By Tony Daniels
Good evening, future safety technicians and safety technicians in training.
Why do I address you as such? First, because I hope it�s the evening where you are. Second, because the Pine Oaks Neighborhood Watch has �Gone Recruitin�.� That�s right, the Neighborhood Watch is looking for a few pretty good men (and women, though they�d have to be pretty butch) to join us in keeping Pine Oaks as safe as we can make it. If any of you good citizens are interested, you can sign up by coming over to my house and signing up on the sign-up sheet. It�s on the end table in the foyer; the one attached to the Dora the Explorer clipboard. Your first test as a potential Neighborhood Watch-person is to get into my house somehow and sign up. If you can do that, then you�re well on your way to becoming an administrator of safety, somehow.
To further help our recruiting efforts, I�m putting together a series of safety information pamphlets to help you, the citizen, be more aware of safety techniques and . The first one I�m publishing, available now, is titled �Keeping Your Home Danger-Free, Or At Least At a Reduced Rate.� It�s all about protecting your home from undesirables as well as desirables. Why desirables, because we desire them so damn much� For instance, did you know that razorwire can be relatively inexpensive when sold in bulk? It�s true. Just ask for the cubic kilometer package at your local merchant marine surplus store or guy with a van. Because safety shouldn�t just be a one-day-a-year obsession.
By Marcus Eddy, Senior Class President
The big news this month is Rt. 237�s Sadie Hawkins dance. Of course, recent legal rulings have made the school change the name, so this year we have the Sadie and Sam Hawkins dance, where the ladies ask the fellas and vice versa. Of course, Sadie Hawkins is based on real, historical cartoon character, whereas Sam Hawkins is made up. But no matter. In conjunction with the dance, the student council will be selling flowers to help raise money. Unfortunately, because the onion sale fared so poorly, we can�t afford to sell roses. Instead, every day during lunch, you�ll be able to choose from the finest selection orange carnations and baby�s breath.
It�s also basketball season, and I�m proud to say our Lady Van Burens are doing us proud. As I write this, they sit with the second-best record in the league and next month will host the Rt. 237 �Hoopin� Around� basketball tournament, or �tourney-ment,� as it�s called. Now that�s what I call �March Mental Illness!�
February is also Black History Month, so remember to honor those African-American heroes from history who are now dead, or the ones from today who are not. Or both.
It�s never too early to think about the yearbook. This year�s theme is �Going Places, Meeting Faces.� I�ve argued countless times that you don�t really meet faces, you meet the people the faces are attached to (hopefully). But apparently, the �powers that are� have decided that because we refer to freshmen as �new faces,� we can refer to people as just, �faces.� But people are more than just faces. They�re arms and legs and elbows and ankles. But we don�t say, �going places, meeting ankles,� now do we?
So remember to buy advertising, or if you�re a graduating senior to submit baby pictures by March 17.
Marcus Eddy, Rt. 237 Senior Class President
Fighting Spirit...p. 3
Neighborhood Watch...p. 3
Message from the President...FRONT
Pine Oaks Book Club...p. 2
Welcome Wagon...FRONT
This Month in Pine Oaks...FRONT
Young Person's Perspective...p. 4