POISON KANDIE
(Stories)
Daily Routine
By: THIRTEENTWO
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Sweet and Sour KandieBook View/ Sign Home
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Before the sun rises and the roosters sing, my alarm wakes me. I thought early mornings were only for school kids. This is what I was looking forward to? Being an adult? Responsibilities? If maybe I'm crazy now, I can't help but wonder what the hell I was then. The turn off the alarm and lay in bed watching the dark. I never fall back asleep. I can't. When I'm up, I'm up. I wait for something to happen but it never does. Sadness always creeps in now. It's my routine. I think about suicide. About crawling in the shower with something electric. About cutting myself open and just draining to away. What would a bullet feel like? Would I even know I died if I took so many pills I fell asleep and never woke up? I think about these things, though I would never admit them. My private morning thoughts. I crawl out of bed and get my shower when I'm good and depressed. I show up to work on time. I work hard, do a good job and I come home. I eat right, exorcise regularly, and brush my teeth daily. I am a good citizen. But I can't help but wonder. Is this all there is to life? The daily routine. Nothing great, nothing terrible, just the same thing. Is mine so different from anybody else's? I have to think about that for a while. This is what I think about at night while I search out the sandman and his magical dust. I watch the dark again and wonder about other people. Do they think about the same things as me? Am I different or all the same? I know there are people with happy lives. They get what they want. They achieve goals and enjoy lives full of wonderful things. But is their life so different from mine? Their routine might be more exciting, more pleasing, but it's still S.S.D.D. There are people who would kill for my problems. They know about suffering. But is their pain any greater than mine? Is their life so different? It's their routine. It's their life. For better or worse, this is mine. Paying bills. Doing my job. And watching the dark. |
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