Taking the express train past Reality, through Insanity, then out the other side...before losing the return ticket
Taking the express train past Reality, through Insanity, then out the other side...before losing the return ticket
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Rimm's Temple of Random Blatherings Political Definitions Of A Bovine Nature
Cheer up! It's not the end of the world! |
Threats of further terrorist atrocities, war in Afghanistan, and general global badness is getting us all down. Every time we turn on the telly, or open a newspaper, we learn of new reasons to be depressed.
However, being glum and miserable isn't doing anyone any favours, so, with classic Brit Stiff-Upper-Lipishness, R.R.O.R presents......... 20 THINGS TO DO THIS WEEKEND TO BANISH THE BLUES!!! 1) Buy a melon, drill a hole in it, and bung it in the microwave......you know the rest! 2) Avoid watching Eastenders. Life is bad enough without those bloody cockney miseries whinging on and on. 3) Fart in a busy lift/elevator. Immature, I know, but watching everyone nervously lower their eyes to the floor is hilarious. 4) Put The Birdy Song as your mobile phone's ringtone. Then, when it rings in public, refuse to answer it. See how long it takes for someone to go mad :) 5) Have a Pizza and Beer (if underage, substitute coke) party at your place. The first person to mention Osama Bin Laden, Afghanistan, The War, or the Conservative party must strip naked and run to the shops for top-ups. 6) Travel around Scotland and visit as many whiskey distilleries as possible. You won't remember much, but trust me. It'll be worth it. 7) Persuade your local pub landlord to make happy hour last all night, in light of the fact the pub may not exist tomorrow. 8) Dress up as a chicken and cross the road. Don't ask us why. 9) Go to the nearest joke shop and buy a bushy fake beard, and wear it at all times just in case you get stopped by the Taliban during a day out. 10) Stick your underpants on your head and go to the shops. Sure, you might feel like a tit, but you'll brighten up someone elses day :) 11) Superglue a coin (preferably of a high monetary valuation) to the pavement, and laugh as people try to pick it up without others noticing them. 12) Squeeze a spot. It feels great to empty a huge pluke of all that foul pus, doesn't it???? 13) Tell your partner you love them. (This statement can always be retracted should the end of the world not come within 48 hours) 14) Start a religous cult. Just for laughs. 15) Cut out a picture of Osama Bin Laden and use it as a dart board. It's a great stress reliever. 16) OR, download > YO MAMMA, OSAMA and pump lead into the world's least favourite international terrorist with a variety of automatic weapons! AND LAUGH WHILE YOU DO IT! (Please not: Any urges to go out and repeatedly shoot innocent bystanders incurred after playing the game are NOT the responsibility of R.R.O.R., so please don't sue us.) 17) Find your old headmaster's address and anonymously send him loads of pornographic material. Just for kicks. 18) Crush a grape. It worked for Stu Francis on Crackerjack, so maybe it'll work for you 19)Go out on the town and get absolutely hammered. Sure, you may regret it in the morning, but it's better than watching pictures of desert rubble for the millionth time. 20) Think of the deep doggy do Osama Bin Laden is in. No matter how bad life is, you can always think yourself lucky you arent him. |