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Close
A tear
The pain
Pain my senses can't bring to comprehend
Pain I won't -- can't -- let myself forget
Etched on your expression with equal
Sorrow.
I press your soft form against mine
Holding something that will soon be
just a shell
You'll leave, you'll leave
Long before I let you
Mercilessly forced out and in of your body
The nerve-wracking breaths of
hurt
out out, out in
the only movement I feel
Only indication you're still
With me.
My eyes are blurry but I fight
Just like I'm fighting my shoulders
S h a k i n g
just like I'm fighting
not to let you go.
We were supposed to have
some kind of future
Of playful fun
Of silent understanding
Of many evenings holding you close
You're going, going
It's too fast
painfully slow
You're fighting too but
I know you have to let go.
My fingers grasp you tight
tickle you gently
You try to say something - you can't
Maybe that tickle hurt you
I don't know what does anymore --
can't see anything beyond your tears
I hope --
Bite my lip and hope hard
That you know you mean something to me.
To make me go through this pain
Variations of it day by day, for so long
And yet it can't possibly compare to yours
You let go first
Then I will.
---
Note: Originally written March 12 02. Edited and completed on June 16 02. I
wrote about the last time I was forced to recollect my shattered self and piece me
together again with what I still think is the hardest of glue. My cats were poisoned
almost consecutively in a span of a month by my neighbours.
This poem is for all of my cats, particularly Quasee, who died then when I was right there
with him.