Another Goo Story
By: Rebekah Parham

-48-

I had escaped from reality long enough. It was time for me to get back to my real life. Artie and I stood in the airport waiting for my flight. "I wish you didn't have to leave so soon" Artie said.

"So soon, Artie I have been here for nearly two months. Aren't you sick of me yet?"

"Does anyone ever get tired of you?" he laughed.

I gave him a slight grin and said, "I hope not."

My flight was finally called so I leaned over to give Artie one last hug. "You have no idea how much you have helped me these last few months."

"I didn't do anything"

"You did more than you will ever know" I told him. We pulled back from the hug and I picked up the one bag that I had brought with me.

"Kayla" Artie called. I turned back to him, "If you want to repay the favor I know what you can do"

"What's that?" I asked

"Find out what's going to make you happy and go for it" he said as the flight attendant tried to rush me onto the plane.





I took a taxi from the airport to my apartment. Everything still looked the same. I took a deep breath and unlocked my front door. Reagan had been sitting on my couch, immediately stood up. I didn't say anything, just sat my bag down on the floor.

"I have been worried to death about you. When you left the hospital I thought you were going to come home, but you didn't" She stopped and looked more closely at me with worried eyes. "How are you?"

"Fine" I said looking around. I noticed that the baby items that were scattered around the place when I left were all gone. I walked past Reagan into the spare room that we had turned into a nursery. Everything was gone from there too except for the rocking chair that still sat in its usual place by the window.

"I had everything donated to the Goodwill. I thought .." She broke off

"It's fine. I was going to donate everything myself" I said walking over to the rocking chair.

There was silence for a few minutes then Reagan asked, "Where did you go?"

"I went to visit Artie" I said sitting down in the chair.

"How is he?"

"Fine"

"How are we?" Reagan asked uneasily.

I turned and for the first time I made eye contact with her. She looked as if she was about to cry. I really didn't know how we were. "I don't know" I said truthfully.

"Kayla, I am so sorry for everything. If I could take it all back I ...."

"You wouldn't do anything different" I finished for her. "You were right, I would have done the same thing had I been in your place." I gave her a week smile and said, "I think I should be the one to apologize. I sorry for everything I said to you at the hospital. I didn't mean it. I was angry at the world and I took it out on you."

"I forgive you." Reagan was already crying and came across the room, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too"

The rest of the night was spent catching up on everything that had happened with work and with each other over the past two months. Reagan left after asking me numerous times if I would be okay by myself. It was the first night that I had spent by myself in over seven months. Reagan would never leave me alone at night when I was pregnant, in the hospital there was no such thing as alone. Someone was always in and out of your room all hours of the day and night. As quiet as it was at Artie's it could have almost seemed like I was alone but I knew that he was never far away.

I wondered through the apartment from room to room. I stopped in each one to look around. Everything looked the same as it had when I first got moved in. If only things could go back to the way they had been when I first moved in. I thought about that for a while and then changed my mind. I didn't want things to go back as they had been. I had as many problems then as I did now. Granted I hadn't lost a child but I had still lost a part of my heart. A part of my heart that had been missing since the the first time John had touched me. I thought about everything that happened between us. I laughed out loud when I remember the well deserved spanking he gave me in the lobby of our hotel. Other thoughts made me sad, like the night in the ally or the last day time I saw him in the hospital. There was no getting around it, I loved John and he would always have a piece of my heart just like I would have a piece of his.

As I sat thinking about these things, Artie's words kept running through my head, 'Find out what's going to make you happy and go for it.' I knew that John could make me happy but I was more worried about could I make him happy. This was the first time in my life when I absolutely had no idea how to solve my problem. There was only one solution I could come up with to face my fear, and that was to get down on my hands and knees and pray to God that I hadn't completely ruined any chance I had with John.

-49-

I stepped off the elevator on John's floor, and walked towards his door which was almost at the end of the corridor. I raised my hand to knock but put it back down. I paced back and forth trying to release some of my restless energy. I stopped in front of his door and was about to knock when it opened. A medium sized brunette with dark skin and eyes stepped out. She paused when she saw me, as did I. "Excuse me, I didn't hear you knock" She said in a high pitched voice.

"I was just about to, but I think I must have the wrong apartment" I said turning to leave.

"Are you looking for John?"

I turned back around to face her. "Yes" was all I could manage to get out.

"Then you don't have the wrong apartment. He is here but he's in the shower. You can wait if you want" She said in a inviting tone.

"No, that's okay. I will try back later when he isn't so busy" I said but stopped when the already open door was pulled farther open.

"Kate, I thought you had left already?" John said from inside the apartment. He was only wearing a pair of jeans when he came into view. Kate pointed and John stepped farther out into the hall to see who she was pointing to.

Neither one of us moved. It was Kate that broke the silence "I will be on my way now." Then she slipped past me and was gone.

I had a sour taste in my mouth from the time the girl had opened the door. Now it was only getting worse. So he had already found someone else, I was too late. "I didn't know you had company, I will go" I said backing my way down the hall.

"Not that it's any of your business" he sanpped, "but my company was my sister, and she just left so you might as well come in" he said holding the door open.

I hesitated for a moment and brushed past him into the small apartment. Books, magazines, sheets of paper, and guitars were everywhere. This usually meant he was writing some music. He started picking the paper up and I helped, glad for the brief minutes of distraction. When all the papers had been gathered up, I held them out to him and he jerked them away. "Why are you here Kayla?" John demanded.

"I thought maybe we could talk." I studdered out.

"About what?"

My throat became very dry and my heart was beating so fast I was sure I was about to have a corinary. I tried to calm myself down, but it was no use. Not when he wouldn't even look at me. "I would like to talk about everything."

"Talking was never one of our strong points."

He was right, we had never been able to talk without fighting. "I think we started on the wrong foot, maybe we could try again" I said trying to ease the tension.

He let out a slight chuckle before he angrily said, "Which time are you talking about? The first day we met at Artie's? The night in the hotel lobby? The day on the bus? In the ally? On the beach? In the hospital? There have been so many times we got started off wrong, so you are going to have to help me out a little, Kayla."

His words cut me to the bone. I had tried to imagin what his reation would be, but I never pictured him this angry with me. I couldn't blame him after everything I had done. "Please don't be like that" I said with my voice full of different emotions, but most of all it was fear.

John ran his fingers through his hair. "What the hell do you want from me? No matter what I do it's never going to be enough for you."

"That's not true"

"Oh really?' he said skeptical. "Are all women like you? No wonder men are so fucked up."

"Like me, what does that mean? How am I?" I asked, almost afraid to hear his answer. I knew it wasn't going to be a nice one.

"You knew how I felt about you all these years and you continued to play your little games. Even after we had become friends you still tortured me. From the first day I met you, you have turned my life upside down."

"I didn't mean to" I said hurriedly. "How was I suppose to know how you felt about me when every time we were together you acted like you hated me. Like you are right now."

He looked at me then. "I don't hate you, I just don't know how to deal with you....or without you"

I didn't think I had heard him right. Did he really just say that? My heart was leaping for joy then it feel to my stomach when I thought about the baby, our baby, that we had lost. He must a sensed my inner turmoil because he walked over to me. "Are you all right?" John asked softly

I looked into his eyes and a tear fell from the corner of my eye. "I never meant for things to turn out this way between us."

"I know" he said softly. "Why is it that the one person you would give up your life to protect is the person you hurt more than anyone?"

"I wish I knew."  We stood there in John's living room staring at the carpet, the wall, anywhere but at each other. "I saw you perform in Buffalo," I said.

This drew his attention back to me, "You were there?"

"I went to visit Artie when the news of your return to Buffalo started. At first I didn't want to go, but at the last minute I went."

"Then you heard the song?" I nodded my head as he continued, "It's going to be on our new album."

"It must have been a beautiful movie," I said. "The song was very powerful."

"It was a beautiful movie, but that's not the song I was talking about." John said bending his head so he could see my face. "You know I wrote that song for you," he said talking about 'Hate This Place.'

I nodded my head, still not looking at him. "You know what you said about the song, that it was about a guy trying to tell the girl to hold on because their time is coming. Is our time here yet?" I asked nervously.

John smiled and said, "I sure as hell hope so Kayla. I can't take much more of this."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. When our lips separated I laid my head down on his chest. I could feel his heart beating with mine. "Kayla, I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you." I drew in an unsteady breath. That was the first time he had ever said he loved me. John looked down at my head that was resting on his chest, "You had to know that I loved you."

"I never let myself believe it because I didn't think I could make you happy" I said as tear after tear streamed from my eyes.

John stepped back and looked down at me. "I could never be happy with someone else no matter how many children she could have, because she would never be you. As much as you drive me crazy I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"You can't?"

"You know you're the only person that is ever going to be able to put up with me. Who else would have stayed around after everything I have done to you?" He asked.

"Everything you have done to me, what about what I have done to you? John, I am so sorry for what I said t you in the hospital. I know that you were hurting that day just as much as I was."

"Kayla, I don't want to go back there. I want to start fresh, start again without all the fighting," he said leaning down to kiss her.

Hours later as they laid in bed together, John asked, "Do you have any regrets?"

"None. And you?"

"How could I possibly? You always were good in the sack," he said playfully.

I punched him in the stomach and we both started to laugh. "You better watch it, your smart mouth might get you into trouble."

"I should hope so," John said rubbing up and down my back.

"So much for us not fighting," I said looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, but at least now, we can fight and know we will enjoy making up," John said turning me onto my back where he was on top of me. After another mind blowing round of making love John said, "I don't think I will ever get enough of you."

"You better not," I said kissing his chest. I laid my head on him. "John"

"Yeah"

"Do you think we will ever be able to survive without killing each other?" I asked

"I doubt it," John said as I moved my head from his chest to his shoulder so I could look at him. "But won't it be one hell of a way to go."

~ THE END ~

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