And it weren't up to me, none of it.
No choice of two roads; if there were,
I don't doubt I'd have chosen both." (150)
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| "I think I had a pretty weird 32 years. And it weren't up to me, none of it. No choice of two roads; if there were, I don't doubt I'd have chosen both." (150) |
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| What makes gender? Is it solely biological, or is mine a biological soul? I have no doubt that being female has shaped who I am, but the question is does being female constitute who I am? In some ways, these male �others� seem entirely foreign to me, but I also have (according to men I know) a good understanding of the male psyche. These men are considered, by others, to be quite feminine. Tim, while trying to get into my pants, said he thought I had a 12 inch dick in there. This may have been wishful thinking on his part because he is gay but found himself attracted to me. But what was it that he found attractive in me? William agreed that I have a dick. This confused me as he had already seen my gender. He said it was a mental dick, that I have a dominant personality (in and out of bed). Is being dominant really unfeminine, even masculine? He later amended this statement, saying that I had an understanding of the male mind. This coming from another man who is seen as feminine. Maybe I only understand his �feminine� mind. Indeed, Ben said that I was more masculine than himself, which he meant as a comment on his perceived femininity as opposed to my so-called masculinity. The women in my life see me as feminine, but I have �masculine� female friends. Seeking a balance. An androgyny. With the one woman I have been sexually involved with, neither of us took a �male� or �female� role. We were simply two people. Evidently, (according to my sister) people in my hometown think I�m lesbian. They have no knowledge of my relationship with a woman (well, NOW they do, it�s on the internet), so they have no reason to think this. I don�t know for sure, but I have a feeling it is because I seem �masculine,� because I don�t fit their idea of what a woman should be. More and more, I see gender as strictly biological. I am biologically female. I see anything that is construed as �masculine� or �feminine� as a result of social and cultural stereotype. Masculine and feminine identity are a result of perception. My perception of myself as a person is neutral. Not he or she or even it. Just me. | ||||