- Keep talking about your mommy.
- Lick peoples' faces.
- End each sentence with "so when do we fuck?"
- Talk about your extensive porn video collection.
- Show everyone your track marks.
- Brag about your job at Tim Hortons.
- Talk about your ex-lover's funeral.
- Grab your genitals.
- Grab theirs.
- Yodel in bed.
- Squirt liquids out of your eyes.
- Burn rubber. Burn rubbers.
- Carry a box of Depends.
- Say "I enjoy making speeches during sex."
- Keep saying "I think that would fit up my butt."
- Sing the score to Jesus Christ Superstar.
- Light your head on fire.
- Talk Quebec politics.
- Play the bagpipes.
- Drop your pants and point to your genitals.
- Start your pick-up with "I've been following you."
- Write love letters in blood.
- Carry a teddy bear.
- Grab their face.
- Speak really loudly and keep asking them if they're scared.
- Offer them a toot on your gluebag.
- Talk about Jesus. "I'm not making love to you. Jesus is."
- Tell them about your condom recycling ideas.
- Shout out the name of your last lover...Raoul Cedras, Haitian dictator.
- Ask if you can bring some friends.
- Ask if you can bring your father.
- When they take off their clothes, burst out laughing.
- As soon as you meet say "Commitment or death, it's your choice."
- Ask them to join your suicide pact. "Have you ever had sex while plummeting to the ground in a flaming vehicle?"
- Refuse to wear a condom. "I've never worn a condom and I've had over 100 lovers."
- Scream in pain while urinating.
- Ask "How come sex always ends in death?"
- Tell them you can suck your own member.
- Suck their nose.
- Tell them O.J. is your hero.
- Tell them, "If we're going to have sex I'm going to have to get batteries."
- Whip a gerbil out of your butt. Roll it up and smoke it.
- Get into your Smurf outfit.
- In the middle of sex say "Hey! This is way better than sheep."
- In the middle of sex say "Hey! This is way better than pumpkins."
- Pull your tampon out. Swing it around your head and yell "Your goin' down Goliath!"
- Tell them you starred in a porno movie called "Das Goat."
- Say "I'm doing this because I feel sorry for you."
- Make lists about how not to get laid.
- Forward them to your friends over e-mail.