Met those kind men who out of the goodness of their hearts relieve fellow man of pesky things like money and phones that are too heavy for them to carry. This time they were in no mood for banter and discretion became the better part of valour. Took off with a speed that amazed the entire population of a passing Kenya bus, heavily laden as I was and all.
The patriarch returns again after yet another sojourn to Uganda. The demarcation between him visiting Uganda and visiting his home is indeed becoming blurred!
It is folly indeed to fathom the wiles of the female mind. The other day after puzzling over the sudden hostile behaviour of one good lady, I took the bull by the horns and attempted to sound the waters. It would seem she felt I was infiltrating too may of her defences and we were becoming too close.

This was news to me, I must confess, and left me speechless. The truth be told I'd rather be close to a rabid Doberman Pinscher than that neurotic lass but those are details. The wrong end of the stick is often grabbed around me, but I wisely refrained from communicating that. Seeing as this is the fourth or so time I am in such a predicament, I did not lose any sleep and proceeded to lead a life of guerrilla warfare whenever she was around, hiding and at times fleeing headlong away from the dear lady.

However my skills seem to have been blunted as I was neatly cornered quite literally with my back to a wall. It would seem that now staying out of sight is also a problem.

I'd much rather measure the distance between the sun and the earth with a 15 centimeter ruler and paint all of Egypt's pyramids with my tongue than try and figure out what to do when being seen is a problem and being absent is also a problem!!! I am open to suggestions ([email protected])

The very weekend I decide to be a good boy I am led to believe my boys were involved in antics worthy of a Nigerian movie. From what I have gathered within two days my lads managed to:

• Partake of some brew that just happened to be residing in someone's vehicle. That the brew was almost 150% proof does not seem to have been realized at first
• Descend to some fisticuffs
• Soundly abuse everyone in sight
• Attempt to take on some bouncers
• Visit Choices and attempt to become very friendly with total strangers

Murphy's laws indeed are powerful concepts....
Was amazed when I arrived at Church slightly late to find the gate locked and the watchman adamantly refusing to let me in. I can relate to the sentiments of the five who arrived at the wedding to find the gates locked! Our Lady Queen Of Peace are bringing a whole new meaning to being ready at any time!
Spent the rest of the day doing research about a topic no one really cares about.

A night out with the lads never has a dull moment. The other Friday was one such...
Sin appeared with a bottle of spirits from the Rodina that turned out to be almost 80 proof.
Boys being boys, they drunk heartily from this fount, leading to a variety of fascinating occurrences, including:

• Noisy arguments with bouncers
• Fisticuffs with gentlemen who attempted to lay hands on already spoken for lasses
• Attempting to lay hands on already spoken for lasses
• Beating the snot out of gentlemen who accidentally bumped into the lads...

I will forever re-iterate -- if you can't pronounce it -- don't drink it!
This Michael Power dude is beginning to become increasingly irritating just when I thought I could not possibly dislike him any more.
A therapeutic attempt to go to his full length movie and rip it to shreds with Jinx and Big Pin seems to be wearing off. A cornier movie I have yet to see.

Repeat Golf festival at Windsor Golf Club. This time am to bring along 3 of my lads.
Decide that it is illegal for a single man to own so much land. A vehicle is necessary to find one's way around the place! I kid you not! Amazement greets the information that people habitually get lost on the course.
Not in the least surprised to run into a bunch of monkeys on the course.
Narrowly escape being killed by a stray golf ball. Turn of speed impresses golfers on the course.
Eat sandwiches and consume soup as if the end is nigh. Make short work of an excellent beverage called the Club Special
After a long day on the course wind up in town with my lads. There is an unspoken agreement that real food must be consumed with immediate effect.
Effect an entry at McFry's and it is only myself and Jinx who have single meals. The other two lads order as if they have arks on their persons.
Go upstairs to feast and upon arriving at the extreme corner, just beneath the tv a feller has cornered (literally) a lass and is hard at work wooing her.
We settle down and divide our attention between the Chelsea game on the screen and the antics of our lad as he tries his best lines on the lass.
Spend enjoyable two hours eating, watching the game and watching the lad at work

I have never and shall never take kindly to threats. As a matter of fact the quickest way to get me to laugh besides being yourself is to threaten me!
Been laughing all week at the antics of the man who chopped off a key component of his person to spite his wife and teach her a lesson. Without a doubt this has got to be the stupidest thing that has ever been done in history. I'm not surprised the chap's guardian angel didn't stop him -- he must have been rolling on the ground with tears of laugher rolling down his cheeks
The levels of productivity to which man can arise shall never cease to amaze me. The period between 9 in the evening and 5 in the morning was spent churning out a term paper that Koffi Annan himself would sell a country for.
To those who saw that picture of a daughter of her parents seated at RFUEA grounds last week with what she fondly imagined was a seductive exposure of some certain inner garments -- is it just me or was it back to front??

I heartily agree with the Lord when he says I should keep Holy the Lord's day. But when there is a term paper due on Monday and one has yet to begin one must flaunt that directive.

Spent the whole day with my friend Sam hard at work on a report I suspect even God would be reluctant to give the Devil. I have never seen such abstract nonsense in all my life. The topic might as well have been something as mundane as "The mating and reproductive habits of the anopheles mosquito" for all the interest it stirred to me. After one hour's work I found myself yawning as if I had completed the Paris Dakar rally on foot.

I was even forced to miss the Manchester United - Liverpool game to draw ridiculous diagrams but the kicker came when we called our lad Qz to establish the registration numbers of our errant missing group members.

We were informed those gentlemen were comfortably ensconced in comfortable chairs, with drinks to their lips cheering lustily and completely and utterly enjoying the action.

Seldom have I laughed so hard and so long. The stress that had been accumulating all day simply dissipated and the stupid grin I bore for the rest of the day was testament to it!

Howl with amazement when the paper I wasted -- er -- spent most of yesterday doing is voided by a sudden declaration that the actual topic had been changed.
Listen with sympathy as some of my lads turn the air blue for miles with their eloquence.
As a sign of solidarity we refuse to alter our work and battle lines are drawn. The good lady with the unfortunate task of educating us didn't quite know what hit her until she found herself in possession of papers that could not have been more different if we had deliberately decided to answer our own questions.
Tentative plans to go to Lake Baringo have been floated but nothing seems to have been cast in stone. I await with bated breath.
A rival plan to descend to the Coast has also been mooted and i personally see no reason not to have a finger in this pie.
The vocabulary in use nowadays is striking me as being singularly fascinating. Shall think about documenting it one of these fine days.
On the work front a merger has bust been finalized and I find that three companies have decided to become one. What this bodes apart from more opportunities and more work remains to be seen.

Merger has seamlessly taken place. It is now possible to have office 'cliques'.
Shamelessly acquaint myself with the new personnel. Office life shall become still more interesting from the looks of things!
Kencell Golf festival is arranged and am made to wake up at the ridiculous hour of 6 on Saturday MORNING!
Duly present myself and the Jinx and we are soon on our way to Vet Lab golf club. Any questions about the name were answered when the powerful smell of cow dung manifested itself
Spend good part of the day watching a mixture of singularly untalented Kenyans and professionals throwing their back into it.
Try in vain to keep laughter in check as a particularly unskilled gentleman misses the ball entirely and soundly knocks his 14 year old son to the ground. Profuse apologies are offered and soundly and tearfully rejected.
Having missed breakfast, lunch is devoured with startling speed. Ignore the awed looks and do full justice to the meal
Attend prize giving ceremony and watch with amazement as a club member irritates the composure out of the Golf Captain. Spirited war or words ensues. Worst golfer is awarded a slasher for his efforts.
Depart from golf club at about 9. Almost immediately knock a pothole and have a flat.
Change tire with the aid of light from an assortment of mobile phone screens.
Get home in time to do full justice to an excellent but late dinner

Game of games is being played today - Arsenal vs Man U
Lads decide to rendezvous at the Carnivore for the fun and games
Have supper in town and watch in amusement as gentlemen detour to Uchumi and emerge with a bottle of Popov Vodka.
The Popov is divided and one of the divisions accompanies us to the matatu we are taking into town  in a plastic cup.
Alight from matatu, and while looking for a 15 run into some fellers in the process of mugging a hapless passerby. Ideas about helping are scuttled when we hear one thug growling "dunga kisu!"
Discretion being the better part of valor, dive into passing 15 and very soon we are at the Carnivore.
Spend an interesting evening watching soccer and a still more interesting night getting down to the Rock Nite!

Duty calls to the Muthaiga Golf club. I happily recruit 5 lads to accompany me.
The expression that met the news that we were to be there at seven was not one of enthusiasm.
On the fateful day receive a call from the Clansman that he is a matatu with amusement. It later turns out that gentleman made the call from the comfort of his bed.
Get off to a rocky start when the infrastructure fails to materialize. Frantic calls are made and soon all is resolved.
Decide that golf is most definitely an acquired taste. Thoughts of an entire day on that green hitting small balls make one shudder. If ever you find me in a golf club, you'll find me In Da Club.
Imminent threat of rain does not seem to dampen the golfers' spirits. The number of people who fondly believe they can play golf is staggering. Tiger Woods and Ernie Els can rest easy wherever they are.
Very unspectacular golf is played. Trees, birds and other golfers get the worst of it.