| RANDOM DELIRIUM (R.D.'s R.D.) |
| No holds barred ... something about everything. Eventually. For now, it's quite short. I'm not that delirious. Yet. 14 Feb 2002 The Luckiest Person In The World Today, I was snacking on one of those cardboard-tasting things known as fortune cookies. I love how most people find it such a thrill. My fortune today read "You Will Soon Gain Something You Have Always Wanted" - cryptic enough to annoy me. I'm rather perturbed by the use of the word 'gain' as opposed to 'get'. Anyway, you want to be lucky? Just go get yourself a supersize box of fortune cookies, and you'll have something to smile about for the rest of the year. Can't go wrong with that. 5 Jan 2002 What's With The Potato? The humble potato. A staple in many parts of the world. And yet so misunderstood. In the UK, what is known as a "chip" is the "french fry" across the Atlantic (and many other places, even possibly France, gasp). What the Yanks know as a "chip" is what the Brits call "crisp" - you know those that come in foil packets, and are very unhealthy. Anyway, today I was having a packet of crisps for a snack. I usually never do this. And there is one flavour (salt and vinegar) which I will only ever eat if I'm very drunk, I'm being force-fed, or there is no food left on earth, including rats. Uh, okay, maybe not. Anyway, I was having a packet of 'ready salted' crisps, when I began to realise how utterly redundant the word 'ready' was on the packaging. I mean, if you were to pick up a packet of salted crisps, would you : (a) think it was unsalted? (b) think it might be unreadily salted, whatever that means? (c) ask the supermarket staff why it's salted and not ready salted, to which supermarket staff will then grab a tin of beans and throw at you. I don't understand this. Someone tell me while I get back to my ready salted crisps. 3 Jan 2002 Happy New Year To You Too A couple of days ago, I flew from Singapore to London with a short stopover in Frankfurt. My flight took off from Singapore on the night of New Year's Eve, and so by the time I reached Germany, it was already New Year's Day, bright and early in the morning at that. The time when people aren't thinking. As we disembarked the plane, there was this German policeman checking to see that everyone had a valid passport, something which I found to be an unnecessary waste of time since we would have the, checked eventually anyway. In any case, this German policeman looked at my passport, flipped the pages, then said in a gruff tone, "Is this your first trip this year?" to which I, without the slightest bit of thought, said 'no' since I had been to Germany rather many times over the year. The moment I said 'no', he started laughing in a friendly 'i-got-you' kinda way, and handed me my passport and joyfully wished me a happy new year. I could not believe I walked straight into that one. 6 Dec 2001 Coffee Cup Caper One of my own stories for once. Today, during my German lesson, we were learning about conjunctions. So the sentences we were trying to link were : "I do not drink coffee, _______ he drinks a lot of coffee, he has to have it every day!" I mean, I thought it was pretty clear to me that the answer is "but". However, Ingrid-Brigette called upon this Serbian girl to answer the question, and she was, like, "because". And Ingrid-Brigette just exclaimed : "You're not married yet, so you don't do something just because your husband does the same thing!" Hilarious. 3 Dec 2001 Takeaway and Take That! This one is courtesy of Jason Ng. It pays tribute to me, so I do claim half the glory. Here goes : Jason says : I just read a very adrian chua joke a few days back. share it with u..... "the other day i was at mcDonald's, and the auntie asked 'eating here, or takeaway'. of course, i say 'neither' as they are no chairs at the counter. 'over there', i said, pointing to a table.....the auntie gave me the most disgusted look.........." 2 Dec 2001 The Loophole About the Manhole Thanks to Filbert Tay for this. Got to wondering why on earth the people who invented manholes made them round. I mean, wouldn't it make much more sense of it to be squarish? I mean, you really just want a conduit by which you could get underground and fix whatever water pipes there are, or to feed the sewer rats. So what does it matter, really? But it does, it does. You see, my greatest fear, if I were to ever be an underground sewage technician or water mains expert, is getting trapped when some vehicle comes back, accidentally knocks the manhole cover and it spins shut on the manhole. Of course, the probability of this happening is probably 1-in-10,049. But still. Me scared. So you see, a squarish manhole cover will prevent this from happening, because you literally gotta get the car to knock the cover, and for it to spin such that all 4 corners of the cover touch all 4 corners of the manhole before someone's grave is sealed. This probability of this happening : 1-in-157,339. |