raq

Q1 : Why does the URL to your homepage say �renbartle�? Who�s that?
A1 : That�s a long story and really not worth your while knowing. Just know that some cheeky lowlife took the �river dawg� name, leaving me to resort to such means of deception.

Q2 : Why aren�t there any pictures on your website?
A2 : My scanner died on me last year. But the real reason is that I believe the quality (ahem) lies in the articles I write on my website, and not in any pictorial representation. Also, I only have 15 MB of webspace.

Q3 : Can we at least have a picture of you then?
A3 : No.

Q4 : Why is the website so unprofessionally done?
A4 : Because I�ve never done this before and I�m bad with computers. If slick animation and matching colour schemes are so important to you, then please leave. I do appreciate tips, as long as they come with easy-to-follow instructions, so e-mail me with those.

Q5 : What are rants? And why do they all start with "Quite often"?
A5 : That�s the place to go if you want to hear me complain, bitch and moan about generally trivial things. As for the "Quite often" thing, it's really a running gag which I try to pass off as my artistic writer's style. It's clearly not working. But still I try.

Q6 : Wow. You complain about every single small thing. Are you really that petty in real life?
A6 : No, I�m really not. But being overly critical is part of the fun. That�s the only way I can get material.

Q7 : What are reviews?
A7 : They range from the latest albums or singles to TV shows to movies. Again, I choose to pick out the bad stuff and give passing notice to the good bits.

Q8 : Gosh, you�re really negative.
A8 : Yes, yes I am. Deal. And that's not a question, by the way.

Q9 : And what are randoms then?
A9 : Continuing to build on the �R� theme, that�s all. 'Randoms' refer to short random things that defy classification. Some are serious, but most of them are frivolous. The serious ones tend to be less snarky about things; the frivolous ones, on the other hand, are invariably more scathing.

Q10 : Haven�t you ever got anything positive to say?
A10 : The initial idea was to include a �raves� section, but I realised to my horror that I actually rarely rave about anything that does not border on obnoxious self-aggrandising, ie. raving about myself.

Q11a : So why don�t you just do that?
A11a : No.
Q11b : Why?
A11b : Because I hate you. Next question. Please.

Q12a : I don't get some of your 20 million pop-culture references. What should I do?
A12a : Then that's my cue to feel really sad and cry - oh, wait, I suddenly remember that I don't care. Okay, I'm not about to run through every pop-culture reference till you get it or the cows come home, whichever is earlier. If it's obscure, I will explain it in my article. You ought to get the rest of the references - if not, then you're quite the geek, and I can't help you with that. Watch TV, catch a movie, listen to music, read a book, whatever. Just don't bug me.
Q12b : I really hate you right now.
A12b : Didn't I tell you not to bug me? And again, that isn't a question!

Q13 : I found one of your articles really funny, and want to cut-and-paste it to a friend. Is that okay?
A13 : I can�t stop you, but I�d prefer it if you didn�t. Things could go very wrong on the World Wide Web. If you must, please include the URL link and give credit to me. It�s best if you just get your friend to visit my webpage � I�d definitely appreciate that. Since we�re on this topic, Adrian Chua owns the copyright to all material written on this webpage, unless otherwise indicated. I visit the zoo quite often and am familiar with the shark exhibit, and therefore have means to legal representation. So, don�t try anything funny.

Q14 : I want you to review something, or rant about something. Can I e-mail you to request that?
A14 : Yes, you can. Here's the e-mail link for you to do that. I�ll try my best to oblige, but bear in mind that if said review entails putting myself through an Adam Sandler or Martin Lawrence movie or listening to the latest Missy Elliot or Backstreet Boys CD, then don�t bother with the e-mail.

Q15 : Can I e-mail you to disagree with your views and opinions?
A15 : You can certainly do that if that�s your chosen form of therapy. I might start a forum page if I find your viewpoint worth airing. But to be honest, I do this for fun, so please don�t start a fight. However, I will make it a point to reply to all e-mail.

Q16 : It�s been ages since you updated. Should I e-mail you to remind you?
A16 : No. Don�t do that. I�m a student, and I have a busy schedule most weeks. If it�s so important to you, then do e-mail me and I�ll put you on a mailing list. Any update, and you�ll be first to know.

Q17 : So why are you called River Dawg?
A17 : Nice try but no banana. That�s for you to find out. Like I said, it embodies several things I hold close to my heart, and I�ve never told anyone all of them, so you�re gonna have to be quite the Sherlock to figure it out.

Q18 : Can I contribute an article or three?
A18 : No. Start your own gig.

Q19 : What kind of gratification do you get out of maintaining this webpage?
A19 : An outlet for me to vent, really. Also to practise my humour writing. It�s easy to be funny if you�re criticising or barbing something, and I want to try to bring the funny without necessarily being too negative. That�s my aim. It also gets rid of my inherent boredom, and if it brightens up your day, that's good too.

Q20 : Um, I meant - do you score with girls using this?
A20 : What do you think?