What do you give a sick pig ?
Oinkment !

Why isn't there a Superpig?
It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth!

What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?
Rub him with oinkment!

How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He built hotels on Pork Place.

Where do bad pigs go?
They get sent to the pen.

Where did the piggies study their ABC's?
At a school for higher loining.

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
Garbage collectors.

Teacher: If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs?
Suzy: None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.

Did you hear the joke about the razorback hog?
It's pretty dull.

Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see The Big Apple.

How do they get there?
In pigup trucks.

What are they warned to look out for?
Pigpockets.

Where do pigs meet when they get to New York?
In Central Pork.

Then where do they go?
To Madison Square Garden, but they're always disappointed.

Why are pigs disappointed with Madison Square Garden?
They can never find the vegetables.

Farmer Jones is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal.

ANSWERS THE THREE LITTLE PIGS DIDN'T GIVE THE WOLF:

You've got the wrong house. Red's Grandma lives next door.

Nobody's home. All the little piggies went to market.

Have you cleared this for environmental impact?