“Can I take global warming as my 5-point Enemy?”
“Naming somebody Vicious is really just asking for trouble. Then again, so is naming somebody Knives.”
“You’re going around, you’re doing your thing, you eat a lot of donuts. People shoot at you and you run away. It’s the story of your life.”
What Gendo Ikari is REALLY saying when he folds his hands
in front of his mouth:
“Hee hee hee. My son really sucks. Hee hee hee. Well, back to being secretive.”
“Washu, you’re the greatest!”
“I know.”
“You notice that Mihoshi looks a lot less two-dimensional today…”
“Oh no! I’m not subtitled anymore!”
“Too bad you took the background: Dirt Poor 5.”
“Tokyo hasn’t changed that much, other than suddenly becoming three-dimensional.”
“I’ve decided that the bounty hunters pose a more immediate danger to me than the giant robot stomping Tokyo…”
“Heh. You just said ‘assume the position.’”
“What’s your name?”
“Um…Vash.”
“Do you have a last name?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What about ‘the Stampede?’”
“That’s not a last name.”
“Fine, then, do you have a suffix?”
“Kenshin speaks very proper, that he does.”
“Jeez! We’re sweat-dropping all over the place!”
“I need a last name like it’s my job.”
“Hey! Why didn’t she ask for his last name?”
“She doesn’t want to know! She heard ‘the Stampede’ and she just gave up!”
“From the looks of your calculations, you’re screwed!”
“…Because you never walk to school in anime. You just show up.”
“Dudes! Look! It’s the Sub-Par Dino Eva Units!”
“It goes: villain, villain, villain, villain, Mihoshi, lots of Angels.”
“I keep bread in the fridge. It’s Japan!”
“I have a hand growing out of my head. It’s Japan!”
“Is it blue?”
“Yes.”
“I shoot it.”
“This just wasn’t Property Damage until someone mistook a Pokemon for an Angel and dropped a nuclear warhead on it.”
“It’s for the bounty! Gotta catch ‘em all!”
“There is nothing more pure and cruel than a Pokemon.”
“Hmm. Do I want to shoot Ash in the head, or net the Pokemon?”
“Split your dice pool!”
“Good plan.”
“I should just go back to playing angsty, pussy-ass computer nerds, shouldn’t I?”
“Apparently, Ash went through the Evil Machine on his way here.”
“C’mon, Kenshin! Kick some ass…in a non-lethal sense, of course.”
“The first rule of Property Damage is you do not talk about Property Damage!”
“…I was like, ‘Master, here’s another nasty idea!’ and she was like, ‘Good little naked gremlin boy!’”
“I don’t know anything about Slayers, so I’ll say you’re sitting there doing your large-breasted shit…”
“Fine, you’re small-breasted. You slut.”
“I’m sorry. Because I don’t know anything about Japan, it’s exactly like America.”
“Guns don’t kill people! Bullets kill people!”
“So you’re saying her boobs are, like, concave?”
“Does it sound like arguing children?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m not going out there.”
“Keep in mind that this kid has goggles.”
“So much for saving people’s lives. Too bad you’re Shinji. Ha ha, sucker.”
“You’re like, ‘Go, demon in pain! Go, demon killing the other demon!’”
“So here’s the Evangelion going stabby-stabby…”
“Noel, you’re so tasteless. It’s something I admire about you.”
“First contact with an Angel! Too bad our ambassador for humanity is Ed.”
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: If evolving to a higher plane of existence involves melting into a puddle of orange goo, do not sign me up.”
“Spike, don’t hurt the big green monster!”
“Why?”
“Because it’s nice!”
(Pause.)
“Omigod. Ed has become Marta.”
“I’ll give you a dollar to eat the Angel!”
“No, Shinji, that’s your job when you berserk for the third time.”
“Yeah, so give yourself a dollar and wait for episode 17.”
“Lina’s in pose space…getting drunk!”
“Man, woman, demon, or cabbit, it doesn’t matter. She’ll do them all.”
“She’s having her own private hentai in pose space?”
“Vash, they’re pushing you to the side and saying, ‘Please step away, ma’am. I mean, sir.’”
“Yeah, we have only the best at NERV.”
“Oh no. I forgot the Angels were actually humans.”
“Yeah, and you just killed one, you lifesaver!”
“Here, would you like some soup?”
“What else do you know about bounty?”
“It makes clothes nice.”
“You guys do realize you just said ‘Vash,’ like, five feet away from my Big Nasty?”
“But he’s not even your Big Nasty! He’s your Big Nasty’s second-in-command!”
“AND THAT’S WHAT’S SCARY!”
“Oh yeah. Faye is practically dry-humping him.”
“Ick, scary thought. Faye and Legato.”
“No, I think it would work out! He wouldn’t be able to control her mind because she doesn’t have one!”
“…And then I make some instant ramen, so I can scream into it.”
“This relatively beautiful woman comes in. She looks a little drunk. She looks a little wet.”
“I just have to convince Ed that I’m not a horrible person. Well, first I have to convince myself that I’m not a horrible person. Hence the screaming into the soup.”
“Well, eventually your soup is full of screaming…”
“Lina, you eat dog food. You feel full and happy. Washu, you feel like shit. If you’d like to feed your spaceship…”
“Feed it a Paradox carrot! It’s like Tass, only it’s Paradox!”
“Yay, Pinnochio, you’re going to be a real boy! Only you won’t be, because you’re actually Piddochio!”
“Instead of keeping quotes you should just write, ‘We played Property Damage.’”
“Tokyo: where everybody knows your name.”
“We’ll pay you if you pilot the Eva, Ed. We’ll pay you in FLAMING HOT DEATH!”
“We’ve got sticky like Gendo Ikari’s hands, baby!”
“I’m sorry. One of my arms is evil.”
“Who said you could Storytell the actions of my dick?”
“Alone with Asuka, eh?”
“Shh! Don’t mention the A-word!”
“Wow, Misato has the 5-point Slut merit!”
“One of my lessons is, ‘Woohoo! Women!’”
“It was strange…I started working on my latest scientific project, and all of a sudden I got sick.”
“That’s funny. I got sick when I did magic.”
“Hmm…step into my lab.”
“Wait a minute. You don’t have a lab.”
“Well…not yet!”
“Are you gonna get us some money, Ed?”
“No, she’ll get you more FLAMING HOT DEATH!”
“I get to talk with more big things with faces!”
“I have to go water my bonsai trees. Oh, wait, that sounded dirty.”
“Do you know I’ve already been through college? I even know about thermal expansion!”
“I’m going to take this opportunity to get my blood sample while he’s entranced by my panties.”
“That’s it. I’m getting out of there, panties or no panties.”
“What’s a dollar?”
“Half a double dollar?”
“Why does it smell like blood in here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s your dog.”
“You’re going to save the world, Ed. You need to have a gun.”
“I don’t think Ed is mentally stable. She’s worse than Asuka.”
“If Evas aren’t berserking, it’s a good day.”
“Tell her where you’re staying!”
“No! No Mihoshi on the Bebop!”
“Actually, I think it’s more like, no Legato on the Bebop…”
“Pets don’t go in the refrigerator!”
“Pets go in the pet hole!”
“Lost technology!”
“Yeah, in the form of a cabbit.”
“Reasoning with Ed is the bane of this game’s existence.”
“I excuse myself from the table and go get my flamethrower.”
What’s Up With This Game?:
The Property Damage campaign is the result of one too many late nights watching anime and one too many half-serious attempts at statting our favorite characters using the World of Darkness system. Now, this game gives us an intermittent excuse to procrastinate by potraying our favorite anime characters after a freak accident strands them and a wide array of evil villainous types in the real world. Silly? Yes. Grotesquely overpowered? You know it. Lots of fun? Absolutely.
The Characters and Players:
Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, 13-year-old genius computer hacker and soon-to-be Evangelion pilot. Previously seen in Cowboy Bebop. Played by Nikki.
Kenshin Himura, angst-ridden pacifist and wandering samurai of the Hiten Mitsurugi school. Previously seen in Ruroni Kenshin. Pet NPC of Missy, the Storyteller.
Lina Inverse, incredibly talented, if somewhat hot-tempered, sorceress. Previously seen in Slayers. Played by Jenny.
Shinji Ikari, 14-year-old Eva pilot and whiny little bitch. Previously seen in Neon Genesis Evangelion. Played by Iain.
Spike Spiegel, devilishly charming bounty hunter and martial artist. Previously seen in Cowboy Bebop. Played by Noel.
Vash the Stampede, angst-ridden pacifist (sensing a pattern?), wandering outlaw, and tremendous dork. Previously seen in Trigun. Played by Beth.
Washu Hakubi, the greatest scientific genius in the universe. Previously seen in Tenchi Muyo. Played by Anne.
Current Property Damage Tallies:
Shinji: Many, many office buildings. Also partially responsible for an N-2 mine being dropped on Pikachu.
Washu: Front bumper of the Bebop (with Ryo-ohki).
Kenshin: 1 tree.
Current Kills:
Vash: 1 Angel.
Current Sexual Conquests:
Spike: Misato.
Plot Summaries: Episode 1 – Episode 2 – Episode 3 (coming soon)