" in that person was justified and that he wouldn't let me down. Boy did I misjudge that!!
posted by 6:00 PM
Hi and welcome to my space!
posted by 4:47 PM
