By Tony Daniels
Well, that went fairly well.
I�m talking about last month�s lock check, of course. The election was a disaster, I have to say, if only because you people decided you wanted those damn �colonial� lamps. Here�s an idea: the next time you want to feel �colonial,� take a trip to Old Williamsburg. You can spend the day there, or even a weekend. There�s a lot to do there. Then kill yourself.
But back to that door lock thing. Almost all of you remembered to lock your doors, except for two houses, one of which turned out to be mine. I guess that will show me. Luckily I had my house keys on a chain around my neck, so I was able to lock my door. I had to unlock it immediately after to use the bathroom, though, since the last house I was at didn�t have the right kind of toilet paper. 2-ply at least, people. 2-ply at least.
I have some exciting safety news (although really, isn�t all safety news exciting?). On Tuesday, December 12, I�ll be appearing on the local CBS affiliate morning news program, channel 11 I think it is, to talk about winter-related crimes and how you can prevent them. Scarf and glove thefts go up 34 percent every December. Do you know where your argyle scarf is? Not to give too much away, but also be on the lookout for the annual grift known as �Poor Lost, Cold Dog Named Jeremy Whom You Take In and Later Steals Your Wallet and Gives it to an Older, More Streetwise Dog Named Boxer (But Who is Not a Boxer-Type Dog, But Rather a Mutt of Some Kind). It�s more complex than you might imagine. (For starters, his name�s not really Jeremy). The piece will air around 6 am, I�m told, so just remember to watch 11 on 12 at 6.
Tony Daniels
Fighting Spirit...p. 3
Neighborhood Watch...p. 4
Message from the President...FRONT
Pine Oaks Book Club...p. 3
Welcome Wagon...FRONT
This Month in Pine Oaks...FRONT
Young Person's Perspective...p. 5