My Life.....

   Nah. Its no use blabbering on about my damned ideas. I've bored you people enough with this crap. Now allow me to bore you even more by taking you on a journey of my life. This may cause you to doze off in front of your pc. So don't read on unless you are hell-bent on knowing about me. Its not short. At no point of time am I claiming something like that. Its not possible to cover these 19 years in a few KBs but I'm trying my best to be elaborate and not miss any important incidents of my life. If any of my friends feel that I've left out any important events they can leave a line about it in my guestbook or, for the time-being, mail them to me at [email protected]. On purpose I'll be withholding the names of some persons because I won't want them to get into any sort of unwanted trouble because of me.

   I was born on the 17th of October, 1985 in Kolkata, India. At least my parents say that and as I have no immediate means of checking this bit of information, let me continue with it for the time being. I again take my parents' and relatives' words that I was quite a mischievous little imp. But I won't dare contradict them as I can still recollect some glimpses of my childhood deeds which would give anyone the creeps.

  I learnt to talk at a very early age and was admitted to 'Sushikshan Montessory School'. Slowly but steadily I was growing up in an atmosphere ruled entirely by me-a world in which I was the God and others, especially my cousin-brother who was just a year and a half younger than me, were petty folks at my mercy (or so I thought). Sadly that dominant nature has managed to stay rooted in my character though, I must admit, that of late it has become a bit dormant.

   When I was three and a half years old my parents admitted me to 'South Point High School'. According to me it was the greatest boon in my life. SPHS is one of the best schools in India (or so the school newsletters used to remind us every month). It's really big with 16 sections in 2 shifts per class. I still remember the day the God (read: me) found himself surrounded by mean classrooms and meaner teachers. In short, school to me was like an alien planet where the order of the day was 'Survival of the Fittest'. Days passed and I started making more and more new friends. My friends liked me. They had to because all along I was a sort of a bully always fighting with other people and beating them up for no fault of their's (which, unfortunately, I took a little too much time to realize) and towing the lines as often as possible. Rules were for the common people. I was different. I always used to think myself as a cut above the rest. However, in spite of all this, I made some very good friends though none of them went the distance. As the rule goes, with time I mellowed down a lot. I had to because of stiff competition from other hooligans like me.

   Girls were one of the many things which used to turn my head around. Every day you would hear me falling in 'love' with a new girl. I wasn't a very bright student and even to date remain pretty average as far as studies are concerned. Mugging up History notes were not my forte after all. Physics was my favourite subject.

Unfortunately friends are something I still can't boast of. I've millions of acquaintances but I choose my 'friends' with great care. I would be happy with no less than the very best, however whacky they are. Even today I have this habit of choosing friends. Some say that I am a snob but I know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone whom I once took to be an extremely trustworthy friend.

   Class 7 was important for me. I had my 'upanayan' or investiture with the sacred thread which is a privilege of the 'Bramhan'-s. If you are not a Hindu then I can't elaborate what it is. You can Google if you want to know more about it. All I can say is that it took me spiritually closer to the Almighty. Its a wonderful feeling when for the first time in your life you feel the nine cotton strings across your neck. You can almost feel the power of the Universe inside your self.

   It was just after I gave the class 7 annual exams that I got my first computer. It was a P-II 356 Mhz machine but at that time that was more than enough for me. I was immediately hooked on to the world of computer games and the internet. My moral downfall followed. It always happens when you are adolescent and pornography seems to be the most beautiful thing on earth. But still the early exposure coupled with this stern test to my character (which I passed quite satisfactorily, if not with flying colours) helped shape me up a lot. I now understand how much they indirectly helped me build up my moral strengths by virtue of which even in today's world of sin, I've been able to stick to the path of Truth and not turn out to be sex-maniacs as some of my friends are.

   Class 8 was when I met Alim, Ramashis, Arijit and Arpan-three guys who have stayed beside me all these years. They have been my best friends and they are the one's who have held my hand in my journey. Me, Alim and Rama together started a sort of a virtual community for our friends. It was called the 'GoForFriends Intranet'. But it lasted for about a couple of months only. Now when I look back, I realize that perhaps the idea was a bit too ahead of its age. We live in India and at that time very few people had computers in their homes, let alone a net-connection.

   My board exam (Classes 10 and 12) were quite good and after Class 12 I got admitted to Jadavpur University, one of the best engineering institutes in India, in the Electrical Engineering Department.

   Romance was in the air all this while. I was a compulsive flirt who used to think that Love was the most beautiful feeling in this world. However by the time I had finished my high school many of my friends had got 'engaged' but after two failed relationships (both ending in a lot of tears and curses aimed at me, and rightly so) I seemed to have lost interest in love. I became a lot more quiet and maybe 'a bit too mature for my age' or so some of my well-wishers used to say. I became deeply interested in spirituality, and ironically, it was my belief in God which eventually pulled me out of this self-dug hole.

   It was on 7th January, 2005 that me and Ramashis started FriendzForLife. It was basically a continuation of GoForFriends but times change. And FFL (as we fondly call it) turned out to be a success. I became too busy with it and it began to reflect on my studies.

   Now we (at least me) didn't start FFL to make new friends. Because as I've already said, friendship doesn't hold much significance for me. As a matter of fact no relationship does do. I was in the management only because I was planning to move into bigger areas and this was just a stepping stone. Me and Rama wanted to start our own company. We even thought out a name for it-'iNNOVISIONZ', short for innovative visions. We wanted to have separate hardware and web-designing wings headed by Rama and me respectively and even roped in a few computer enthusiasts for the project. I don't know what Rama felt for FFL but I merely did the administration part only because it will build up my communication skills. I was the most frequent poster but I never was in true love with the idea when it started.

   But times change. FFL not only taught me how to interact with people under your leadership but also how to love others, how to help others, how to feel for others. It taught me to be patient, to be forgiving and compassionate. It gave me so much unasked. For the first time in my life people were loving me, they were respecting me, they had begun to trust me. And this was because for the first time in my life I was coming out into the world and freely interacting with people in such close proximity. And I started calling them my friends. I was addicted to FFL. But I knew one thing for sure- Everything that has a beginning must have an end (-The Matrix Trilogy). I didn't want to get emotionally attached to anything, even if its not human.

   I don't know how but suddenly I lost all interest in the opposite sex. I started liking to spend time all alone in my room and even wrote quite a few couplets which, according to me, were nothing short of crap. However, I suddenly started liking a girl I hardly knew (sorry I can't make her name public). My friends kept saying that it was just a crush and would wear out with time. But I had to differ. I had never felt like this before. Being in these sort of relationships wasn't new for me but I could tell that this time it was a bit different. Life became stagnant for me and pessimist thoughts filled my mind. But I'm no ordinary person. We always turn out to be what we choose to be, what we want to be. And I wanted to be nothing but the very best. Life is not a bed of roses. Its a bloody battlefield. I couldn't wither away just like that in it. I had to bounce back.

   I put the damned girl out of my mind. Can't say that I succeeded though. Maybe that was because for the first time in my life I didn't want to succeed.

...to be continued as I move ahead in life