~You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU!
~You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
~You placed the refrigerator beside your computer...or put it in the bathroom.
~You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
~Tech support calls YOU for help.
~You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
~You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
~You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
~You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
~You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
~You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
~You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
~You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
~You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
~You say......."Where did the time go??"
~You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
~You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
~You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
~You need to be pried from your computer by the jaws-of-life.
~Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this.... "BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL...ASAP".
~You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ****kisses*****.
~Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
~You're on the phone and say "BRB".
~Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood-shot eyes.
~You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
~The only jokes you receive are through email.
~Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
~You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
~You have more friends on the internet than in real life.
~Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
~Your four basic food groups are:
1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
~You try to enter your password on the microwave.
~You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
~You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
~You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a Web page.
~Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
17 beauty myths
1. You should brush your hair a hundred times a day.
2. Eating chocolate and French fries causes zits.
3. Drink a spoonful of extra virgin olive oil every morning for smooth, even skin.
4. Cut your hair during a full moon so it grows stronger.
5. Pluck one gray hair, and two will grow back.
6. Spit three times into the bath water to make yourself beautiful.
7. Don't make a face in the morning -- if a rooster crows your face will freeze that way.
8. Tight hats can make your hair fall out.
9. Clean hair should squeak.
10. You can shrink the pores on your face.
11. If you shave your legs or bikini line, the hair will grow in blacker.
12. Dry skin causes wrinkles.
13. Earrings stretch your lobes out.
14. Dandruff is caused by your scalp being too dry.
15. You can prevent split ends by using leave-in conditioner and deep treatments.
16. Rubbing a hickey with a comb will make the love bite go away.
17. Your hair will grow faster if you cut it more often.
17 all-natural beauty secrets
1. Toothpaste will dry up a zit.
2. Dab Visine on a pimple to reduce redness.
3. Put raw meat on your face or body to reduce swelling.
4. Preparation H (hemorrhoid cream) shrinks bags under your eyes.
5. Rinse your hair with beer to make it shiny.
6. Mayonnaise acts as a great deep conditioner!
7. Lemon juice can lighten your hair.
8. Lemon juice is also a great astringent. Swipe a tad over your face and rinse after 5 minutes. No more shiny forehead!
9. Chewing on parsley can give you fresh breath.
10. If your eyes are puffy, try putting tea bags or cucumbers on them.
11. Get rid of product build-up -- massage baking soda into wet hair once a week.
12. Baking soda also works as a teeth whitener.
13. Almond or sesame oil can be used as makeup remover.
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15. If you have oily hair, try rinsing it with a tablespoon of cider vinegar.
16. Chamomile tea can bring out the highlights in blonde hair. Put some in a spritzer bottle.
17. Carrots help you see in the dark.
Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer :One who is paid for sending and receiving such E-mails!
Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
College:A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Office :A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Ecstasy;A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Committee ;Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Politician ;One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile : curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Optimist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY:Diplomat
A person who tells you to go to #### in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
Dictionary:The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
Miser :A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.