September 21, 2002
the lovefool blues
Listening to: John Mayer - St Patrick's Day
Reading: the dictionary
Yesterday someone called me up and told me
that I’d won Norah Jones's CD. The first prize was an all-expense paid trip to
Singapore to see her perform live. If you didn’t win that, then there were 10
autographed CDs and 20 without. I won the CD without an autograph on it, but I was still
really happy.
That’s probably because I’m an optimist.
I have a contest addiction. I love receiving something in the mail long after you’ve forgotten that you tried to win it. I’ve won a few of the contests too, but I can’t really recall everything I’ve won so far… I do remember that among them were Fatboy Slim’s Halfway Between The Gutter and The Stars CD, Bond’s autographed Born CD, and two 311 singles.
So… it’s a Saturday night and I’ve nowhere to go, a lot of study-work (which naturally I’ll put off till tomorrow), and there’s nothing good to read or on the telly. I took what had to be the best shower I’ve had this month just now, and spent forty five minutes with moisturising cream afterwards. I even mastered what I felt was the best foot massage I could ever administer.
This is the kind of night when I wish I had someone, and if I had, he’d naturally miss me to death and call me up to talk till early into the morning, and later take me out to buy much-needed frappucinos in Starbucks. The lights in my room would be off, and in the dark I’d be curled up under my duvet with a smile he couldn’t see, maybe say a few things that’d make him laugh out loud, and he’d do the same. We’d talk dirty. We’d talk nice. We’d talk about memories, inadvertently slipping into a few hours of soulful depth. We’d probably even talk mushy, which I find highly unlikely, but a very amusing prospect.
I know what you’re thinking. And
it’s true too. I can’t bring myself to do anything else but day-- nightdream
myself silly. I’m actually expressing a moment of romantic desperation that I
wouldn’t want to show anywhere else. And right now, the lights in my room are on,
I’m in my pyjamas, I’m lacking coffee, I can’t seem to write anything
solid.
I’m distracted tonight. It took one guy, months ago, to turn me on to all this and
now that it’s ended between us that part of me hasn’t flipped the switch yet. I
miss kissing, and being kissed, all that physical intimacy. Emotional bonding. It’s
not even sexually-related… it’s just that kind of sincere long-term romance, in
that seemingly-unspectacular kind of guy. But after looking around me for so long, I think
that both of those things are diamonds in the rough here.