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Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. That saved and set me free! I once was lost but now am found. Was blind but now I see.

�T was grace that taught me to fear. And grace that taught me to see. How wonderful that moment I found When grace was show to me.

Too many hurts and snares That I have already o�er come. It�s grace that has found me safe and sound. And grace that will lead me home.

Samantha shuffled papers in the back office of her mother�s business. A little bored, she also read through the requirements to apply for a job. She had graduated only a few months prior and was itching to move away with her life. A knock on the door above all the hum of the printing presses, drawing her attention away from the paperwork. She lifted her head from leaning on her arm and looked up. In the doorway, her mother stood, a little drawn and uneasy.

    �Samantha, there are some people here to see you.� And entered in a chaplain and an officer from the military. The former was young, the later slightly balding and very set about his business.

    �Samantha Larson?� asked the chaplain, doing his best to look solemn.
Samantha nodded and offered seats to the guests.

    �Are you familiar with Lieutenant Devon Ashton?� the chaplain handed over a photo of Devon, Samantha�s friend from college.

Samantha nodded. �Devon and I were in school together.�

Did he get my last letter? Samantha wondered.

    �Devon listed you as the contact person in case he either was rated as missing in action or died in the line of duty. I�m afraid Devon is missing as of last Thursday.�

Samantha looked at Devon�s blue eyes in the photo. He hardly looked old enough to wear officer�s pips. �What happened?�

    �Lieutenant Ashton,� began the officer with the chaplain, �was involved with peace keeping in the Balkans. His unit was caught in crossfire from locals. He sent the message that brought an extraction team. Everyone but Lieutenant Ashton was rescued.�

    �How long has he been missing?� Samantha caught her breath hoping it hadn't been long.

    �Eight days.�

Samantha took a deep breath. Devon had no family of his own, they had gravitated toward each other, and something made their friendship stick.

    �Well, I guess that�s it.� Said Samantha.

    �Ms. Larson, Lieutenant Ashton has some personal effects, if we cannot locate the lieutenant in a month�s time, the base commander has asked that his items be removed from the base housing.�

    �He was stationed where?�

    �In Virginia, we�d fly you out and there would be a��the officer trailed off.

    �Someone would be there to greet you and help you pack his things.� finished off the Chaplain.

    �Who do I contact for any questions I might have?� Samantha looked up wanting to stop thinking about the possibilty that Devon might be missing.

    �Lieutenant Ashton had a full file here.� The officer pulled out a binder �It contains all of his requests. It was quite impressive, most of our enlisted cannot think in the detail he has provided.� He gave the binder to Samantha.

    �If you have any questions Ms. Larson, please call me, it�s toll free, anytime night or day. Before Devon left, he frequented the chapel, I got to know him very well.� The chaplain handed Samantha a card.

    �Thank you, I can show you out.� Samantha led them to the door and they left. Gary, her stepfather glanced over the men as they left. He looked a little lost, he always did to Samantha, but he made her mother happy. And Samantha could only sit on the side and find relief in the fact that she didn�t live with them any more.

    �What was that all about?�

    �It was Devon�s Chaplain, he�s missing in the Balkans.� Samantha watched them drive away.

    �Devon, the name doesn�t ring a bell.�

    �Devon the Army guy.� Samantha reminded, although some where in her mind she knew she was skating on thin ice with her tone.

    �Oh him.� Gary didn�t really recall, but figured it was none of his business anyway. His wife would remember and probably have some long talk with Samantha about it later.

    Samantha returned and finished filing the paper work staying off the printing press floor and made sure the binder made it into her laptop bag. It didn�t hit her until she was alone in her apartment curling up with her cat.

Devon was missing, and while he was an outstanding army officer, she didn�t think Devon had enough wits about him to handle being by himself in the middle of crossfire.

Samantha looked at the list for the spring sections. She was placed in with one of the aging professors but things could be worse, at least this aging professor had taught for a while and was tenured. The last aging coot barely remembered his name, let alone the reason he was teaching. There was no one in the section that really caught her attention, she sighed. She marked off a mental note that this might be yet another lonely semester. But to her surprise that first Monday, Samantha saw a vaguely familiar face. He was frustrated in the corner he chose to sit in. In fact, he was seething. Samantha chose to distance herself, but something was drawing herself to him.

It was mid term when it just Devon started to run ideas for essays by Samantha; he worked on his essays separate from the class. The lectures were getting thin. Devon often took some beatings, he was in the bottom third of their graduating class. It was getting on him and he was definitely loosing sleep.

    �Want to go get a cookie?� he asked.

    �Sure why not.�

    �What are you going to do about your grade?� asked Samantha.

    �I get what I deserve, but I cannot afford to fail this term. I�m not a bad student.� Devon was being honest. Samantha had seen glimpses into his intelligence.

    �What happens if you do?�

    �I go to summer session and work myself into the ground.�

    �Not going home like the rest of them?�

    �Nope, no where but here to go home to.� He paid for his cookie and waited for Samantha. Samantha took a bite out of her cookie.

    �It�s not that I�m out to make wonderful things happen. If they happen, great, if they don�t I�m at no loss. I don�t screw around with fate.�

    �Is that why you�re in the Army program too?�

    Devon shook his head. �It was my attempt to straighten up and fly right.� He bit into his cookie and wiped off some crumbs on his chin.

Devon was struggling again through another semester. It seemed wherever Devon was going to go, he was going to have to fight an uphill battle. His mentor in the program, Dr. Ellis was frustrated with him and took the time to roll paper and bonked him over the head with it.

    �Why didn�t you tell me about that idea?� sputtered the energetic man. Devon always looked to Dr. Ellis like a father. There was no denying that. Contrary to Devon�s calm exterior, the elder man acted half way out of his mind.

    �You�ve got to get the idea out on paper. How did you get to be such a stickler for holding these things back? You�ve been in the program for four years and you seem to have gotten progressively worse.�

    �I got it out didn�t I?�

    �After I twist it out of you. Get to work, no socializing.� Devon paid lip service to Dr. Ellis and Dr. Ellis moved on to couching the next student. Samantha, in her seat rolled over to behind Devon.

    �Want to work on the group project for the paper?�

   �Sure. Any ideas?�

   �We�ll work on it later over drinks, my place.� Offered Devon. They had been over to each other�s respective apartments often. Samantha and Devon lived in the same general direction and walked home together after late classes.

It was a moderate basketball game and Devon and Samantha were sitting next to each other.

    �So what is it like in the �real world�?� Samantha asked one of the alumni.

    �What do you mean?�

    �Do those students that always kiss up and get the grades actually do well?�

    �The �A� students go on and find other jobs outside of the industry, and the �B� students work for the �C� students.� Joked one.

    �Everyone needs a beer!� announced another alum who passed beer down the four rows of students and alumni.

    �It depends on what they were good at. Can�t always predict, how things will come out, you have to be willing to ride it out and take the good with the bad.� Samantha leaned over with a beer in her hand.

    �Share this with me.� She whispered. And they swapped the beer back and forth over the third quarter. Devon had never had a beer, despite the fact that he was a fraternity member. He sipped the foam figuring that it would be the least disagreeable with his palette tuned to the likes of hard alcohol. He ended up stuck with the last quarter of beer, which had risen to room temperature between his hand and Samantha�s hand.

Devon tossed back another mixed drink. Drinking with Samantha was becoming a monthly habit.

    �I don�t think I�m going to go home for Thanksgiving.�

    Devon raised an eyebrow. �What happened?�

    �It�s a misunderstanding. Gary�s being impossible.�

    �Try me.� So Samantha detailed out what was eating at her, Devon could only listen with an empathic ear.

    �I don�t go home either,� admitted Devon after listening to Samantha. �Nothing for me to go home to. The guys and I are cooking Thanksgiving dinner at the house, if you want you can come.�

    Samantha muttered something non-committal.

Sloshed, celebrating their graduation, Samantha curled in Devon�s sleeping bag on his bed. He was passed out on the floor muttering about something, every half hour or so, he�d wake up, drown himself with water and then pass back out. Later, it would have proved useful; Samantha would have a serious hangover the next morning.

Devon hobbled into the print shop on crutches and hit the bell on the counter. Samantha looked up from the front desk and ran to hug him. Devon hugged her tightly.

    �How are you? I�m sorry they came for you. I was going to tell you�� he stammered.

    �I�m just glad you�re all right.�

    �Mom it�s Devon!� she called to the back rooms. Samantha pulled away giving Devon some space. Samantha�s mom came over and smiled.

    �Welcome home Devon.�

    �Thank you ma�am.� And Samantha�s mom disappeared from sight.

    �You got some time tonight?� asked Devon.

    �Sure for old time�s sake.�

    �I�ll drive this time.� He grinned holding up a pair of keys.

    �What are you driving?�

    �It�s out by your step dad�s truck.�

    Samantha, curious, lead Devon behind the counter and through the lunchroom and the press room to the back door where the dogs leapt onto Devon. The elder of the two mutts licked Devon�s leg and Devon rewarded the dog with a kind scratch behind the ears.

And then as suddenly, Samantha woke up to her phone.

    �Miss Williams please.�

    Samantha supressed a yawn. �This is Samantha Larson.�

   �Miss Larson, this is Chaplin Botts from Virginia, I visited you about Lieutenant Devon Aston a month ago? I�m afraid I have some bad news. We were able to locate Lieutenant Ashton.�

   �He�s dead isn�t he.� Samantha�s voice was flat. She heard the fear in the Chaplin�s voice.

   �From all reports we�ve gotten, Lieutenant Ashton died a hero�s death. I�ll have a copy of the report when you come to Virginia. We�re arranging a flight for you currently.�

   �Thank you.�

Devon was drunk and sitting on his couch when Samantha walked in. She had never seen him this wasted before.

    �God Devon what were you drinking?� Devon frankly reeked of drunkeness.

    �I�m on vodka right now, want some?� He drained the bottle into his cup and slammed down its contents.

    �No thanks.� She said lightly. She noticed that the light to Devon�s answering machine was flashing. He never left the answering machine flashing if he was home. He was religious about checking his messages.

    �Play it. Go ahead.� He said as he rummaged around the floor for a bottle that hadn�t been emptied.

Samantha walked between the glass bottles and pushed play.

    �Hey you little bastard. Guess what, you�re no longer protected by that wussy piece of paper. I am coming over to beat the living crap out of you. You deserve it after leaving your mother and me alone for the past eight years. I hope you throw a better punch now you little wus. I hope you can at least take punches like a man now. I�m coming for you, you better watch out.� The machine ended the message and rolled off.

    �Who was that crank call?� Samantha asked, but Devon never let her screen his crank calls.

    �That was my father.� Devon was in tears.

    �Fuckin� bastard.� He tried tossing the sticky cup into the trash can five feet away and managed to get the cup on the floor only inches from his feet.

    �He can�t hurt you Devon, if that�s what you�re worried about. You�re an adult, you�ve left him.�

    �Promise me something Samantha, if I die in combat, he won�t be allowed anywhere near me?�

    �You�re going to be fine. You�ve survived worse things in life Devon.�

    �Don�t let him anywhere near me. I know him. He�ll dig me up and beat what�s left of my body for sport. He�s sick and twisted.� Devon�s tears overcame him in gasping sobs.

    �It�ll be okay Devon.� She said softly sitting next to him and hugging him tightly.

After a while, Devon wiped his nose on his sleeve and leaned back asking, �Damn it Samantha, you know why you and I won�t ever be more than friends? I�m too chicken shit and we�re better friends anyways.�

    �No, I think we�d be great as a couple Devon.� Samantha surprised herself as she spoke up.

Samantha looked at Devon�s empty apartment. He didn�t own much other than a few books from school, and some personal items that were just easily thrown away. It was almost as if Devon didn�t exist. But there were his dog tags, his class ring, and his diploma, those she packed in a box to take back with her.

    �He fought a good fight Miss. He saved every one in his unit, killed a couple of rebels in the process, but he was no match for fifteen guns at once. He carried a picture of you in his wallet, I asked him once if you were his girl, he said you weren�t but that you were enough reason to think of home.� Said a sergeant who had served with Devon.

    Samantha smiled and whispered, �Thank you.�

   �I�ll see you tomorrow? I�ll be honored to pick you up and drive you to his memorial.� He looked hopeful.

    �Thank you Sergeant.�

It would have been Devon�s twenty-fifth birthday yesterday. Mused Samantha as she picked up her son into her arms. She looked into his face as he shoved his fingers into his mouth kicking at the air as his mother lifted him out of the crib.

In her son�s eyes, she saw the hope that Devon once described in his writings.

They shared the strong blue eyes that searched for truth. She wasn�t as sentimental as to name him after his father, but he carried his father�s spirit. From the second he was born, Samantha knew she could not keep her son from his father. She only wished Devon had gotten her last letter. But the picture of Devon from graduation would have to suffice to fill all her son�s curiosities about his father.