| ... IN LOVING MEMORY ... |
|
To Michelle
One of a kind...
This is for you.
I Miss you... |
| ... THOUGHTS ... |
| FATHER: Stop reaching across the table for the food!
You have a tongue!
SON: I think its easier to use my hands |
| ... REGULARS ... |
| |
For
those clamoring for past issues -- check out the archives and hope
to High Heaven that what you want is there!
|
| |
| Read
extracts from my journal. Most of the interesting stuff is there and
I am thinking about sharing with you the really neat stuff like when
I helped milk a cow that turned out was a Friesian bull.... |
| |
| Take a look at the agumbaru's corner
-- (see if you're there!) I rant and rave and pull no punches! For
all you know, you may be next! |
| |
| Take a look at some assorted links.
I will collect more and organize them when I feel inclined to but
until then -- enjoy! |
|
| Something I have been driven to make
by a firebrand lass whose email was in HEX! A very technical page
for watu wa IT. |
|
| At long last I have been convinced
by a baffling amount of individuals to document what ticks me off.
With pleasure! |
|
| It is everyone's prerogative to stand
up for one's rights, and I am doing just that -- taking on what MUST
be taken out as soon as possible! |
| |
| |
|
| ... THINKER'S ... |
|
|
All things considered, it's not been a bad week at all. 3
dear friends I have not spoken to in some years suddenly
made contact and considering that I have not won
the lottery and become a millionaire, I believe
they are genuine and was certainly glad to hear
from them. I also managed to reduce my workload
by a good quarter which sounds a little but trust
me is a lot more than it sounds!
|
The Patriarch
also returned from his little trip to Uganda and
it is with some considerable relief that I hand him back his household
and thank him profusely for the
many years he spent converting me from a truant toddler
to the gent I am today. Running a house containing
3 small boys who eat and get dirty is quite some
exercise I can tell you!
|
| ... WHEN THE ANGELS PLAYED SOCCER... |
|
In true World Cup spirit, some of
our leading personalities in the media industry (Kiss FM, Capital
FM, East African Standard and KBC) together with a pair of enterprising
women MP's decided to have an exhibition soccer game to raise HIV
awareness in Kenya. Being a generous man I am going to share with
you the merriment that took place that day! |
For those who are not
the sharpest tools in the toolbox realize that I have taken great
liberties with the facts. This is an account of the match between
Bra-Zil and Chile (Pun very much intended!)
With the World Cup in full throttle in Korea and simultaneously
in Japan, some leading media personalities and MPs decided to have
some sporting of their own – a football match. Rugby had been
suggested tentatively but the general consensus was that there was
likely to be quite some carnage. It was unanimously decided that
no gentlemen should feature at all, and someone was head to observe
that ‘the average IQ should now be effective double what it
would have been’. The commentator, by virtue of being a gentleman,
objected strongly to that comment but finding that he was outnumbered
and outgunned 12 to 1 wisely elected to control his outrage. The
commentator believes that he is intelligent enough to realize that
2 + 2 = 5 for large values of 2, and thinks that the disdain directed
towards his gender is quite unwarranted. The aforementioned 12 left
the commentator in no doubt that his opinion was unwanted and would
be treated with the contempt it deserved. (I am the commentator.)
MORE...
|
| ... TANGAZO MAALUM ... |
|
Now then, are you young, beautiful
and composed? You are? Jolly good. Next question:
do you have any facial hair of any kind? You don't?
LIES!! Well, if you insist. But I don't believe you.
Anyway, my beliefs are besides the point. It would also help tremendously
if you have never been a guest of the Government.
And I do not mean visiting State House. I mean other - ah - accommodation
offered by the state like Langata, Industrial
Area and Kamiti. |
| No doubt by now I
have eliminated 70% of the populace. That's great. If you have any
affiliation of any kind with organizations like Mungiki you're out!
If you are associated with Bin Laden, Bin Lyin' or Bin Bribin' see
yourself off the premises.
If you still qualify and are over 5 foot 6, are
a Kenyan Citizen, are not married,
do not have children (saving all of us from the
horrors of little replicas of you) and posses a passport
then you might just be the first Miss Malaika,
which has plenty of money, an office in South Africa,
clothes and all sorts of bells and whistles. The Miss Malaika franchise
has been acquired by a fine establishment called the Model
House, co-established by one Pinky Ghelani,
who ought to know all about this kind of thing! She encouraged me
to let all my pretty girl friends (that is friends who are girls)
know and if I never wrote to you... ahem! Auditions begin on
July 13 at the Model House, Westlands. You don't need experience,
you don't need training. All you need is to show up!
MORE DETAILS |
|
| ... FEEDBACK ... |
| I have a constitutional right
to give My own shout-outs to whoever I please!
Grace: Lovely to hear from you again!
Pinky: I could always draw a map! It's not really
that hard to find!
Njeri: Hang in there! You can make it!
George: There IS something lower than a moron!
Aida: Have y'self a lovely holiday!
Members Of Parliament: Each and Every one of you
are HORSES viewed from the posterior! I do mean it from the bottom
of my heart!
Cheri G: Where on earth are
you hiding?
Sue: Really living a soap opera, aren't you?
Laura: Am getting old and grey chilling for you
and your correspondence.
Boy Gutu: About as useful as powdered water! Ushindwe
wewe!
Pato: Rumours have it that despite your graduating some
time back you are still a regular and familiar sight at Box!
|
| ... ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ... |
I would like to thank Me for all the support I have
given myself. I am one of a kind and I admire the time I have taken
to do this when I could be doing other more interesting things like
shelling peas.
Let us not forget
Myself for the valuable contribution as well , of course,
as I who is indispensable to this project!
Some mention is also
directed to my keenest fans and supporters who keep me going. Starting
with Gathoni and proceeding to Sam, Beatrice,
Laura, Anissa, Cynthia, Robe, Doreen Maureen,
Beth, Mumbi, Riyad, Tommy, Bryo and Grace
There will also be
some people who will want to be thanked effusively despite the fact
that they have contributed nothing whatsoever. My friends,
mtangoja kweli! |
| ... FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON ... |
| Stacy, Rani, Jimo, Sue, John, Josephine,
Wanja, Njeri, Sam, Allan, Susan, Joyce, Joe, Jim, Kioks, na kadhalika
(Pals 4 ever) and my boyz Sinei, Baddy, Peter, Geff, Marky Marc, Oranjo
and Vinny |
| ... CONTACTS ... |
| Don't call me, I'll call you!
I'm too lazy to write some database stuff to gather your feedback
so if you are really inspired you can catch me at [email protected]
Or vent in the Guest
Book. Please send suggestions, thoughts, rants and raves and anything
you like to me. I however reserve the right to delete your mail without
even reading it! |
| ... NEXT UPDATE ... |
| This site is updated IF and WHEN the
owner FEELS LIKE updating it. He is under NO obligation whatsoever
to do it on any particular schedule. Any questions? |
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