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Boy: Do you know who my father is?
Traffic Cop: I donno... You'd better ask your mother.

Another POEM for Another!
INTELLIGENCE is not as common as you think!
Fun and games at a UNIVERSITY RIOT!
There are SOME DAYS...
A KUMI KIMI Guide for the novices. A MUST read!
A POEM for someone special!
DEAREST JOHN: John Doe's better half replies with energy to issues raised by her worse half!
DEAREST JANE: A man addresses issues such as crossing rivers for his beloved...
FAVOURITE MOVIES Some notable personalities share their favourite flicks
PRESS RELEASE FROM THE AFGHANISTANI BROADCASTING CORPORATION The proprietor of Afghanistan's first TV studio shares his visions
DEDICATIONS: Music is the language of the heart -- touching messages to loved and not so loved ones

For starters many apologies about the last issue -- I forgot to change the dates on the new issue so do make sure that the Thursday 2 May (Issue 31) you got was not Monday 29 April (Issue 30)

Moving on to bigger and better things -- first of all due to some unavoidable circumstances my plans of making a very noisy persence at Mss Tourism Nairobi were scuttled by a number of factors that I cannot go into here because the secrets are not mine to reveal! Suffice it to say that they were quite unavoidable circumstances. Ah well, at least we still have quite a bit to look forward to!

I shall now deal with some of the more interesting correspondence that I have obtained, and I am in such a good mood that I will indulge even those who wanted a mention ;-) No no, it's no problem, there is no need to thank me!

Some individuals going under the names of Olduvai Gorge, Suzzette and KenyaOnline used to sent me some rather colourful photographs and links to sites that can jolly well make you blind. I was annoyed, incenced, and mad which is nothing compared to Heno, a buddy of mine who went on to subscribe these characters to as many mailing lists as he could find. The problem went away very soon after ;-)

Aida has got to be the most regular correspondent and usually has very interesting anecdotes that I am not ashamed to say I find intriguing.

Laura's correspondence is simply hilarious. Some of her office tales should be immortalized on film. I shall endeavour to seek permission to reproduce one or two of them.

Zainab had some preposition to make that required me to take her to a Justice of the Peace, say "I do" and live happily ever after with her. This preposition, I fear, I have to reject for a variety of reasons, chiefly due to the fact that I know no one by that name and anyone who proposes through e-mail needs a date with a brain surgeon -- to replace a missing brain.

Mumbi's correspondence culminated with very asute quotes and the odd poem peppered it.... hmm..

Betty wanted me to move to Mombasa so that I could be near her. Again this proposition I have to reject for an impressive number of reasons However her reasoning that every man needs to be close to a beach and close to a b##ch was logic I have yet to come across. Scary stuff this!

Z. wanted to know if I own a teddy bear. To this I answer a resounding HELL YEAH!

Beth sent me a very large tin of very exquisite tin of chocolates. I have a sweet tooth and made very short work of them and was touched and impressed by such a gesture! Hats off to ye!

Ciku wished to know how tall I was. Well, the last time I measured was some 4 years back and I was 6 feet then so I reckon I am 6' 4" at the most.

Kamami used to amuse me with tales of her life which I suggest the produces of soap operas should look at so as to get ideas.

Renee, who I am convinced her real name is Mwikali and was born and bred at Banana Hills took exception to the Kianda Syndrome issue. She assured me that ALL MEN, without exception are after one and only thing from women, and it was not cooking either. This view was also shared by Jane, I.L, Lucy, V and Ciku. To all these and those of their ilk my sympathies are entirely with you and the unfortunate gentlemen who will endeavour to ask you for the time and other such niceties without being branded as hormone driven, beer swigging monstrosities only useful for changing tyres! My views on the issue remain unchanged -- if you are a maiden and you believe that all gentlemen have one and only one agenda -- to exchange phone numbers and then immediately genes, POLE! Myopic is not the word for you!

Francis, another Ciku, Carol, Ivy, Neema, M, KK, Anissa, Jack, Omosh, and Kip were entirely on my side, and hats off to you all. Kip in particular was very passionate on the issue but I cannot reproduce what he said here cheifly due to the impressive but inapproriate vocabulary he used. Cynthia in particular said "...some of you are crooks but on the other hand some of you are really quite nice..." There was a smiley face at the end of that but the meaning escaped me ;-)

Nellie wanted to know what music I listen to. That would be R&B (McKnight, Jagged Edge, 112, Keys, New Edition etc), Rap (BONE, Nas, Luda, Jay-Z, DMX, X etc.), Classical (Stravinsky, Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Handel, etc), Rock (Jamiroquai, Goo Goo Dolls, Hootie, Bon Jovi, etc), African (Keita, Kidjo, Sah Lomon, Awilo, Jabali etc.)--(in no particular order!)in fact almost everything. However I find Country music very taxing to listen to and can only take it in small does.

Beatrice was very impressed with the Agumbaru Corner and even sent me an extract to remind myself of just how incensed I was at the time. If I am not mistaken at the time some individuals had objected to something I had written. I was reminded and was amused. Thank ye m'dear!

Judy who regularly had very nice things to say has disappeared off the face of the earth and I can only assume that she is alive and kicking somewhere!

Jeff and Kris were ardent seekers of MP3s and were keen on knowing which were the best sites to visit.

May 6: Chris is another year older! Dude, many happy returns of the day!
May 10: Business dinner. Simultaneously one of my project deadlines.
May 11: Deferred meat eating venture.
May 12: Howard is celebrating something. We don't know what but there is food and drinks!

I have a constitutional right to give My own shout-outs to whoever I please!

Gathoni: Worry not, I shall write you a poem!
Yvonne: Welcome back girl!
Mumbi: Ball's in your court!
Kenyana: Howdy doo!
Pinky: To say that I am flattered would be an understatement!
Hilary: The next time God is doing his creation bit wait until the brains are given out before you split, OK?
Wanja: Where on earth have you gotten to then?
Bryan: I've read your mail and am giving it a thought.
Simiyu: I've read your mail and am also giving it some thought.
Eve: You're not that girl!