Another Goo Story
By: Rebekah Parham
-30-
The next few days I didn't see the boys. I hardly saw Reagan. I had jumped feet first into planning my wedding. I wanted everything from the gown to the flowers to be perfect. Zack wanted me to get a wedding coordinator to help with everything, but I insisted that I could do it myself.
Reagan finally managed to corner me in the elevator after a few days of ignoring her. "I thought maybe we could have lunch," she suggested.
"I don't know I have a lot of wedding plans that..."
"You're planning your wedding and I am not even getting to help?" she asked almost hurt.
"I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't think you would want to help me plan. You don't really like Zack," I reminded her.
"I like Zack just fine, I just don't think he is the one for you. But what I think doesn't matter. As long as you are happy, I am happy for you." She looked at me smiling, but I wasn't smiling back. "You are happy aren't you?" she asked.
I plastered a fake smile on my face and said cheerily, "Of course, Why wouldn't I be?"
"No reason. So about lunch. Do you want to? You can fill me in on all your latest plans for the wedding."
"All right. How about 1:00?"
"Fine, see you at Rumba's," she said as we stepped out of the elevator.
"Would we go anywhere else?" I said with a smile. Rumba's was our favorite restaurant. We ate there almost twice a week when we first moved to California.
I arrived at ten after one. I walked over to where Reagan was sitting and asked, "Am I late?"
"Always," she said looking at the book I was holding. "What's that?" she asked.
"It's my wedding planner. I thought you might like to see it," handing it to her.
"So when is the big day?"
"Four months from tomorrow, on December 1. Think you will be able to make it?"
"Oh, I'll try to fit it into my schedule," she teased.
"Well, if you do find time, I would like for you to be my maid of honor. That's of course if you can make it," I said.
"What the hell, I can always shampoo the rug some other day," she said smiling.
We spent the rest of the lunch discussing the wedding. Reagan bought up the guys just as the check arrived, "Heard Zack finalized the settlement with John, Robby, and Mike yesterday."
"Yeah, he did. That was nice of him to do everything so quickly," rummaging around in my purse for my wallet.
"It was his fault they were in that mess in the first place," she said standing up.
"Yes, but now he has fixed everything, and things can all go back to normal," I said ready to leave. I didn't want to talk about the guys, about John especially. I knew if I talked about it, Reagan would see right through my act.
"Go back to normal. What does that mean? Do you want things to go back before they were before Robby asked you for help? Avoiding reality for the rest of your life?" she said placing her hand on top of mine.
"I'm not avoiding reality, Reagan," I said defensively.
"Oh really, then why are you trying so hard to cover up all of your feelings? Kayla, I know that you don't love Zack. Why are you lying to yourself?"
"I'm not lying to myself. We are going to have a happy life together."
"You are not going to be happy. You are going to be miserable, and you know it. You could never be happy with someone like Zack. Why don't you call it off?"
My eyes wide with question, "Why on earth would I want to call off my own wedding?"
"Maybe because you are in love with someone else."
"I'm not in love with anyone but my future husband. I don't love him." I told her matter-of-factly.
"You don't love who?" She asked
"What?"
"You don't love who?" reminding me of her question. "I want to know who don't you love, Kayla? You know that it will do you absolutely no good to lie to me, so you might as well tell me the truth."
I looked down at my hands. I knew what she was asking. She wanted me to tell her that I loved Zack. That I didn't love John, but I couldn't and she knew it. "Kayla, why are you doing this to yourself? Why don't you tell John how you feel?"
A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye, "It won't do either of us any good. We won't ever be together."
"Why not? You are both crazy about each other. You have just been torturing yourself for years. He has too." I didn't say anything, just continued to stare at my hands. "Kayla, tell John that you love him."
"I can't," I whispered
"In the twenty-five years that I have known you, I have never heard you say those words. I always thought that you could do anything."
Angry with Reagan, but mostly angry at myself, I snapped, "Well, I can't do this. Despite what you or anyone else thinks I am doing this for John. So he will be happy."
"Do you think he will ever be happy without you?"
"You have seen us, we fight all the time. I could never make him happy. Never give him...." I trailed off not wanting to finish that thought.
"Never give him what? A child? Is that what you think, that John would never be happy with you without a baby?"
I thought that I could literally feel my heart breaking. "He wants children, and I will never be able to give him that. He needs someone that...."
"What he needs is you. So your not perfect, you have a flaw. You're human, and John loves you despite that. You may not can have children but there is always adoption. Kayla, there are so many possibilities, don't throw your happiness along with John's away so fast. Think about what you're doing."
"I have thought about it, Reagan. What if we got married on the hopes that all this new technology give help me a chance to have a child, and it doesn't work out. I would live the rest of my life with John always longing for something he could never have. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't have children, John hasn't, and should never have to," I said drying up my tears. "Zack and I are perfect for each other. He doesn't want children. We both have a career that works well together. We will be happy."
"But will you love him?" Reagan asked in a small voice.
"I need to get back to the office. I will call you when you need to be fitted for your dress," I said leaving as fast as I could.
-31-
The wedding was two and a half months away. Reagan was sitting in her office starring at the invitation that had arrived in the mail yesterday. What am I going to do? She doesn't love Zack. She loves John, and he loves her. I just can't watch her throw her chance for happiness away. I have to do something, but what? Then it hit her. Reagan jumped up and grabbed her coat. "Mary, I'm leaving for the day. Please tell Kayla that I will call her later," she told their secretary as she was heading out the door.
"Reagan, what are you doing here?" Robby asked Reagan as he opened up his door to find her standing before him.
"Can I come in? I need to talk to you."
"Sure, come on in." Robby said opening the door wider. "What's this about?"
"Kayla"
"Is she ok?"
Taking off her coat, Reagan said, "Well, that depends on how you look at it. I guess you got your invitation to the wedding?"
Picking it up off the coffee table and showing her he said, "Yep"
"Ok, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Kayla loves John, but she won't tell him because she is afraid that he won't love her because she can't have children." She got it all out in one breath.
"Funny, because, John is already in love with Kayla. He just won't tell her because he thinks she will be happier with someone like Zack."
"So what are we going to do about this predicament?"
"Why don't you just tell Kayla that John loves her."
"No, she isn't going to believe it coming from me. It's going to have to come from John."
"Well, that's never going to happen. He is very stubborn when it comes to Kayla, he always has been."
"I know, but there has to be something we can do." Reagan said
"What can we do? They are adults, we can't make them do anything," Robby said scratching his head.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Reagan said with a mischievous smile spreading across her face.
-32-
"Wedding dress, tuxedoes, cake, flowers,..."
"Are you talking to yourself?" Reagan asked as she walking into my office.
"No, I was just running over my list for the wedding. Wanted to make sure that I haven't forgotten anything." I told he walking around my desk to put the last of my files in the filing cabinet. "The wedding is only two months away and I'm about ready to pull my hair out."
"Well, I may have a solution for you. I was thinking we could take a small vacation. You know our one last trip together before you get married."
"I would love that. I really would, but I don't think I'm going to have time. I have so much left to finish and work..."
"Work can wait. You are getting married. You are never going to be single again. We need this one last trip together. It will help you relax before your big day. You don't want to walk down the isle with huge circles under your eyes do you?"
I smiled at Reagan. "Where did you have in mind?"
"A friend of mine has a cabin up state. Very remote, no one around for miles. This time of year it will be snowing. We could ski, and sit by the fire reminiscing about old time."
"When do we leave?"
"We'll leave Friday morning. Sound all right?" Reagan asked
"It sounds perfect." Reagan got up to leave but I stopped her, "Reagan, thank you for this, for being my friend. I know you don't think what I am doing is right, but it means the world to me that you are willing to stand by me despite our difference of opinion. "
Reagan swallowed hard. "What are friends for?" said with a small pang of guilt
"I am really looking forward to this weekend," I told Reagan, "I know we'll have fun."
"I promise that it will be a weekend you will never forget."
Robby and John sat across from each other in Breakdown. It had been so long since they had come here. The last time he was here was with Kayla. That was the night... He didn't want to think about that night, or the night on the beach. He had received a innvation to Kayla's wedding. Even after know that she wntd him that night on the beach she was still going to marry Zack. John was glad when Robby started talking.
"Man, I've been thinking. You have been pretty stressed out lately with the legal troubles, and writing for the next album. I was thinking that maybe we could get a way for a while. Give us a chance to clear our heads."
"What's brought this on?" John asked.
"Well, you said the other day that you couldn't seem to write anything with all this crap in your head. I thought this might help you get rid of some of it.".
"Where would we go?"
"Reagan told me about a friend of hers that has a cabin in the mountains. We could go skiing. It would be like when we lived in Buffalo."
"Don't get many Buffalo winter's around here do we?"
"No, we don't." Robby agreed. "This trip is just what we need to help us unwind and relax. Come say you will go, because I really want to" Robby said like a child begging for a new toy.
John couldn't resist that look, "When do we leave?"
"Friday" Robby told him with a smile.
~ Home ~ John ~ Robby ~ Mike ~ Pictures ~ Story ~
~ Email Me ~ Sign My Guestbook ~ View My Guestbook ~
Visitors Since May 13, 2000
