A Mid-Winter Night's Reality
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Slowly she was creeping up towards me. I could feel her
hair in my eyes. I couldn't see her for I had kept my eyes shut for reasons
unknown. I didn't know who she was. I didn't know what she wanted from me. I
didn't know what I wanted from her. I didn't know anything. And I couldn't care
less about this. All I could do was feel the freshness of her breath as she drew
closer to me, her eyelids brushing my cheeks as she slowly ran her fingers
through my hair. I felt her lips touch mine and a loud ring filled my ears.
I opened my eyes. The light from the street lamps had
flooded the salmon coloured walls of my small room. I had forgotten to draw the
curtains. I had even forgotten to undress. I was in my shirt and trousers with
my big dirty boots on. It would have been the end for me if Ma had seen this.
Amazing what a few drops of alcohol can do to you.
My cell phone was ringing beside me. "Sweet Child o'
Mine", it sang. Rather rang. I straightened my spects and looked at the clock
hanging on the wall above my table. It was 1 a.m. Who would call me at this
hour? I had taken a week off from my office. Boss wasn't very pleased when he
saw my application. But he understood. I needed the leave more than he needed me
at my desk.
I picked up my phone. It won't be wise to let it ring
any further. I could already hear Ma stirring in the next room. I looked at the
number. I couldn't recognize it. It was from some mobile in Kolkata but the
number was unknown. |
I pressed the 'talk'
button.
"Hello"
"Hello", was the
hesitated reply from the other end. "Is this Sumit", it continued.
"Yes. Who are you?"
"This is Rahul.
Remember Me?"
"Rahul?.....Rahul
Sanyal?"
"Its strange that you
recognized me at one go."
"Hey, you must be
kidding. How are you? Long time yaar."
"Long time", was the
brief reply followed by an uncomfortable pause at both ends.
"Listen There's
something important I need to tell you."
"What's the matter
buddy? I've never seen you this serious before. Anything wrong?"
"Sulogno called."
"That bloody bustard",
I felt my voice rising. "Where the hell was he when we were searching all
corners of the city for him?"
"Relax Sumit", he
said, "His father had got transferred to Sikkim".
"At least he could
have let us know before he went, "It would have saved a lot of our energy we
spent searching for him".
"It doesn't matter
now. He is back in Kolkata."
"Oh. So now he needs
us, right?"
"Its not that. He is
leaving for the States tomorrow noon. And he wants us to go to his place as
early as we can tomorrow."
"Oh. It was he who
went away. It was he who didn't bother to contact us. He didn't even bother
to call me up now that he is here. He didn't even ask me personally to come
to his place. He asked you to invite me. He may be lucky enough to go to the
States but even I have some self-respect. I am a proud man and I think you
know that as well as I do."
"Yes. It has always
been your pride. Your self-respect. Your own God-damned ego. Others don't
have the right to have their own problems. That's what you feel, isn't it?"
"Now Rahul, don't
start this all over again. I have enough on my plate without these extra
helpings from you at this time of the night."
"Even I don't have
have time for all this. And Sulogno has even less of it."
Although I could sense
that Rahul wasn't in the best of spirits, this was the first time his voice
quivered and that was enough for me to realize that something was just not right
in this. Rahul isn't the sort of person who would call me up at the dead of the
night and give me lectures on my ego or whatever. I had known him for all my
childhood. I knew him like the back of my hand.
"Is anything wrong
Rahul?", I asked, not being able to mask the concern that had crept up
inside me.
"No. Nothing. Nothing
at all. You just call up Sulogno. I think that's the best you can do right
now."
His voice had begun to
tremble like never before. I could sense that he was desperately trying to
hold back something.
"Rahul. Lets get this
straight. What's with Sulogno? What has happened to him? Is he all right?"
A long silence followed. Then came a bout of hysterical
sobs from the other side. Rahul was crying uncontrollably. He has always been an
exceptionally sensitive person but I've never seen him crying in public.
I waited for him to
regain himself.
"Rahul what is it?"
His composure was
passé. He was desperately trying to regain himself. After a minute or so he
again stopped crying. He could utter only a few words before his tears
overcame him again but those few words were enough to make my hands and feet
go cold.
"He has got blood cancer."
My whole body become numb as the Truth began to sink in.
It may have been seconds before either of us could speak again but it felt like
hours to me. There was a prolonged silence on both ends- the most uncomfortable
silence of my whole life as the full significance of the statement slowly dawned
before my weary eyes.
I was the first to
recover.
"How much chance has
he got?"
"Don't you have a
heart Sumit?"
"Let's face it Rahul.
Tell me. What did he said to you?"
"It's in a very
advanced stage. He has had it for two years now. His doctor says that the
only chance for him is to go to the States."
"Should I call him up
this late?", I asked.
"He wants you to. Now
it's up to you."
I was worried about Rahul more than I was worrying about
Sulogno. Rahul isn't the sort of person who would take this in his stride. Life
has been kind towards him. He has not had to go through what I had to. I was an
old war-horse while he was still a fragile child.
"Rahul, I know this is difficult but try to get some
sleep. We'll go to Sulogno's house at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I'll pick you up."
Rahul didn't say anything. After giving me Sulogno's
cell number he just hung up leaving me stone-faced in the dark gloominess of the
night.
I dialed Sulogno's number. The phone rang twice. But I
couldn't do it. My hand trembled and I hung up. No. I couldn't break down
talking to Sulogno. It had always been me in our trio who had been the most calm
and composed in every demanding situation that we had gone through in our teens.
I opened my window. At once the room became filled with
the sounds of the cars speeding through the E.M. Bypass. A blast of cold air
entered the room and ruffled my hair. I lit a cigarette and stared out of the
window into the road below. The lorries were speeding down the road. The cars
were blowing their horns as loudly as they could. None of the drivers had any
idea that here was a strapping young lad, somewhere in Kolkata, who was waiting
for Death to take him into her arms, who could hear the sound of her anklets
getting closer and closer as everything gradually dimmed before his eyes.
It was like a flash-back like some crap Hindi movie. I
could see Sulogno before my eyes playing cricket with me and Rahul. Here he was
wielding my old bat in our garrage and sending all my balls crashing into the
gates- our makeshift boundary line while Rahul was standing as the helpless
wicket-keeper. Sulogno was an exceptional batsman. But he could never justify
his talent. His parents wanted him to study hard but his mind was always into
cricket. As a result a few years later he turned out to be a below mediocre
student and a good gali cricketer with no formal coaching.
He was the most daring among us. He would be always
climbing up tries to retrieve balls from the nearby compounds with me
giving him my invaluable suggestions and directions and Rahul standing by my
side with fear in his face. We always used to laugh at him.
Once we had a chappal fight at my maternal
grandfather's place. Me and Sulogno were standing on either side of the bed
throwing our chappals at each other. The walls bore their mark for a very
long time. A blast of a time we used to have together in those days. There was
absolutely no worry whatsoever in this world for us. We were young and reckless.
We needed to unwind.
Rahul was damn serious about his romantic affairs. He
had numerous break-ups, most of them thanks to me, but he used to get more
involved in the next relationship than he was in the previous one. Sulogno was
indifferent to girls while I believed- the more, the better. And
now Rahul is married with two kids and here I am, recently refused by the only
girl I've ever felt for. Sulogno always used to say that its a crime to get
married. And the look Rahul used to give him whenever he used to say this in
front of him. I loved to see them fighting over this while I would just sit idly
and throw in my array of invaluable comments, suggestions and advices from time
to time. Those were the best days of my life.
And then just after our Higher Secondary Exams, Sulogno
shifted to a new home. The distance between our homes began to be manifested in
our relationship too. It happens. You can't really maintain relations over the
phone. At least I found it difficult. Rahul however used to keep in touch with
him and it was mainly through Rahul that the two of us were knowing what the
other one was up to.
Suddenly Rahul called me up one day and said that he
wasn't being able to contact Sulogno for the past two months. I at once rushed
to the address that he had last given us. But the house had now been rented to
another person who did say that his father had been transferred but couldn't say
exactly where he had gone. Other people in the locality also couldn't throw any
more light. Even his landlord didn't know his whereabouts. He just seemed to
have vanished into thin air. We tried to track down his relatives but couldn't
find any them.
All this was in the final year of my four year B.E.
course. It took me only a few months to divert my mind from all this. I joined a
MNC for quite a handsome salary. I lost all contact with my old friends. Even
with Rahul. I went to his wedding three years back but that was the last I had
heard from him before tonight. And what a reunion it has been!
I had come back from my fantasy land. Duty beckoned and
I woke up from my trance. In my left hand was a cigarette butt, with a small
heap of them in the ash-tray on the window-seal. In my other hand I had my
mobile, with Sulogno's number ready to be dialed. I couldn't shun away from this
any longer. I knew what I had to do. I had to call him up. This might well be my
last chance to talk to him. And tomorrow may well be my last chance to meet him.