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I have an ambiguous relationship with most of my friends. Boundaries are permeable. If we act like a couple, are we a couple? What constitutes an item? I never know if I stand on the beach, on the shoreline, or in the water. Sometimes I am drowning. Drown in sand, drown in water. Where friendship ends and significance begins. Imaginary places. If I give my body to a man, it does not necessarily mean he�s �mine.� Take two pills and realize in the morning. Static on the telephone. I give my mind to a man, and I�m alone. Ambivalence. I had a theory once that men have three feelings: lust, anger, and indifference, the third being the predominant one. I�m not so sure anymore. I think sometimes friendship is a denial, a fa�ade for what is really there. What is really there is nameless, a shapeless existence, nothing to define. I live in limbo. I have for years. Just different people each time creating this limbo with me. |
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