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June 1: Hope frantically that this is a holiday of some sort!
June 9: Return of my boy Jim from a year's absence, allegedly learning!
June 16: Take a break from convincing myself that I am getting educated!

INTELLIGENCE is not as common as you think!
Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DAYS...
A KUMI KIMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

My existence is normally busy but the last week has been busier than most. There was a time I had to timetable things like brushing one's teeth and taking a bath. So busy that the matter of attending to a website took a very distant back burner position which is why last week's edition was conspicuous by its absence. But for those who wondered where I was let me reassure you that I am still alive!

I am not too sure what transpired with my mail account but when I opened it on Saturday it informed me with pride that I had no unread mail. Wondering why I pressed the button neatly labeled inbox and took in an involuntary whoosh of breath as I was told that I had 0 messages. ZERO! This has caused me quite some concern because when I last checked my mail on Thursday there were some dozens. What transpired I cannot really say but I shall be writing a series of scathing mails to Go.com. But then again some idler may have come across my open mailbox while I was attending to affairs of state like shelling peas, sharpening my penknife and grooming the dog. Point is -- if you wrote to me between Thursday and Saturday I have not read your mail so do not be annoyed if I don't reply to the mail you sent that I never got.

The challenge to spend an hour in a Kanzu and akala, so thoughtfully extended to me by my dear friend Cynthia I took up with enthusiasm. I did obtain a pair of very fine Firestone™ Akala and a very lovely flowing Kanzu that I draped on my person and then made my way about my usual business. On the whole it wasn't a bad experience. Someone gave me a seat in a matatu. I was greeted in English, Kiswahili and Arabic by people I have never met in my life.

For those of us who are ill informed, some weeks ago a gentleman surprised Kenyans by jumping onto one George Saitoti's car. Which was nothing compared to the surprise of the professor himself and his entourage. His entourage arrived at the conclusion that there comes a time when the needs of the VP carry the day over those of any passing madman and proceeded to beat the living daylights out of that gent. And at this point in time let me note that the alleged madman gave as good as he got The sight of a policeman writhing on the road after a kick to his nether regions and that of the rear window of their police car shorn from its usual moorings and lying on the road after the attentions of that gentleman's feet should be immortalized as Kodak moments. However, I am not the least bit surprised to hear that gent has met his untimely demise at the hands of the boys in blue.

Arrived at The Castle on Friday evening to find my brethren congregated around my TV. I glanced at the screen and immediately recognized our old friend Robin Hood, who was busily engaged beating the crap out of a Japanese Samurai. How the Samurai got to the shores of England may be explained but it would be harder for us to know why he spoke English, spoke it well, and spoke it with a decidedly New Yorkish accent. Anyway, Robin's rough fisticuffs style of battle put shame to thousands of years of Samurai discipline, Karate, Judo and swordfigting. I smiled sardonically at this, and the groans of my siblings reinforced my opinion that this has got to be the silliest thing to pollute our already crowded airwaves. I departed. But some minutes later howls of outrage got me rushing back to see which of my siblings was being attacked by a pack of wolves. I arrived in time to identify the source of the dismay.

The Samurai's beloved somehow had climbed a tree, despite her complete Samurai maiden's garb
She was at the moment falling feet first from the top of the very tall tree.
Our good friend Robin had just tossed a 'mystical' sword at the Samurai Maiden in distress
With remarkable aim, Robin got the sword to go straight towards the Maiden's feet. Do not that this is Sherwood Forest.
With even more remarkable aim the Samurai maiden neatly stepped onto the now falling sword
With much flashing light the sword, like a well behaved elevator, lowered her neatly to the ground, unharmed and unconcerned.

It took some very quick action to save my TV from the ire of outraged and indignant youngsters who actually felt cheated that such programming was on the air.

Outraged spirits were calmed down when I tactfully produced the Spiderman that they had been pining for all month and as our young Peter Parker ran after his school bus I wondered how long it would take before Spiderman's good name was rubbished by half-baked TV producers making quarter baked TV shows.

BTW, is it just me or is that gentleman not the sharpest tool in the box? Whether you like it or not, alitupa mbao!

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I have a constitutional right to give My own shout-outs to whoever I please!

Yvonne & Pinky: Your mail seems to be forever gone. Any chance you save your sent messages?
Judy: Saturday?
Pato: Rumours have it that despite your graduating some time back you are still a regular and familiar sight at Box!
Dennis: You owe me a very sumptuous lunch, of my choice. End Month is no longer a valid excuse.
Njeri: Keep your chin up will ya? Things ALWAYS work out!
Yvonne: I gave up the cryptic crossword because it was too cryptic. Rephrase!
The dude who said I am a KANU supporter: Sir, you cannot be more in error. In my vocabulary jackass and politician are interchangeable words.
Gathoni: Not too sure if that was a compliment!
Mumbi: Ball's in your court!
Pinky: To say that I am flattered would be an understatement!
Hillary: The next time God is doing his creation bit wait until the brains are given out before you split, OK?
Wanja: Where on earth have you gotten to then?