By Tony Daniels
Boo! I�m just kidding. Tony Daniels here to make sure everyone has a safe and happy Halloween season. Sure, everyone�s heard the old standbys like �wear bright clothing� and �don�t eat apples.� (Is it pears? I think I got a caramel pear one year. It was okay. It�s probably apples.) But despite what the media and cereal boxes tell you, Halloween is no laughing matter. Here are some tips you won�t hear anywhere else:
1.) Not everyone can dress up like a ghost or an angel. If you happen to have a dark-colored costume, wear a sign around your neck that says, �I am trick-or-treating.� That way people know why you�re walking around dressed like Gandalf holding an orange plastic pumpkin.
2.) If you�re out trick-or-treating and you see a stranger on the street, RUN!
3.) Take with you a list of local pedophiles (available on the internet), and avoid those houses. If anyone asks why you�re avoiding them, just say �I don�t accept Krackle from kiddie-touchers.�
4.) Induce vomiting after consuming any and all candy, in order to prevent potential poisoning. If you eat any squirrel nut zippers, this will probably happen anyway.
5.) Carry a knife. You never know when it will come in handy.
6.) If you�re at home on Halloween and a scary monster comes to your door, don�t throw up your hands and let out a bloodcurdling shriek. It�s probably just one of the neighbor kids dressed up for the holiday. Punch him in the face just to be sure.
Fighting Spirit...p. 3
Neighborhood Watch...p. 4
Message from the President...FRONT
Pine Oaks Book Club...p. 3
Welcome Wagon...FRONT
This Month in Pine Oaks...FRONT
Young Person's Perspective...p. 5